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Original poster

DP and I applying for same job

301 replies

MangoBananaSleep · 11/03/2019 07:07

I work with my DP. We have been together for about five years.

I have always made it clear that I would love to progress in our organisation. He has always maintained that he has had management experience and didn’t enjoy it.

There will be an opportunity in our company soon to apply for a manerial role. It is the perfect job for me and one (without sounding big headed, I think I could do well).

I was talking about it with DP and he firstly said that he would apply but if he got it would decline it so that they offered it to me. Then, when he found out the pay increase, he said he was definitely going to apply.

The thing is, I don’t have the direct management experience that he gained ten years ago. So, in all likelihood he will get the job ahead of me.

I can’t help feeling upset that, despite appearing to suppprt me when the job was theoretical and maintaining that it didn’t interest him, he is now willing to compete with me for it. I suppose this is one of the downsides of dating in the workplace.

Am I being over dramatic? I don’t think I would be so upset if he’d maintained all along that this was something he was interested in.

OP posts:
TeddybearBaby · 21/04/2019 08:00

How about managing budgets in other areas? You manage your own home and all that entails, not saying to say that but I bet if you think about it you do have experience somewhere!

Dafspunk · 21/04/2019 08:01

You say what transferable skills you have that show you will be a good manager... interacting with others, communication, setting goals, getting people on board, resilience, dealing with setbacks, etc

minababelina · 21/04/2019 08:03

His suggestion that he would give it up so they could offer it to you is both ridiculous and patronising. Does the company know you are together? Experience with management 10 years earlier would in my view count against him... it also feels that he would resent it if you get it. Imagine yourself on the role, do your research and go for it!

MRex · 21/04/2019 08:09

Things you might use in the budget section Have you reviewed your department's budget at some point to add anything? (That's most important because then you can show an understanding of what the different costs are and talk about how you'd track the costs, as well as any cost improvement ideas or expansion plans. Can you ask your manager to talk you through the current budget and process? Then you could say you've gone over it with them so you're confident you can manage it, your main aim is...)
Have you defined costs for a project? Have you managed a supplier's costs? Have you worked with your company's finance team in any respect (having worked with X and Y on Z...)?
Have you looked after a charity or other third party budget?

Good luck!

Original poster
MangoBananaSleep · 21/04/2019 08:09

The interview isn’t for a while yet. The application form says expected to be around the start of June.

OP posts:
JenniferJareau · 21/04/2019 08:09

You can use personal experiences of budgets e g. arranging your mortgage.

Hazlenutpie · 21/04/2019 08:15

When you get your job, you should bring in a rule about couples not working together.

StellaRockafella · 21/04/2019 08:37

I work for a local authority and having temped in my role for 24 months, was invited to apply for the full time role. I was told they will score the applications to make the short list for interviews and was to treat the application as if I was an external candidate whom they did not know at all.

The application stated what needed to be highlighted in the application, what would be raised in the interview and what would be tested. I think your application process might well be similar.

This meant I had to demonstrate how I met the person spec on every single point and also back it up with evidence in order to secure an interview. My application took a long time to do and is quite possibly the most repetitive and boring things I've ever written but it did meet the criteria.

My advice to you is to write everything down and not to save it for interview as there is a chance you won't be interviewed. Go through the application and highlight everything they ask you about and what the role requires. Tick each item off only when you answer it clearly demonstrating your point to do so. Don't worry if you find you're repeating yourself as these applications have a habit of repeating themselves albeit in different ways. I can not stress enough to be very clear to illustrate everything and don't assume they're deduce that you'll be able to do the role from reading between the lines. Give examples and proof for everything.

The interview panel actually asked me very little about my role/the role I was being recruited for and others across the organisation have all said similar. I think the application process is designed to weed out those who don't follow instructions/don't disclose all their relevant information about how they fulfil the criteria. (Instead the questions were mostly about how I'd fit into the team structure, the sector itself and long term goals. There's a chance this situation could be similar for you which makes your application even more important. Be sure to answer every single point and don't leave anything unmentioned with the aim to discuss at interview. Treat your application like the interview and answer the questions both at length and in full! I can't stress this enough.

Good luck!

Disfordarkchocolate · 21/04/2019 08:43

Some relevant advice on this thread www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3499425-How-to-make-a-CV-stand-out-What-do-employers-like

For the interview try to have a couple of examples of each competency and use STAR answers for competency questions. Good luck.

EnoughLifeLessons · 21/04/2019 08:47

5 years and you don't live together? In such a scenario, I would say each person needs to take care of themselves and you would be very unreasonable to expect him not to interview.

However, the way he is dealing with this is all wrong. He's being an arsehole and trying to undermine your confidence. Although he's probably also quite annoyed with you for expecting him to pass on a job opportunity. Honestly, this relationship is not going anywhere. You should part ways (buy politely, keep it civil and don't go into listing all his faults etc since you work together)

ControversialFerret · 21/04/2019 09:05

One word of advice - don't talk to him about this at all. Don't discuss it - and if he tries to bring it up, just tell him that it's not appropriate to talk about.

Good luck, and I hope you get it. Re: budgets - is there a more experienced person at your firm you could talk to, who does have budgets experience and who could give you a steer and mentor you?

hazzysmoozy · 21/04/2019 09:11

Do you want him to not apply for you? Ah! You don't live together. You don't share finances. You are dating. I don't think he's doing anything wrong.

JenniferJareau · 21/04/2019 09:24

I don't think he's doing anything wrong.

Except he doesn't actually want the job.

ElloBrian · 21/04/2019 09:26

Honest question - how are you planning to manage him if you get the job?

Also you should check your employer’s rules on workplace relationships. If you’re in local government there’s bound to be a policy, they have policies for bloody everything Grin
It would be very awkward if your relationship came up in the application process and you hadn’t followed the policy.

I think it’s very clear he is applying because he doesn’t want to be managed by you. And tbh I don’t blame him, even though he’s being an arse about it. Who would want to be managed by their partner?!

Original poster
MangoBananaSleep · 21/04/2019 09:52

The role will involve very little management of him. We are largely left untouched and are trusted to be independent. There is a new element of management to be introduced which is in a completely separate field. This will take up most of the role.

OP posts:
SaveOurSausages · 21/04/2019 09:53

It makes no difference whether he wants the job or not. He wants it so that he can earn more money to get a house. I'm pretty sure most people have taken jobs they don't particularly think they will enjoy in order to progress in life/ use it as a stepping stone. It happens all the time! Just unfortunate the OP is in a relationship with the person who is doing it!

ElloBrian · 21/04/2019 10:14

That doesn’t change the fact that your relationship could damage your career prospects if you don’t follow policy and declare it properly OP.

Uggywuggy · 21/04/2019 11:10

Don’t let him see your application!

SunshineCake · 21/04/2019 11:47

Re budgets - you budget to run a home, car etc. Scale it up.

hazzysmoozy · 21/04/2019 11:49

Ha you don't have to want a job to apply for it Confused applying for the money is a valid reason.

If OP, wants the job, she should dedicate herself to the application process and get the job and not be concerned about other (potential) applicants feelings. Dating a man you're going to compete with for a job is a personal problem

SunshineCake · 21/04/2019 11:49

"Be creative Mango. I’m not saying lie but if you ever helped with a club or a society you helped manage the budget. No one can ever check."

Don't do all Hazlenut says. People can and do check things Hmm.

fluffygreenmonsterhoody · 21/04/2019 12:03

Regarding the budget question I’d strongly suggest you think about about your relevant work experience and find a way to relate it.

If you use ‘applying for a mortgage’ or ‘running a home’ as examples the. It doesn’t say transferable skills to me, it says ‘I have no experience’. That’s fine for a returning to work / first job but not for someone looking for a middle management promotion.

If you’ve been involved in projects recently then you must’ve had some involvement in budgets. Whether it’s providing a cost for something, procuring something, keeping an eye on how much you’ve spent, discussing value for money, reporting etc.

If so, I’d say that you’ve been involved in budgeting / financial management processes and that with your other strong skills (eg in attention to detail, forward planning, project management) you’re well equipped to fulfil the budget management responsibilities of the role.

MollyYouInDangerGirl · 21/04/2019 12:15

I really hope you get it OP!

I have to be honest - if you dont get it, I'd rather someone else get it than him from everything I've read! He seems really unsupportive of you.

wigglesniggles · 21/04/2019 12:23

He senses it would harm his reputation to not go for a job with higher salary / he is willing to sacrifice his satisfaction for money - he will be off out the company when it gets tough.

Just note those traits. Be aware not to be manipulated by him in future.

Go for the interview - do your best, tell them how ENTHUSIASTIC you are about managing people Grin. Start looking for a new job elsewhere if you do not get it as you will stagnate otherwise - you are ready for new challenges!

Ginger1982 · 21/04/2019 12:24

My friend and her DP work in the same place. A promoted job came up and they both decided to apply but support each other. In the end he got it. She's still happy in her current role and they are still together.

But I hope you get it OP!