To wonder who took a shit in my yard

[Imacliche]

Just that really. I have an old bench I acquired thats in my yard. Going to sand blast it and tart it up. Two days ago I noticed a huge turd underneath said bench.
Now there are cats that tend to come in my yard, but this is far too large for a cat deposit, unless maybe a puma got in. Gate is locked from inside. Looks like it could be a human turd, maybe a small bear even. But whatever has done it has done it under the bench.
Should I be concerned about bears? Where did the turd come from?
Is it a sign from above?
Any ideas.
I can provide a diagram but it would pretty much just be a dump under a bench.
Any ideas wise mumsnetters?

Harrys I like your thinking! Maybe country living for the more upmarket fox?
Buster I have a partner and 3 children. However the kids are out as they all have dicky tummies and are producing stools of a very different consistency. I actually asked my partner several questions relating to the deposit however he is as stumped as I am.

@CruCru

Who knew hedgehog poo could be so...big? I'd expect little droppings. But they properly turd. Impressive.

Impressive link! Very informative
I just googled bear shit and they tend to veer on the shade of chestnut in spring time.
Im very much now thinking bear

You need this book:

You need this website page (amazing what you find when you google!)

www.wildlifetrusts.org/wildlife/how-identify/identify-poo

It is likely fox poo. They crap in our garden and they look a bit like labrador poops but maybe slightly smaller.

I think a rogue toddler. I am frequently astonished at the size of DS3s poos.

Is that a mole with a shit on its head?
Possibly not the best way of keeping the rain off your hair

Is that a mole with a shit on its head?
He was just emerging from his hole when it happened. He had to do some serious research to find out where it came from.

Thought bears only shit in the woods.

Captain you are indeed correct. I do need this book. I thought it was a new fashion trend, glad I didnt jump the gun and stick one on my head.

Vodka but does a bear shit in the woods? That question is on par with what is the meaning of life.
Now Ive heard people mention the pope shitting in the woods, but bears is a tricky one.
I am becoming very over invested in a shit.
What is my life.

Perhaps it's clever concealment for a listening device placed by MI5.

Missconduct i never thought of this. I am indeed an international woman of mystery. Good call.

Ah. The old spy turd.

Reconnaissance coil! Standard.

Was it Winnie the Pooh?

A woman used to change her tampon in our rear garden/rear drive. On a couple of other occasions we've found human sizes poos there too. We assumed it was the same woman and that she was homeless. However, once there was a letter she'd wiped herself with. It had her name and address on...!!!

Mmm.
I'd offer my (D)H as the culprit, having once sleep-shat in a shoebox in his mates wardrobe, conveniently leaving his pants on the banister outside the room as a sign of guilt.
He is short, with a very low centre of gravity and, when he needs a poo, very determined, so reverse bench limbo would not be a problem.
And if there was a pair of dog-eared, grey gruds lying in the vicinity of the bench I'd say we'd solved it.

A steaming turd... brilliant.

I want to take you up on the offer of the diagram please!

Fox, caught short while enjoying the view from your bench?

Fox turds are pretty small, and quite dark and tarry looking. They also have a very distinctive, pungent smell.

I'm all too familiar with fox shit, thanks to DDog.

Roman.. i liked that very much.
Sheldon that's something I have no words for.
Three if you could kindly monitor your partners deposits for colour we can indeed check if its him, although there are no trousers left at the scene.
Tinsel..im on it.

@SheldonandMama you can’t leave the story there!! What happened? Did you go to her house and shit on her drive?

It could be a cat.
We have a Maine Coon and he produces poos bigger than mine.

Before you all say it, yes I did consider becoming a world famous artist. But I felt it unfair to put the others out of business.