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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that 10pm is too late to visit someone with children?

61 replies

BHANNAE · 09/07/2007 09:27

My dh has a friend who I humour and he and his wife come to ours every monday.It started of being at 7pm but has got later and later and now is 10pm plus.They stay for 2-3hours.
I asked my dh to have a word about making it earlier and then last night he got a text saying 'its okay we know that its (insert my name) who doesn't want us to come round' The same text got sent 3 times and it was ONE in the morning.He then rang and hung up at 3am.
I am 32weeks, have a 1 and a 7 yo and my hips feel like they are on fire with the pain.At 10pm I want to be in bed.I have to be up at 7am as does dh.
I have hinted at this to his wife previously (not in a subtle way) but she goes along with her dh so no backing from her.
I feel as though I am being made to look like the baddie but I don't think I am.
AIBU to just ban them from my house now as I really can't be arsed entertaining them at midnight+ once the baby is here?
It is making me really stressed and I could not sleep last night due to him being a dickhead and texting/ringing at two hour intervals.(He rang last Sunday at midnight and I told him not to do it again as I think its bad manners-he obviously did it on purpose this week then imo)
What should I do? Today is the dreaded Monday!!!

OP posts:
Kewcumber · 09/07/2007 09:53

could you tell them that you have something very virulent and prgnancy related and you are in quarantine for the forseeable future?

choosyfloosy · 09/07/2007 09:54

Make sure you say 'I'm off to bed' at 9.30pm because I bet they are the sort of people who even if they do leave at this heavy hint, will take 30 mins to say goodbye.

KerryMum · 09/07/2007 09:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Oblomov · 09/07/2007 09:56

LOL @ go to bed. Yeah do it. Leave twonky friend with your dh. I love it.

theressomethingaboutmarie · 09/07/2007 09:56

A friend of mine has the most amazing Dad. Her mum and dad had some people over for dinner one evening who were still there at 2am. They'd tried dropping subtle hints but to no avail.

The dad then went upstairs, stripped naked, came back downstairs and asked, "Haven't you gone yet?" Needless to say, they soon shifted...

Original poster
BHANNAE · 09/07/2007 10:03

LOL at somethingaboutmarie!!

Can just imagine my beautifully stretch-marked, bloated, hairy body have the same effect hee hee!

OP posts:
IsabelWatchingItRainInMacondo · 09/07/2007 10:05

Being raised in a country that goes to sleep somewhat later, I can say that my father always announced he was going for a nap if the visitors had not left by midnight. Some of them stayed anyway talking to my mum, although they used to joke that they should leave before my father woke up fresh from the nap or he would prevent them from leaving before 4 am!

How come I now get so annoyed at this? [puzzled emoticon]

jaynehater · 09/07/2007 10:17

Seriously, Bhannae, I think the best advice you've had on here is to just disappear - it'll underline to DH just how bad it's getting you down, and if he is a sweetheart who doesn't easily rock the boat, one to one's till 1am every Monday could bring him around.... I wouldn't feel bad about it, my DH regularly gets up from dinner and ...just...disappears! Guests comment a couple of hours later, and I can usually guarantee he's in bed, in the bath, or tying flies somewhere. He's an ignorant b**r but it's his home, my guests, and somehow they've gotten used to it. (When he does it when my mum comes to stay, she does one too, and they both sit in my room watching tv till the socialising's over!! - maybe I have too many people over, too often)

The temptation to lie on the floor kicking your heels screaming "Goooooooo awaaaaaaaay" must be ever present - watch your blood pressure, they're mean. xx

Oblomov · 09/07/2007 10:22

Seriously, I totally agree with jaynehater. Dh should sort this. But if they do stay late, you are pg, thus you have the best excuse (not that it is an 'excuse', or that you need one). Warn dh what you will do. Just get up and say "I am very tired, I must go to bed." Don't hang around for replies. Just go.
Its PERFECT.

Bartholomewgook · 09/07/2007 10:28

God, they sound really odd. Break away, break away!!

ellis65 · 09/07/2007 10:37

FioFio - i totally agree with you, lock doors, lights out, turn off phones.

MINNIE1 · 09/07/2007 10:48

Hugs BHANNAE, Are they for real! I agree with you going to bed at 9.30 cuddle up to DH and let them ring away. 10pm is my bedtime and i'm not even pregnant.
You can ring him at 3am when your doing night feeds and see how he likes it!

IsabelWatchingItRainInMacondo · 09/07/2007 11:28

That's a fantastic idea! ring them and hang up every time you wake up for a feed

DaisyOink · 09/07/2007 11:49

They sound like complete weirdos. Ban them.

CoffeeCrazedMama · 09/07/2007 11:52

There is absolutely nothing wrong with saying very politely at the time you need to go to bed, 'Well I'm sorry everyone, I'm knackered, baby, early start, etc etc, really must go to bed. Lovely seeing you, good night.' I have always done this since having children when friends of dh outstaying my welcome, and has never caused offence. (I think ) And being so pregnant it is totally excusable (do the weary little back or bump rub as you speak!)Yes they may probably stay til the small hours still, but it is then dh's problem, not yours.

Also, re phone calls - get BT 'Choose to Refuse' and block his number!

mawbroon · 09/07/2007 12:02

I'm desperately trying to think of a compromise here but the best I can think of is that maybe your DH should go to their house instead. Then after a couple of times he could make excuses and cancel and hopefully the whole thing might fizzle out. And of course you can't come with him (shame, eh? )because you need to look after your children. Is that a possibility?

BabiesEverywhere · 09/07/2007 12:02

If you DH's inists on keeping in touch with these weridos,what about you and your DH going around to their house instead of them coming to see you. That way you can have a reasonably short and early visit and then go home at a reasonable time. Either take your kids with you and have a very early finish or get a babysitter.

If they come around again to yours...I would be honest and say it is 10pm, I'm heavily pregnant and tired, I'm going to bed. See you next week, if you get here before my bedtime. Go upstairs and get your DH to sort his 'friends' out

mawbroon · 09/07/2007 12:03

PMSL babies everywhere. We posted at exactly the same time!!

kittywits · 09/07/2007 12:05

These are NOT friends. Get rid pronto.

ruddynorah · 09/07/2007 12:09

wtf?!

why are you putting up with this? why is your husband accepting such rude texts from them? he needs to have words. these are not friends. don't answer the door to them in future if it's afetr 7pm.

Oblomov · 09/07/2007 12:16

Yeah I'm in bed by 9.30 and we only have ds and he has slept through for yonks. Tell these horrible people where to go. Tell your dh to go to dinner at theirs. Then you can have a bath at home and an early night. Lovely

blobsmummy · 09/07/2007 13:39

Oh poor you! Would echo others that have said just to go to bed and let DH deal with it - you should not have to go through the stress of this each monday. I'd agree with getting the phone calss blocked as well - that's stalking, not friendship. Let us know how you get on tonight - thinking of you xx

Kewcumber · 09/07/2007 21:20

So....

Are they coming tonight then?

jaynehater · 10/07/2007 08:24

How did it go, how did it go?

Leati · 10/07/2007 08:37

I think the situation may have been fixable if they hadn't been so rude after you asked them to come earlier. Tell you hubbie he needs to get rid of them. Because while you may have originally just wanted them to visit ealier, now you don't want them to visit at all.