To ask what's so great about private school

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So my friend was privately educated, and so was her partner. They put their school aged children in a very prestigious private school but then had to take them out and move in with her parents. I don't quite know what happened but I think they overstretches themselves financially.
Now her two children are happily settled into the local state school but she still insists that she will be moving them back to private school in the future. My question is why would you decide to do this if you can't really afford to?
I was state school educated from a single parent family and went to a terrible primary school, but I have great memories. My friend and I actually do the same job, we are both admin assistants on a few quid more than minimum wage. I don't think that her private education has actually benefited her at all.
I tried to ask her what exactly she felt that a private education gave you that a state education didn't. She used the example of writers visiting the school, inspiring children to write and improve literacy. I have a creative writing degree, nothing would have prevented me from writing stories, it's all I've ever wanted to do since I learnt to write. My best friend has a 2:1 degree in Literature from Oxford, she also went to a state school in a 'deprived area' and was raised by a single mum.
I honestly don't understand what a private education gets you apart from possibly helping you to make contacts. It's certainly not more important than trying to buy your own home, in my eyes.
Fully expecting to get flamed.

PlasticPatty no boys to monopolise the teachers attention?? Ffs.
In my son’s mixed class there is 3 girls who take it in turns to spend the day on the teacher or TA ‘s knee crying, crying actual tears at last once a day, and has done so since reception, now yr2. Don’t get me strarted on the ‘friendships’.
Joining his brother in the boys’ school next year with a lovely groups of boys moving with him.
I don’t get the boy hate :(

I work in a tiny special needs private school, and hands down the best thing about it is the small class size and attention each child gets. It’s a very peaceful, happy, loving environment where children who struggled in mainstream can really be accepted and flourish.

So for ds it’s;
Playing sport 5 days a week
Taking speech and drama exams
Taking part in public speaking festivals
Being in a class of 15
Having access to large beautiful grounds including a forest school
Swimming in the school pool
An amazing theatre that he performs in

I could go on.....

As for what job he gets as an adult- irrelevant. I just want him to enjoy his school days (I hated mine) and thrive.

I want my kids to be connected with people from all walks of life.

vulpine - Presumably privately educated children will meet people from all walks of life at university and in the workplace?

I was privately educated as are DC, currently Y2 and Y5. The primary reason is that we are in SE London where the local state school children stab each other to death (happened twice in the last 3 yrs) and also riot at the end of term to the extent that horse mounted police had to attend when they broke up last Easter. Listening to them in the streets they are without exception, vile, aggressive and ignorant. Ours is an exception and if there were a decent state option we might consider it, but hell will freeze over before my kids attend our local state.

For me it’s the way they encourage your kids to be confident and warm and how they are nurtured from a young age, they have a different mentality to study and think more about their future path. Or also cuts out ‘naughty’ children and everyone in the class is on a similar level financially so have the same opportunities eg extra curriculum or parties or like minded in play dates.
Facilities are better, classes are smaller, children just have more attention to develop. It’s not just to get high grades because you can’t get them in state school, it’s so much more about the qualities of the child by the time they leave.

However I wouldn’t sacrifice my personal space or kill myself over it- if my kids couldn’t go they couldn’t go, would just try to buy a house in the catchment area of an ofsted outstanding state school!

Some private schools are fantastic some not so.

Dc goes to private prep and there are many pro's.

However we don't go without, it's not a financial stretch. If I was in the predicament of your friend I wouldn't have sent dc. Awful to have to pull them due to finances.

Very small class sizes - my daughter is one of 13 and she has two teachers. They have more money to spend on a vast range of activities for the children - archery, fencing, multiple languages, ski trips, better facilities etc etc. I was educated in a private faith school. Me and my husband decided it was what we wanted for our children as well. I would never get into debt over it though. I have nothing against state schools whatsoever - we just wanted and could afford private for our children. It really does depend on the child as well though - not all children would suit the private school system and if for one second i thought or was told my daughter didnt fit - i would absolutely take her out.

Pretty sure not all state school pupils are stabbing each other and private schools have 'naughty' kids.

Private verses state on here seems to generate the same responses. There are always those who can find their unsuccessful friend who attended a private school however now carries out the same McJob as they do. Then there are the drug dealing friends who attended the top priority are but now is a drug dealer. And on it goes.

I can't comment on state schools as neither I, my husband not my children have attended one. What i can say is we all attended schools which were 3-18. With that came access to senior school facilities at the age of 3. We were all taught a second language from 4 to 11, in the case of my children they are taught two during that period. They have science lessons led by science teachers, art by art teachers etc. They are taught by numerous specialist teachers at a young age.

My children have mindfulness, yoga and massage classes. Every lunch there are additional sports lessons should they wish to join. After school club are lessons rather than all children placed in a room until their parents collect. They are part of debating clubs from 3. There are 18 children per year in their prep school and 30 per year in senior. Teachers pride themselves in knowing all pupils names, children from other years know each others names. If I walk our children to school older children who pass say good morning XX to them, they respond with the older childrens names.

Their schools view pastoral care as highly important, they have a one school philosophy. From early years to year 13 children mix. Older children come and listen to younger children read for example.

100 percent of the parents are engaged with their children's development. Their are no arguments between parents and teachers. Teachers are respected by parents.

My children love going to school they have no fear of what they will face. The happiness their school brings is rewarding, and one of the reasons we chose their schools. Academic excellence is not the reason for selection in my view, of course their are excellent state schools where children manage to get to one of the top red brick unis.

All of those things are our reasons out children may not excell
according, however they really do love learning which is thanks to the school.

Private schools do not have to take children who don’t want to learn. They do not have to listen to endless excuses and bollocks from parents who refuse to support the school or take responsibility to make sure their children behave. They don’t have to take children who are unable to cope in mainstream education and should be at specialist provision but are shoved into mainstream due to lack of funding for special schools.
The children who piss about in class, interupt, call out and generally disrupt the learning of others will be asked to leave. Of course, there will be exceptions - I’m sure someone here will claim that they’ve taught in a private school somewhere where the kids do behave like this but it’s v v unusual and as someone else pointed out, if they do - parents can vote with their feet.
That means teachers can actually do the job they are supposed to do - teach! Which means more teachers want to work there. So they have specialist teachers actually qualified in their subject teaching. And fabulous resources.
Some private schools are about ‘connections’ but that’s a tiny group. Most aren’t in that league and like most I’m not trying to ‘buy’ a high flying career for my ds, I just want him to enjoy the first 18 years of his life and have the opportunity to do what he likes.

I know this will be different for different schools, but for us it's noticing the difference in behaviour, general expectations of the children, motivation and self discipline, social skills with a range of people from all walks of life, not experienced in state schools as were all wc.
Smaller class sizes and more opportunities for support and help.
Up to 2 hours for lunch.
The most important was the suitability of the education and I think if you find this for your child it doesn't matter what sector it belongs to, or if you choose H.ed.

For me, it's the emphasis on sport, music, drama, debate, rugby, hockey, swimming etc., not a massive focus on academia, more on social skills. You know the other parents are going to be ambitious for their kids so the kids all seem well rounded. It was just the best match. It was also the only mixed school as I didn't want single sex schools for them (only one in this school as yet). There were other mixed schools but they would have been rougher. There is a huge community spirit. They're quite innocent in a lot of ways compared to the other schools (a mixture of boarders/day pupils). While other local kids the same age are wearing minis and going to discos, eldest dd appears to be happy with shopping, cinema, pizza. They still have sleep-overs (not sure what you call them when they're teens), but it's possibly a little more insular and sheltered than some of the bigger state schools.

We are in the state system but have family going private. If we could afford it we would. Our DCs' school is rated outstanding, the teachers are lovely and most parents and kids are engaged and just as nice as all the private families mentioned here.

BUT there are 30 kids, and no TA in year and 2. Ds1 is on the academically average or a touch above, at nursery he and his cousin were doing similar work but now his maths work is literally a year behind what her class is doing. Ds2 is in year 1 and very bright, and has started playing up because they don't have enough extension work, so he's still having to go over phonics and number bonds to 10 when he's just finished all of Harry Potter and can add 4 figure numbers in his head.

In both these cases, smaller class sizes and more specialist teachers could help, I am sure..

Ok a new question, what if you couldn't have afforded it? For us, it's never been an option, I'm an admin assistant, dp is a butcher. I've never once thought about it, in the same way I don't look at £500,000 houses on Zoopla!

Taking your post literally, if you can't quite afford it, I don't think there is mich benefit, especially if it means your dc may have to yo yo between state and private. If there are some funds for it, better to spend them at the older end ime and imo.

If you can afford it: specialist teaching, beter behaviour, better facilities, high quality extra curricular (teachers at both dc's schools for example had played for their countries), breadth and excellence of foreign languages, sciences and high expectations. DC went to London schools, high performing ones, so there were contacts too. Add in the honed support for uni applications and it becomes a no brainer. But, only if you can afford it.

Love, stability, encouragement. And perhaps as Giles Fraser once said "on your knees to save the fees"

Well fuck all you can do about it is there! You send them to the best school you can.

After such sheltered schooling I imagine uni. must be quite daunting at first.

Basically it’s a way to filter out the scumbags. The fact that you need to be wealthy to pay the fees means the pupils are mostly guaranteed to be from educated respectable families with a decent work ethic. Bullies are more likely to be swiftly dealt with and expelled. Not to mention the superior facilities paid for by all those fees.

We looked at one private secondary school (I was humouring DH, who was privately educated the whole way) and while it had lovely facilities and a great head, even he honestly couldn't say it was leagues ahead of the state schools we applied for - I was a bit scared to look at one, as I feared he might decide that all the other schools were rubbish in comparison and we'd have to sacrifice everything to send DD there! As it happened, even if he didn't feel that way, we were both a long way off being able to afford the fees and way off being able to get financial help!

Not to be too dismissive - public school kids (boys especially) seem to get that halo of confidence about them which helps them through life, but it's not the advantage it once was.

I wouldn't sacrifice for it financially unless the only other option was somewhere truly awful.

We can't afford it, the fees are about 10k more than we earn, but it was the best fit and we get most fees paid.
The alternative would be a special measures school that we would have chosen, first choice, honestly, if not the present school. Now there's different, for you
To me it's the school that best fits and I seriously believe this. It might be the best comp or the worst private or any other combination.

Well I doubt uni will be a shock, private school pupils are taught to be confident, free-thinking and have a wide range of extra-curricular hobbies to help them make new friends. They’ve probably been on gap years, work experience at city jobs and know someone already studying there.

Looking back at my uni years, I was completely clueless coming from a northern working town. Sure these kids would get laughed at down the working men’s club, but as most probably will never set foot in one I don’t suppose they care.

Confidence, self assurance, contacts.

I went to the local comp, got 4 As at a level but have always doubted my abilities and never would have thought I was good enough for Oxbridge. I wqs never encouraged to apply. I went to a decent russell group uni and got a first but have never had confidence in interviews. My privately educated friends seem to have innate confidence and self belief. They are able to talk to a range of different people and belief that they are good enough. Not true of everyone but has been the case for me.

Better ratios. If your child is struggling academically, they’ll definitely get more help in a private school.