Is my neighbour a serial killer?

[Iltavilli]

We live in a bog standard 3 bed semi. Our attached neighbour has a kitchen extension but also a small brick built outhouse (1920s house so not standard).
Our dog seems obsessed with the outhouse. The neighbour is in her late 70s, has lived here for 30+ years, no close family seem to visit. She’s a fab neighbour but should we accept she’s a likely serial killer?

(Not serious for those easily offended)

Was worried this thread was about me but I'm not in my 70s and tend to dispose of my bodies in woodland.

@Buccanarab You are to be applauded as your body disposal method is ecologically sound, as long as you remove all clothing from the bodies, as any man made fibres will not rot and decompose.

Send your DP round to investigate and see if he ever returns............??

Can confidently say it's been built on the site of an ancient Native American burial ground or Sematary

To prove, kill your dog/DP, bury him/dog in her garden, a few days later it will come back...... but ever so slightly different.

If not, there is always POF and the Dogs trust.

My Grandma had serrated grapefruit spoons...

What did the police say?

She’s a fab neighbour but should we accept she’s a likely serial killer?

Without a doubt. Just don't accept a dinner invitation.

Will being a serial killer make her not so fab?

Apparently a significant majority of murderers drive an SUV in the US. What's the equivalent in the UK? ....Does she drive a Fiesta with blacked out rear windows??

My Grandma had serrated grapefruit spoons...

I have been unfortunate enough to have viewed crime scene photo's which involved grapefruit spoons.

OP is your husband called Hansel, and does your neighbour wear a lot of black and speak German? I think you need to go round and lick the outhouse walls. You may detect a sweet aftertaste. If there is a window, look for the large Aga/Rayburn type cooker that she will roast in. And a large dog crate to hold her next victim visitor while they gain adequate weight. If she ever tries to tempt you in with a biscuit or cake you need to run for the hills.
Make sure you leave a trail of crumbs so you can find your way back home.

The police said she was a lovely old lady and that the little meat pies she served with tea were unusual but delicious.

I'd be more worried if she drives a saloon car, like a Honda Accord, much easier to hide a body in and no-one can see into the boot.

Hijack her post and see if she has an astronomical electricity bill for growing cannabis/running lots of body freezers? Or maybe she has a high water bill from filling baths with chemicals out there to dispose of the bodies? I watch way too much TV

Our dog is obsessed with ndn shed. I think rats or mice.

No news on the door- to- door sausage salesman who has been missing for months from my local area.....

Is this your neighbour ?

Stop it, you lot are killing me! As in laughing - not actual killing...but you got that.....

Go and tell the police your suspicions. They obviously won't believe you and you'll be forced to investigate at night, when it's raining, and you're wearing unsuitable clothing and shoes.

And a malfunctioning torch

If it s the location that is pinging on my screen I am pretty sure that the shed lies over the concealed entrance to The Umbrella Corporation’s underground laboratory complex.

Obviously the zombies and other mutant creations have made it to this entrance and this is what your dog can detect.

If your name is Alice then I suggest that you explore the shed further so that you can single handedly deal with this threat to the world as we know it.

If this were a thread about the neighbour who was a man the responses would be quite different.

Posters would be saying it's just his potting shed and the dog can smell his Werther's Originals, BFG and all that. But the neighbour is a female so we must all assume she has antimacassars on her armchairs, sweet sherry in the larder, practicing witchcraft by night.

Keep telling yourself she's a serial killer, but I think you know it's worse than that really.....it's rats. Lots of rats.

There are hundreds of heads in jars in the outhouse. Obviously!!

😂

(We have an outhouse, I feel like I might need to inform my neighbours now I'm not a serial killer)

Was the door to door sausage salesmen selling battered sausages formed into a rope? Tasty and useful as a murder weapon, but your neighbour knew that already.

Where’s the OP? Oh god, her head has been shrunk and her body parts have been harvested for medical research.

Why harvest the organs for medical research? There's cash to be made. I have a bucket, a serrated grapefruit spoon and a pritt stick. If anyone needs a new liver or a stick on willy for a laugh we have loads. Take payment in snax.