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Original poster

DP and I applying for same job

301 replies

MangoBananaSleep · 11/03/2019 07:07

I work with my DP. We have been together for about five years.

I have always made it clear that I would love to progress in our organisation. He has always maintained that he has had management experience and didn’t enjoy it.

There will be an opportunity in our company soon to apply for a manerial role. It is the perfect job for me and one (without sounding big headed, I think I could do well).

I was talking about it with DP and he firstly said that he would apply but if he got it would decline it so that they offered it to me. Then, when he found out the pay increase, he said he was definitely going to apply.

The thing is, I don’t have the direct management experience that he gained ten years ago. So, in all likelihood he will get the job ahead of me.

I can’t help feeling upset that, despite appearing to suppprt me when the job was theoretical and maintaining that it didn’t interest him, he is now willing to compete with me for it. I suppose this is one of the downsides of dating in the workplace.

Am I being over dramatic? I don’t think I would be so upset if he’d maintained all along that this was something he was interested in.

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 21/04/2019 12:33

Get the job.

Then dump him.

Good luck!

senbei · 21/04/2019 12:38

It makes no difference whether he wants the job or not. He wants it so that he can earn more money to get a house. I'm pretty sure most people have taken jobs they don't particularly think they will enjoy in order to progress in life/ use it as a stepping stone. It happens all the time! Just unfortunate the OP is in a relationship with the person who is doing it!

This. The truth is, work and personal relationships don't always work and this situation is a key example of why that is so. The biggest mistake the OP and her DP made here was not properly separating their work life and home life. That's done though, so no use dwelling on that.

Moving forward, good luck OP! Competition can be healthy in a relationship PROVIDED that it's done to push both parties to be a better version of themselves be it in their personal life, careers, etc. Otherwise, it'll just breed resentment either way.

dontdoxmeeither · 21/04/2019 12:54

Really hope you get it Thanks

Mummyshark2019 · 21/04/2019 13:09

He is showing his true colours op. He does not want the job for the job. He just wants the money. He is placing money over your feelings. This is just the start. How would be be later on. Ltb.

Original poster
MangoBananaSleep · 23/04/2019 06:38

Thanks so much everyone for your helpful input. Just another question - the person specification has about 40 criteria.

One of the questions is how do I meet the essential criteria. I’ve tried to answer this but there is a lot of repetition. Do you think it would be best if I just put each essential criterion as a heading and answer how I meet each one separately rather than trying to shoehorn in into one long repetitive statement?

Thanks

OP posts:
JenniferJareau · 23/04/2019 07:05

Is it possible to group the criteria into a smaller number of points so you can cover them?

I applied for a job recently and had 5 bullet points in my covering letter that hit all the major points on the job description and I let my CV cover the rest. A lot of what was in the job description could be covered by a few points / examples.

nonevernotever · 23/04/2019 07:07

Definitely do them separately - makes it much easier to mark, while ensuring you don't miss any. The clearer you make it the better.

TheBlessedCheesemaker · 23/04/2019 07:32

Budget mgmt is important. So to drmonstrate this you need to do some prep. Download all your personal bank statements into excel. Categorise all your spending by adding a description column. Learn how to create a ‘pivot’ table. Take a look at the results and break your own personal spend into ‘fixed’ (mortgage) and ‘variable’ (weekly shopping, can be high if Waitrose every week, low if Aldi). Then for the variable stuff, determine the ‘impact’ there would be if you cut some of the variable bits (eg ‘cutting cost of hobbies had instant cash saving, but led to demotivation and less activity/productivity’; ‘cutting Waitrose in favour of Aldi had minimal impact as results tended to be very similar’). Then save yourself some money, somewhere, in next few weeks.
At interview, talk about this when asked. State that you take a budgeting approach to own finances, creating pivot tables to analyse spend and to keep on track with forecasting future spend. Say that you use an impact-based analysis when reducing budgets, and have successfully addressed wastage at key points, without affecting outcomes.
It is as simple as that. You need basic excel skills and ability to analyse what you see and make decisions. There is absolutely no difference between what I have described above and what a qualified management accountant would do in the business world in terms of general budget management. Learn the key phrases I’ve mentioned (impact-based assessments, outcome-focused analysis, using pivot tables to analyse monetary items, looking at current spending to predict forecast for the year), use them in interview, and you will be fine on this.

AskMeHow · 23/04/2019 07:47

Repetition is fine. I wouldn't do 40 headings, if they wanted bullet points they'd ask for them.

Like pp suggests I'd try and group things together. You shouldn't need to write 40 statements. If (for example) you write about a project at work, using skill X, working with people Y, leading on Z then that covers three things on your essential criteria Smile

SnowyAlpsandPeaks · 23/04/2019 07:49

There was a senior managers job in my place and I was ‘encouraged’ to apply by my director. I was told that they would look at my ‘potential’ rather than experience. I did not get the job I applied for, but was offered an identical job in a different area of the UK which I declined. A few months laster they held more interviews and after some prodding I applied. Then found out they’d rearranged some people and I was offered the first job I had applied for!

So moral of the story, don’t worry to much about experience, i frog leaped all those that had senior management experience to get my position.

Good Luck!!

JaneGlorianaVillanueva · 03/06/2019 23:26

@mangobananasleep any news on the job OP?

Original poster
MangoBananaSleep · 04/06/2019 06:08

Hello! Thanks for thinking of me. I’m afraid neither of us got it.

OP posts:
HigaDequasLuoff · 04/06/2019 06:29

He's being totally arrogant and insensitive. Just assuming that naturally he will be 1st choice and you'll be 2nd - that's pretty shitty. If his "plan" works as he expects then he'll always hold over you that he could be doing your job if he wanted it. He's an actually nasty person.

But I don't think you should ask him not to apply. That just feeds into the arrogance, confirming that you agree he's better and you don't stand a chance against him.

No. Let him apply, but you jolly well go ahead and be better than him. Be the first choice candidate because you have the front-line experience and you are ready to step up to management and you have the enthusiasm to make a real success of it.

Also LTB because he's just not a very nice person and you've been wearing rose-tinted spectacles.

HigaDequasLuoff · 04/06/2019 06:30

Oops. Cross post. Sorry to hear that OP.

MaybeitsMaybelline · 04/06/2019 06:41

Sorry you didn’t get it OP, you would have been great.

But I am happier he didn’t! Of course he was going to turn it down anyway wasn’t he? Hmmmmm.

What was his reaction to the rejection?

Hoggytat · 04/06/2019 06:49

Ask for feedback and which questions you could have answered better. If they're vague ask for a more detailed answer to one of the questions to give you an idea of what they're looking for.

Original poster
MangoBananaSleep · 04/06/2019 07:16

I got very good feedback. I think there will be further opportunities for me but at a more junior level.

He is pretending that he didn’t even want the job! Hmm

OP posts:
AlwaysCheddar · 04/06/2019 07:20

Have you dumped him yet?

BruceAndNosh · 04/06/2019 07:32

Hi s pretending he didn't want it?
But surely it was HIS job that he was going to pass on to you.....

FookMeFookYou · 04/06/2019 08:02

Ok I appreciate you work in the same place but if he saw any real future with you I don't think he would be competing with you on this. Some may feel thats a leap, but like you say this is something you have stated you want and it's part of your career path, for him it's just because he can.

His management experience from 10 years ago won't count for much these days (things have changed rapidly) over and above what you feel you can bring to the role.

I'd seriously be reconsidering a future with him because it feels to me that he is trying to put you 'in your place' and control your future hopes and dreams. No loving partner would do that, particularly with his fleeting interest he should step aside.

There are no guarantees he would get the job, what about others that may apply internally or externally.

I don't like this at all so the vindictive part of me would let him go for it and if and when he gets knocked back which let's face it could be at application stage, I'd dump him too Wink

FookMeFookYou · 04/06/2019 08:03

Ffs I need to check the date on these posts... it's been and gone Sad

Shouldbedoing · 04/06/2019 08:34

I'm intrigued that you've been together 5 years but live apart but he wants to buy a house. Coupled with the lack of support and sneaky competitiveness I'd be trying to ease him out of my life quietly before the next career opportunity arises.

Original poster
MangoBananaSleep · 04/06/2019 08:59

We are still together but I am trying to extricate myself grqcefully and with the least hurt professionally.

I’m also seeing a counsellor who is really helping me.

OP posts:
MzHz · 04/06/2019 09:54

I think that’s very wise love, I don’t think this guy is the one for you - you need a champion not a competitor

Happynow001 · 05/06/2019 06:14

We are still together but I am trying to extricate myself grqcefully and with the least hurt professionally.
Sorry you didn't get the job OP but good luck for the next one.

Also I'm glad you are easing yourself out of the relationship- he really doesn't seem to have any generosity of spirit. He certainly hasn't shown it either through this job application process nor how he treated you when you have up your time to kindly decorate HIS flat for him.

Good luck for the future. 🌹