Is my neighbour a serial killer?

[Iltavilli]

We live in a bog standard 3 bed semi. Our attached neighbour has a kitchen extension but also a small brick built outhouse (1920s house so not standard).
Our dog seems obsessed with the outhouse. The neighbour is in her late 70s, has lived here for 30+ years, no close family seem to visit. She’s a fab neighbour but should we accept she’s a likely serial killer?

(Not serious for those easily offended)

, perhaps that could be my first problem... Yippee... I'm off to thighland

Okay, first things first.

Does your neighbour like cheese, like, a LOT?

Has she recently moved a lodger in who looks like a penguin in the day, but maybe a chicken in the evening?

I'm wondering if the dog is sizing up the outhouse as a potential new home given the new house guest.

Keep your jewels safe!

Is your dog a former cadaver sniffer dog?

Or a current cadaver sniffer dog??

zombies - or aliens the type that leap out of your chest - ndn is in a human old lady suit with a zip upfront hidden under her clothes & at night time goes to the out house to confer & plan with the other aliens to takeover the world - don't close your eyes op or you, your husband & dog will become aliens (I really will have to stop reading so many sci fi :) )

Could it be a cannabis farm?

Not so funny! A mate of mine lived next door to one for several months before we twigged. If you dog comes back wearing a psychadelic headband, then you'll know for sure.

Maybe she's stockpiling biscuits for a potential no-deal Brexit. In which case at least now you know where the biscuits are in case such an emergency comes to pass.

Make no bones about it, it's very suspicious.

It's not that delicious pie-maker Mrs Lovett is it?

Or perhaps she is making bombs?

Is you dog an ex bomb dog?

ah got it! its hidden entrance to a nuclear bomb shelter -

The dog is planning to convert it into a studio kennel and sell it for 500k.

Do your lofts.... connect...?

Do your lofts...connect?....

There's a weird echo in here!

It's a very smelly shed with foxes under it and cats playing guitars inside it.

Does she have any children?

Could there have been a set of twins?

It is traditional to lock up the Evil Twin and feed them on fish heads. Does the outhouse smell of mackerel?

I noted the cereal killer post on here and it reminded me that they are real. The trick is to get up late every day, so they have had their cereal for breakfast, hence rendered unwilling to do killing. Great excuse for arriving late at work. Who could not seek advice of HR for an issue pertaining to being killed by a neighbour if one rises before 10 am. Clearly a Nelfen Safe Tea issue, so like tea, milk it.

Maybe the neighbours on the other side are the serial killers and have been stashing bodies in her outhouse? Theyre moving before they’re rumbled?

Undercover Russian spy, do not accept any perfume from her

Perhaps she’s a secret dominatrix, and that’s her s&m dungeon ......

What you need is a Great Dane and a stoner to act as bait to draw her out while you don a cravat and set a series of complex traps using an orange net and 3 sticks of celery.

Oh God, the LOFT!

We’ve only been here six months and still haven’t ventured up... I think we need back up.

We had a neighbour who had a complex series of large sheds in his garden, all rigged up with power cables running in, and all obsessionally locked with heavy bolts and chains. Sometimes, he'd burn stuff in these big steel bins, and the smoke was horrible. Other times, we'd hear him use powerful saws. We had a slightly nervous joke that we lived next door to a serial killer, too. Or that he was one of those blokes who abducts women and keeps them in captivity.

Turned out he was a model steam enthusiast. Built little sit on steam engines and such. Was the kindest, gentlest and most mild-mannered of men. But we had a good six months of feeling weird about him first.

I can't believe that none of you have twigged that it is, in fact, Jeff who is the serial killer. That waggy tail isn't all it appears to be you know.