Is my neighbour a serial killer?

[Iltavilli]

We live in a bog standard 3 bed semi. Our attached neighbour has a kitchen extension but also a small brick built outhouse (1920s house so not standard).
Our dog seems obsessed with the outhouse. The neighbour is in her late 70s, has lived here for 30+ years, no close family seem to visit. She’s a fab neighbour but should we accept she’s a likely serial killer?

(Not serious for those easily offended)

What does she think of your dog? I assume that you wouldn't be willing to sacrifice the dog?

Could DP infiltrate the property by asking what services she can provide?

OP have you watch The Burbs? It’s an old Tom Hanks movie and is obviously compulsory viewing for you now.

Alternatively it could’ve been....

Does neighbour ever visit this outhouse in a teddy and french knickers? This missing sausage salesman was a dishy bloke! We are very sad in our parts- his sausage was the talk of the Town.

I’m still alive! Neighbour was very happy when we got the dog, surprisingly so. She mentioned security etc (he’s a useless guard dog and would sell his soul for a biscuit). Maybe she thinks the dog can protect her lair from anyone who’d investigate...

All just so suspicious.

Offer to go in there

It's that sort of logic Waffly that would see you walk into the darkened boathouse on the jetty of the fog covered lake at midnight, wearing a nightie and holding a stick of celery.

Your dog just aids her cover. Every decent serial killer knows that if the neighbours dog doesn't cotton on the Rozzers never will.

Does she enter surprisingly good pate at the WI annual show?

Rats or a fox den, I reckon. One of our neighbours has a bathroom light on all the time. I said to DH that it might be where the neighbour keeps a sex slave. Either that or a snake / reptile that needs to have light on it all the time. However, DH said that the likeliest explanation is that the cord on the bathroom light has snapped and the neighbour CBA to replace it (fits with profile of state of garden, window frames etc.).

Had a nosey out the back bedroom window. The outhouse has a small kind of flue in the far corner.

Is the fire in there to warm her trapped victims or to burn their bodies?!?

Could it be to pump in cyanide gas ?

It's to cook the sausages OP. I'd bet you 2lb of Cumberlands. Dog is attracted to the smell.

Hold on a minute! These sausages are battered, they're not Cumberlands, oh no.

Perhaps the neighbour is distilling moonshine. Does she say y'all and have an Appalachian accent? Does she look like a care worn Jennifer Lawrence?

Ask her if she knows where Mads Mikkelsen is. I had him trapped in a cage but his erstwhile skillz as a gymnast hath aided his escape.

Could be!
Maybe the fumes have gone to OPs head and this is all an hallucination. Poor old lady next door is actually on a different thread worried about the crazy women next door?

My thoughts:

smoking kippers
pet insect and rodent crematorium
meth lab

Is the OP her own ndn? It happened to Sybill, it could happen to anyone. Is the OP scribbling angry notes in green crayon backwards and forwards between herselves.

I agree OP needs further investigation!

Also we really need to know the breed of dog. If Jack Russell well, they're just like that. If a whippet and going nuts then definitely dead bodies or thousands of prisoners in the shed.

The outhouse has a small kind of flue in the far corner.

Oh Christ, do not go next door, she has her own personal crematorium 😲

Look closely, are there large cylinders with a skull and crossbones 🕱 and the word Napalm writ large? If so she's probably got a lot of Napalm. This woman/you sounds very dangerous.

The dog was a street dog and is a massive scavenger because of it (can scent potential food from miles away).
We think he’s a lab / sighthound cross.

A street dog? Does he wear a red dress and answer to Roxanne?

He does like red, but loves being muddy so would ruin a nice frock. Answers, occasionally, to Jeff.

Could you dress Jeff up and make him pretend to be a council official who needs access to the outbuilding?

Send Jeff round ( wearing a suit obvs) pretending to be a property developer , get him to give her a cheque for ££££ in exchange for the murder shed. You can then go and investigate, not forgetting to cancel the cheque.