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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think this was ridiculously rude

251 replies

lastqueenofscotland · 09/03/2019 20:55

Invited two friends round for dinner tonight. Due to another commitment it was always going to be late (arrive half 8 eat at 9) explicitly said this when I was arranging it as I know it’s very late for some people.
Assured me it’s fine.

Got food in inc some naice (fucking expensive) ingredients. Get everything cooking, text at 8:45 asking if they are on their way.
Reply “oh no we were too hungry to had to make our own dinner, we can come round in an hour or two after we’re done.”
I was a bit hacked off so told them not to bother Blush
Aibu to be pretty seething Blush

OP posts:
PiebaldHamster · 10/03/2019 18:42

Some of you should make sure you never go to prison, they get dinner at 4:30!

Um, yeah, I'll keep that in mind. Early dinner would be the least of my worries if I found myself in prison Hmm.

Girlking · 10/03/2019 18:43

FGS the woman invited 2 friends for dinner at her house for 9pm . She put a lot of effort/thought/money into preparing that meal. Her friends decided they couldn’t wait and had to eat dinner but would come afterwards!!!! It’s not about the time of the meal it’s the actual audacity of her friends to insult her like that! How rude and disrespectful. Imagine been invited over for a lovely meal/evening at a friends and doing that to her ? Shabby

Vivianebrezilletbrooks · 10/03/2019 18:47

Incredulously rude, never invite them again.
I'd tell them the trouble you went to,make them feel guilty. They could have had a snack instead. Freeze the food and save it for you and DH instead.

Fedupofthisrubbish · 10/03/2019 18:53

I find it totally weird that the discussion is around whether 9pm is too late for dinner or not.

They were invited, they accepted. OP went to a lot of trouble. They were beyond rude eating dinner and not letting her know.

I.sincerely hope they apologise.

thedisorganisedmum · 10/03/2019 18:55

Some of you should make sure you never go to prison, they get dinner at 4:30!

Confused are RSVP required there?

mintich · 10/03/2019 19:00

Did they reply??

FetchezLaVache · 10/03/2019 19:00

I'm sure there's an unfinished Jane Austen novel in which there is a lot of competitive late dinner-centred snobbishness. It's uncanny how relevant she continues to be, 200 years after her death.

TapasForTwo · 10/03/2019 19:06

Joining in to see what their reply was.

AliceLiddel · 10/03/2019 19:14

OP, im in the north and we eat at about 8/9pm, the children eat at 6pm. On weekends we eat together around 6-7pm.

YouTheCat · 10/03/2019 19:19

Well, we eat at 11pm, half an hour after we go to bed, up in darkest Tyneside. Grin

Judystilldreamsofhorses · 10/03/2019 19:27

We eat about 7 during the week, later on weekends. I have a friend who eats at 5.30 (no young children) and just wouldn’t be able to wait until even 7. She and I meet for lunch because I would be horsing into snacks by 10 if I ate so early.

JazzerMcJazzer · 10/03/2019 19:28

Hilarious that so many people seem to think that it was all OP’s own fault for having dinner at some sort of “abnormal” time!

For goodness sake- her guests knew she was cooking for them and knew what time it would be ready. Not only did they decide to eat their own food, they didn’t even have the courtesy to tell OP when they sat down to their “normally timed” meal and instead waited until she texted them at the scheduled arrival time to find out where the fuck they were!

They were beyond rude, regardless of the time of the dinner.

OP is it possible that your friends misunderstood the formality of the invitation and thought it was just a “come round to keep me company tonight while DH is out, we could eat together if you fancy?” Sort if arrangement?

Would really like to know what they said when you (rightly) told them to sod off with their “we’ll come round later”.

JazzerMcJazzer · 10/03/2019 19:31

Also all those banging on about “normal” dinner times- it was Saturday night! Can you not even imagine that possibly socialising and eating a bit later at the weekend might be, you know, fun? You lot really know how to live don’t you?!

Howdidthisbecomemylife · 10/03/2019 19:34

I don’t eat at 9 as a norm but I wouldn’t bat an eye at a 9pm dinner party

problembottom · 10/03/2019 19:39

We’re in Manchester and we have dinner at 8.30pm or 9pm. DP doesn’t usually finish work until post 6pm and we like a glass of wine to unwind and chat before cooking etc! And if we’re out on a weekend we wouldn’t make a dinner reservation before 8.30pm. Everyone is different but it’s unfair to suggest a 9pm dinner is off.

Howdidthisbecomemylife · 10/03/2019 19:43

This was next level rude. I think you should call them out on it. Send a text saying did they realise when you invited them for dinner you had spend hours preparing a two course meal from scratch you didn’t just mean you were doing beans on toast.

ToftyAC · 10/03/2019 19:52

That’s is incredibly out of order! Especially when they knew. I’d have told them to go fuck themselves. You are definitely not being unreasonable to be well hacked off. From what they said it didn’t seem that they were likely to be coming at all if you hadn’t have text them.

ToftyAC · 10/03/2019 19:55

Ps: I have a small child. He has his tea at tea time, but my & DP eat between 7 and 10 normally.

MulticolourMophead · 10/03/2019 19:56

It is irrelevant what time any of you actually eat.

OP told them 9pm at the time of arranging, which she has said was a week before.

She has also said that whenever she's eaten at theirs, it was never before 8pm.

They said 9pm was no problem, and then didn't let OP know they had eaten. She only found out when she messaged them at 8:45pm.

Totally rude of them, there. I wouldn't be in any hurry to invite them back.

greenpop21 · 10/03/2019 19:58

They were seriously rude.

Livpool · 10/03/2019 19:59

We eat about 6 usually but if I am invited somewhere to eat and I am told the time we are eating will be 9 then that is fine.

Your friends sound weird and rude

RedBerryTea · 10/03/2019 20:07

Are these people good friends OP? Do they have form for this sort of behaviour? Years ago we invited friends over for Sunday lunch. I spent all morning prepping and made lots of side dishes from scratch. They turned up and were very hungover from a night out - laughing lots about how pissed they got last night and how rough they felt today. One couldn't face eating anything, the other just picked at theirs. They thought it was funny - I thought it was an insult. I really wish they'd just cancelled rather than waste our time, effort and money. So many people are just thoughtless and selfish.

WildUnknown · 10/03/2019 20:07

Regardless of the side debate of when people eat (when they want to should be sufficient )

Your homemade dinner sounds both amazing and thoughtful @lastqueenofscotland

A relative of mine did something similar to my mother at Christmas and totally ignored the needs of everyone else, they were being deliberately and wilfully rude and when they did text to say they were on their way were told they were too late

So I know exactly how you feel, never offer to cook for them again, and if you have to cater get microwave stuff

thedisorganisedmum · 10/03/2019 20:14

in which there is a lot of competitive late dinner-centred snobbishness.

Rather than snobbishness, you might find that many people would love to leave the office earlier, and have reliable trains that take them home much faster.

Some parents might enjoy a grown-up diner once the kids are in bed, but many people would love to have finished, cleaned and closed the kitchen door when they kids are put to bed to have some kind of evening.

Not everything is about snobbishness. Even my 4 year old couldn't eat at 5pm, she's still at school!

Lou670 · 10/03/2019 20:17

I think the point raised in the original posting has now got 'lost' as the thread has deflected onto appropriate dining time.

Our family tend to eat at different times and with different meals. I don't work so I eat when I want/need to eat but Dinner/Tea is usually around 6pm as I tend to go to bed early and I am usually up and about in the morning by 4.30/5.00am. My husband starts work early so he is usually home by 5.30pm. Our children come and go due their study/work timetables.

My eldest commutes by car to university 2 days a week. She also works part time and her work involves shift work. She also does placements at a hospital (student nurse) so again works shifts. My youngest also a student usually is home by 6pm.

It is hard to sit down as a family due to the above and it is rare that we all eat together. It's also not easy with young children as they then on certain days may have after school activities.

With regard to the question that was asked. I think it's very rude not to have contacted the host/hosts with their intentions of arriving over 2 hours late and having already eaten. If I had been the host then I would be thinking where are they? Have they been involved in some sort of accident? How long do I wait until serving up? Do I know chase them up?

Had the host not texted them then she would have been expected to hang around until 10.45pm (given the times) for them to turn up and say they have eaten.

From both sides I would have felt very uncomfortable. As the guests I would not like to sit and watch people eat whilst I was not eating. As the host/hosts I would feel uncomfortable eating in front of guests when they were not eating with me. It does not make a level playing field does it?

I cannot believe that the guests thought that this would be deemed as acceptable. I am the sort of person to text someone if I am only going to be a few minutes late. The timing of the meal is not important. What is important is the lack of manners and consideration by the guests invited. Personally had that happened to me then they would not be invited to my house again.