Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP and I applying for same job

301 replies

MangoBananaSleep · 11/03/2019 07:07

I work with my DP. We have been together for about five years.

I have always made it clear that I would love to progress in our organisation. He has always maintained that he has had management experience and didn’t enjoy it.

There will be an opportunity in our company soon to apply for a manerial role. It is the perfect job for me and one (without sounding big headed, I think I could do well).

I was talking about it with DP and he firstly said that he would apply but if he got it would decline it so that they offered it to me. Then, when he found out the pay increase, he said he was definitely going to apply.

The thing is, I don’t have the direct management experience that he gained ten years ago. So, in all likelihood he will get the job ahead of me.

I can’t help feeling upset that, despite appearing to suppprt me when the job was theoretical and maintaining that it didn’t interest him, he is now willing to compete with me for it. I suppose this is one of the downsides of dating in the workplace.

Am I being over dramatic? I don’t think I would be so upset if he’d maintained all along that this was something he was interested in.

OP posts:
BoomBoomsCousin · 21/04/2019 07:35

Your DP is playing you. He's fairly clearly trying to undermine your confidence and put you off your game. This aspect of his personality is pretty nasty and you should take stock of your relationship - if you can't rely on a partner to support you over something like this you ought to be asking yourself if you can really rely on him at all.

As someone else said further back - his management experience may not count very much in his favour. It's 10 years old and he has shied away from similar since. You haven't said why he gave it up, but if he didn't like it, chances are he wasn't very good at it. Don't go thinking he's automatically better qualified than you. Don't discuss the job with him anymore. Don't even confirm that you're applying if you can help it. Don't ask him about it. If it comes up be as vague as you can. If he asks to see your application or what you're going to say in the interview, tell him you haven't done it yet, you aren't sure, you don't feel confident sharing, etc. Don't let him put you off or get you worried about any of it - take everything he says with a pinch of salt.

To stand out - it's hard to say without knowing the job well but you say you've been working towards this for 5 years, I would suggest you need to use that in your application - both in laying out your, presumably on point, career track so far and in being able to highlight the challenges you expect to see in the next two to three years in the department and for the job as whole. For a middle management role you normally need to demonstrate operational competency but also show you have some idea of strategic vision.

Good luck OP. And if this one doesn't pan out, start looking elsewhere - away from your DP.

PeachesPlumsPears · 21/04/2019 07:36

Good luck OP. We all believe you can nail this!

Flowers
ContessaIsOnADietDammit · 21/04/2019 07:36

Don't break up with him before the interview or before the appointment is announced; he may turn nasty and spread rumours. It may not fit his personality as you know it but you didn't expect this dickishness either (sorry).

Once it's decided, I'd dump. You don't feel the same as you used to in any case....

eddielizzard · 21/04/2019 07:39

Keep your cards close to your chest re. your DP. Best advice: think positively!

Smelborp · 21/04/2019 07:40

You absolutely need to show how you meet the criteria on the form. When I’m shortlisting, I go through the pile and see which ones meet it, which ones don’t. Then I go through the meeting criteria pile to shortlist further.

Sigh81 · 21/04/2019 07:40

Oh, I absolutely agree with PP about being vague with him. And do not share anything you have done with him even if it seems like he is offering to help: honestly, the fact that he is trying to throw you off your game (which is what it seems like) mean you should be cautious.

SunshineCake · 21/04/2019 07:40

I really hope you get the job.

He sees himself as better than you. Him saying he's done a similar job and not enjoyed it has no bearing on whether you wouldHmm but he thinks it would.

He's an arrogant patronising pig and I think you should work your arse off to get this job then dump him.

Do you think he might sabotage your chance at the interview? If you do then why are you with him and also can you make sure you are interviewed before him…?

ChippyMinton · 21/04/2019 07:43

Absolutely you should demonstrate how you meet all the criteria in your application form - this will be used for shortlisting. Include it in brief when describing your current and previous roles, then expand in the personal statements section. Make it easy for the recruiters to pick out the relevant information. Good luck.

NicoAndTheNiners · 21/04/2019 07:45

Definitely give examples on your application form of how you meet the spec. If you just list stuff like good communication skills, team working you probably won't get an interview. It really doesn't matter if you repeat the same stuff in the interview. I assume if it's local govt it's point based and they don't dock points for mentioning stuff you talked about in your application form. Plus the people who interview you may not have been the ones who shortlisted?

Good luck, and yeah I'd be pissed off with him applying for jobs he doesn't really want. Though guess he has every right, especially if he could do with the money.

strawberrisc · 21/04/2019 07:46

Good luck OP. I’d be steaming! Not if he really wanted the job but this whole “oh it’s more money, I won’t enjoy it but I’ll do it for the cash”.

TeddybearBaby · 21/04/2019 07:46

Yes show how you meet the criteria for sure. I was speaking to a lady the other day who got a management job in a top bank in the city. She said she did it by being confident, she said she was brilliant in the interview because she’d researched and practiced the kind of questions they ask. She got the job over a lot of other candidates and she had no management experience.

She made portfolios for the interviewers and when they asked a question like ‘tell me a time when you found a task difficult and how you managed that’. She’d say well that reminds me of the time...... if you turn to page two I’ve talked a bit about that. It helped her as well to be prompted I think.

Good luck I have everything crossed for you!

JenniferJareau · 21/04/2019 07:48

When I applied for my current role I went through the job description and ensured in my CV and covering letter that I demonstrated each and every thing they were looking for.

Cover letter had 5 bullet points covering the main requirements and CV tailored to cover the rest.

QOD · 21/04/2019 07:48

What a dick
Good luck op

Sigh81 · 21/04/2019 07:48

And presumably word will get around at your organisation that you are both applying (it always seems to). So if asked "but how does it feel, going for some role as your DP?", no matter how good a work friend they are, be polite and 'above it all'. Am sure you would anyway but thought worth mentioning.

People love a bit of gossip and any hint of upset would probably get back to the recruiters.

jasmine1971 · 21/04/2019 07:49

I recently sent my CV off to a recruitment company and they said that it was clear I was well-qualified and had the experience, but that I'd worded it passively, this is a summary of what they said:

Shorten your career summary to define you as a professional and cover those areas most relevant to your career level and job target.

Too many job descriptions are task-based rather than results-based. This means that they tell what you did, instead of what you achieved.

A great CV should help the hiring executive envisage you delivering similar achievements at his or her company.

Employers want to know about your previous contributions and specifically how you’ve made a difference and how you are going to make a significant difference at their company.

Strong verbs are essential parts of a well-constructed CV.

Passive language / Doing: “Negotiated contracts with vendors”
Action language / Achieving: “Slashed payroll/benefits administration costs 30% by negotiating pricing , while ensuring the continuation of services.”

Original poster
MangoBananaSleep · 21/04/2019 07:51

Thanks again. The only thing I’m slightly concerned about is that one of the essential criteria is a requirement to have experience of managing budgets.

I don’t have direct experience of that. So I’m not sure what to say!

OP posts:
bebeboeuf · 21/04/2019 07:51

In a weird way I think there’s some practicality about both applying for the job

sashh · 21/04/2019 07:51

Go for it, and put in your application that you are looking forward to having management experience and feel you would be good at it and enjoy it.

JaneEyreAgain · 21/04/2019 07:52

Include anything where you have indirect experience of budgets.

Hazlenutpie · 21/04/2019 07:54

Go through the job spec with a fine tooth comb and put in your application how you meet their requirements. Do not save anything for the interview, as you won’t get an interview if you don’t appear to meet the spec.

As you look carefully at the spec, think about how you meet each requirement and give an actual example. Don’t waffle, the best applications are almost bullet points, i.e. they want (a) you give them (a).

Throw everything you have at this application. You need to get this job. Good luck. 💐

lancashirebornandbred · 21/04/2019 07:56

Be as specific as you can about meeting the criteria. I once was helping my line manager weed through applications for a job. There were loads of applications so she had to be strict. The position involved dealing with money. One applicant put that she had worked in a bank, but gave no details. My line manager put her on the “no” pile because, as she said, “well, she could have been a cleaner, she doesn’t mention handling money”.

Hazlenutpie · 21/04/2019 07:57

Be creative Mango. I’m not saying lie but if you ever helped with a club or a society you helped manage the budget. No one can ever check.

Sindragosan · 21/04/2019 07:58

If its possible, go and have a chat with the current job holder to see what they actually do. It should help you to tailor interview answers appropriately. Quite frequently job descriptions and actual job bear no relation to each other.

Missingstreetlife · 21/04/2019 07:58

You need to say what you did in which job, or other role for each point in job spec and person spec. E.g. I led a team of of waiters at restaurant. I have good organisational skills and have run a ? Project at y community centre involving 7 volunteers on different timetables.
In the interview you will be asked to flesh these out by more explicit and detailed examples. The questions will be under headings of different skills or experience and you will get points. Remember skills are transferable.
Definately get a mentor, someone recently promoted is good and also talk to your boss about tips and preparing you for interview. Also speak to someone who knows the new role and don't tell dp any of it. Dump him after interview. Bastard.
Good luck

jinglet · 21/04/2019 07:59

Sorry if I've missed it but when's the interview OP? Rooting for you to get it over your 'd' P.

Swipe left for the next trending thread