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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that 10pm is too late to visit someone with children?

61 replies

BHANNAE · 09/07/2007 09:27

My dh has a friend who I humour and he and his wife come to ours every monday.It started of being at 7pm but has got later and later and now is 10pm plus.They stay for 2-3hours.
I asked my dh to have a word about making it earlier and then last night he got a text saying 'its okay we know that its (insert my name) who doesn't want us to come round' The same text got sent 3 times and it was ONE in the morning.He then rang and hung up at 3am.
I am 32weeks, have a 1 and a 7 yo and my hips feel like they are on fire with the pain.At 10pm I want to be in bed.I have to be up at 7am as does dh.
I have hinted at this to his wife previously (not in a subtle way) but she goes along with her dh so no backing from her.
I feel as though I am being made to look like the baddie but I don't think I am.
AIBU to just ban them from my house now as I really can't be arsed entertaining them at midnight+ once the baby is here?
It is making me really stressed and I could not sleep last night due to him being a dickhead and texting/ringing at two hour intervals.(He rang last Sunday at midnight and I told him not to do it again as I think its bad manners-he obviously did it on purpose this week then imo)
What should I do? Today is the dreaded Monday!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
BHANNAE · 09/07/2007 09:27

Whoops, sorry its so long!

OP posts:
EscapeFrom · 09/07/2007 09:29

You need better friends than these - what an inconsiderate prick.

FioFio · 09/07/2007 09:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
BHANNAE · 09/07/2007 09:32

I agree escapefrom. These are my dh's friends which makes it difficult.I really need him to deal with it but he is so mild mannered (which is lovely on the whole)

These aren't young people, both the friend and wife are pushing towards 50 so imo should know better.

OP posts:
theressomethingaboutmarie · 09/07/2007 09:33

I'd call him up nice and early (i.e. when you get up) and ask him how much he effing well likes it. Inconsiderate b&stard

Sorry - feeling quite aggressive today (happily ignored by all of the non-pregnant, fully able passengers which p1sses me off )

FioFio · 09/07/2007 09:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

fanella · 09/07/2007 09:34

what an arrogant git!

Not unreasonable at all, if he won't listen to reason then just tell him to feck off and go ahead with your ban.

What does dh think of all this? He should be having strong words with his mate I reckon.

Phoning at 3am and putting it down? He sounds really childish to me.

NineUnlikelyTales · 09/07/2007 09:37

Gordon Bennet. Mild mannered or not, your DH is allowing this man to treat you (and him) incredibly badly and as it's his friend, he should put his foot down very firmly (preferably on the tit's head). If your DH can't see that and look after his heavily pregnant wife, he is a coward and an arse himself. Sorry I know that is harsh but you don't need this do you?

bran · 09/07/2007 09:37

It's your dh's friend so I would let him sort it out. If they're there and you want to go to bed, then say good night and go, let your dh deal with them. Turn the ringer on the phone/mobile off when you go to bed so he can't wake you up by phoning. Your dh could tell his that you've been getting some unknown nuisance calls so your phone won't be answered between 11pm and 7am.

I sounds as though dh's friend is trying to put you in the wrong and present himself as a put-upon friend, so be extra polite and welcoming when they're there at a reasonable time and don't get drawn into any sort of argument.

Bananaknickers · 09/07/2007 09:37

Take it they haven't got children then ? what sort of woman would see you tired like that and go along with it?

Earthymama · 09/07/2007 09:38

Dp should have a word and explain that life changes when you have responsibilities and children to care for; you both intend to put the needs of the family first and will be happy to see them in the early evening but that you need to rest so will be winding up at 10 pm.

If the idiot mate kicks off, you'll just have to tell DP to use 'broken record' to get the message across!

Ther's nothing worse than sitting there seething with resentment in your home; I moved once as had got into a group who felt they could treat mine as open house.

I am quite controlling of visitors etc, and hate it if people just drop in, I like to have some warning.

Good luck with this evening, I hope you don't have to nasty...but if so....you tell 'em!!

Bananaknickers · 09/07/2007 09:38

Hey when the baby comes, you will have plenty of opertunity to call his phone during nightfeeds

aloha · 09/07/2007 09:38

They sound like nutters. These aren't friends, they are stalkers.
Quick, lock the door, turn off the lights, hide behind the sofa!

NineUnlikelyTales · 09/07/2007 09:39

If anyone hassled me with nuisance calls at 3am, I'd contact BT and the police.

funfunfun · 09/07/2007 09:39

i had friends like this turned up every sat as soon as i got home from work and stayed till the early hours
i got so fed up one day i said to dh lets go out so we are not in, we got back 2 hrs later to find them sitting out side eating mcdonalds waiting !!
i would tell them it is to late you have children in bed etc
or be really blatent and tell them to get stuffed he has no right rining texting at that time with kids in bed !
sounds like a right prick to do that anyway !

funfunfun · 09/07/2007 09:41

take aloha advise we did that also

Original poster
BHANNAE · 09/07/2007 09:41

My dh is pissed off and has told mate so but friend is such a twonk he just ignores it.

Fiofio- I don't think so lol. They don't have grandkids as yet.Not sure if their children would appreciate them visiting late if they did.

Feel like I might put the ban into effect tonight seeing as you all think ianbu

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 09/07/2007 09:42

10PM is too late on a 'school night' even if you don't have kids!

These people sound like freaks.

You're well shot of them and if they think you're rude, well, they're not paying your rent, are they?

Stuff 'em.

Kewcumber · 09/07/2007 09:43

I have got much tougher since DS and my 6.30am starts. I am now known to say at 10.30 "I'm going to bed now" . Mostly people haven;'t realised the time and leave very quickly. IF your DH won't stick up for you, you will have to stick up for yourself and just go to bed at 10pm whetehr they are there or not.

They are being hugely unreasonable.

MamaMaiasaura · 09/07/2007 09:45

You are NOT being unreasonable.

Oblomov · 09/07/2007 09:48

Friends ? They sound horrible. Put your foot down. And every week ? tell dh, no more.

MrsJohnCusack · 09/07/2007 09:48

I think it's late to visit someone FULL STOP children or no children. every fecking MOnday, until after midnight?? What's wrong with these people!

DH may be mild mannered but I think he's going to have to get mouthy about this one.

IsabelWatchingItRainInMacondo · 09/07/2007 09:50

We know a couple just like that, who have the added bonus of thinking that sending children to bed at 7:00 is a form of cruelty as it wouldn't allow them to see much of his workaholic parent.

It's not that they are not nice, but FGS, they never leave before 11:00 even when they have a 3 yr old and a baby, they have no consideration whatsoever in our need to wake up early (and to sleep more than them).

We have tried everything, but even inviting them early for lunch means that they will be here for 12 hours rather than leaving on good time. And it is not as we are having a great conversation or lots of fun, as they are very quiet and don't speak much. LAst time they were around I stayed in the kitchen with the wife for an hour just to find DH and all the children sleeping on the sofa while the guy was finishing watching a movie!!!!

So you have my sympathy, all of it. It is easy to say dump them but some times this may be impossible (although if they were ringing us at midnight!). For the time being, seeing them for days out is working relatively well, and... I have banned them from my house unless it's a saturday and we have absolutely nothing planned for Sunday morning.

Original poster
BHANNAE · 09/07/2007 09:51

Thanks ladies,

Earthymama- 'seething with resentment' you have hit the nail on the head.That is how I feel every Monday atm.

I also feel uptight in the run-up to the visit

Am really having to hold my tongue.Hopefully dh will sort it out and tell them not to bother tonight.

OP posts:
catsmother · 09/07/2007 09:53

YANBU, and if this twonky friend ignores it, then it's decision time. Do you resign yourself to this appalling rudeness, or do you (well, DH) lay it on the line - yet again - and far more assertively, as in, if you are not prepared to show some basic consideration and manners, you can p*ss off ?

Then I'd block their number(s) so you don't get any more unwanted calls at ridiculous hours.

These aren't friends, this man is a bully. It doesn't matter whether or not you are pregnant, have 10 kids or none, the fact of the matter is, you have politely asked them not to come round so late or ring when they do - as is anyone's right - and this has been blatantly ignored.