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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think this was ridiculously rude

251 replies

lastqueenofscotland · 09/03/2019 20:55

Invited two friends round for dinner tonight. Due to another commitment it was always going to be late (arrive half 8 eat at 9) explicitly said this when I was arranging it as I know it’s very late for some people.
Assured me it’s fine.

Got food in inc some naice (fucking expensive) ingredients. Get everything cooking, text at 8:45 asking if they are on their way.
Reply “oh no we were too hungry to had to make our own dinner, we can come round in an hour or two after we’re done.”
I was a bit hacked off so told them not to bother Blush
Aibu to be pretty seething Blush

OP posts:
PiebaldHamster · 10/03/2019 22:53

My god! Who the fuck cares what time any of you eat dinner?? It has literally nothing to do with the thread!

And that as well!

PiebaldHamster · 10/03/2019 23:00

Because someone accused people who want to eat earlier of being narrow minded!! Which was rude, and is derailing the thread.

That wasn't my point at all. You missed it completely and got all personal and then ordered no more thread derailments. Nink got it at least, as well as some others. It's narrow minded to be unable to think outside your own box, you know Hmm (or perhaps not) but again, the meal time isn't the point of the thread.

Sounds really lovely of a Sat. night, lastqueen. I hope you told them how rude they are.

MyKingdomForBrie · 10/03/2019 23:14

Oh OP how shit of them, what a shame after all your amazing cooking! I would have done the same and told them not to bother, what a pair of twats.

Ninkaninus · 10/03/2019 23:26

Here is the relevant quoted comment:

They were fucking rude. YANBU. But it seems a lot of people just can't think outside of their boxes from some of the narrow-minded comments on here. 9pm is fine. You pre-warned them. They were rude.

You’ll notice it says nothing at all about people being narrow-minded because of being accustomed to eating earlier in the evening. What it actually refers to is narrow-mindedness due to not being able to think outside your own little box. You and the few people you actually know and/or socialuse with eat at a certain time. Many other people eat other times, because it suits their daily lives and circumstances. Some people prefer to eat together as a couple after their children have gone to bed. Some people have long commutes. My OH gets back at 6.30 on a very good day and anytime from 7-8 on a bad day. He sometimes needs to stay late at the office. Sometimes he chooses to. Most days the rush hour traffic is a nightmare. It’s a one hour drive on an exceptionally good day, and easily approaches an hour and three quarters on a bad day. So we often eat at around eight. If we’re having something a little more elaborate it could well be closer to nine.

honeybeetheoneandonly · 11/03/2019 01:32

I don't understand what their plan was.
Had you not send that message, would they have turned up late? at all?
Did they maybe forget? Have you spoken to them since?
If I arrange a date and time to meet you and you ring me 10min after that time, chances are I'm on my way/ getting ready. I would not be "hours away" from coming over. How weird.

Catsinthecupboard · 11/03/2019 01:51

They aren't really friends, OP, they are rude cf's in my opinion.

If they accepted your invitation FOR DINNER, no matter the time of the meal, they said 'yes" which means they should have cancelled politely or eaten a snack if they couldn't wait and then had a lovely dinner with you.

Flowers enjoy your leftovers. I really like them more than original meal sometimes.

Flobochin · 11/03/2019 07:14

Sorry OP I couldnt wait to eat at 9, I'm usually in bed by 10.

Ninkaninus · 11/03/2019 07:24

Just came back to make it clear that I use terms like ‘idiocy’ and ‘stupidity’ in a general sense, descriptively, and not in reference to any particular individual! Similarly, ‘you’ is the collective you and not necesssarily directed at any one person.

IvanaPee · 11/03/2019 08:02

Sorry OP I couldnt wait to eat at 9, I'm usually in bed by 10.

So?

UnspiritualHome · 11/03/2019 08:03

Who cares whether some people wouldn't want to eat at 9? The point is these people accepted an invitation to do so and were then incredibly rude.

liamhemsworthsrealwife · 11/03/2019 08:40

They accepted a dinner invitation at 9pm. What does it matter whether anyone else on this thread needs to eat earlier? I gather you don't all accept a dinner invite for 9pm if you're so sure of your dining time requirements.

sandgrown · 11/03/2019 08:58

My friend held an expensive catered event for a significant birthday. Numbers were limited due to space and cost. Another friend asked to bring her teenage DS as she had nobody to stay with him ( event was afternoon into evening) Birthday girl reluctantly agreed . None of them turned up or rang to cancel! When I asked friend why she did not go she just said she had been busy and didn't feel.like going out ! I was angry on behalf of my friend who could have invited someone else .

Fedupofthisrubbish · 11/03/2019 09:05

@sandgrown I think I have come out in a rage rash reading that.

sandgrown · 11/03/2019 10:12

I know Fedup . The worst thing was she never contacted the host to explain. I only found out her excuse when I asked her the following week . It was just so rude .

Grumblepants · 11/03/2019 10:21

Am I the only one thinking if I was the friend I would just have had two dinners?? Win win!
Yes they were very rude.

Tilikum · 11/03/2019 10:21

Your friends were so rude OP What did they sat when you told them not to bother coming?

Also, this vicious, 3 day bunfight about what time all right-thinking people have their dinner at is the true spirit of Mumsnet. Bravo.

ralfeesmum · 11/03/2019 10:55

"we can come round in an hour or two after we've done"?

Like they're doing you a big fat favour? Blimey!

JazzerMcJazzer · 11/03/2019 13:19

The fa t that they were suggesting that they drop in at some unspecified time between 9.45 and 10.45 makes me think that perhaps they thought OP had just invited them round to keep her company while her husband was out, and something got lost in communication along the way?

Though (and I say this as someone who would not bat an eyelid at eating at 9) going to visit someone at 9.45 at the earliest does seem very weird indeed unless it’s a booty call!

Paraballa · 11/03/2019 13:44

This thread is hilarious!

As a child we ate dinner at 6pm but when I started working in London commuting two hours each way I didn't get home till 8pm at the earliest (I worked 9.30-6) so I started eating around 9pm

Now I have children. I feed them at 5pm as that's when they eat Best, then feed DH and myself after their bedtime, so I start cooking around 8.30pm most nights.

I can't eat before 7pm as otherwise I have to eat again!

I love that some people thought everyone eats at the same time! Imagine the whole world sitting down to dinner together (yes yes I know timezones mean this wouldn't happen but it's such a cute image).

IrmaFayLear · 11/03/2019 14:00

I live in a bland sort of cultural wasteland place and it astonished me that nearly everyone seems to sit down to dinner at 5pm! People have dinner en famille and then start ferrying their kids round activities.

I simply couldn't do this as a) I wouldn't be hungry b) I'd get indigestion c) I like a glass of wine with my dinner and d) I'd then want another dinner later on.

However, that isn't the point of the thread. The point is that if someone has invited you for dinner you act in a flexible manner and arrange your day's eating accordingly. If you can't then you politely decline the invitation or ask if you can fix another date/time.

Ballbags · 11/03/2019 14:06

YANBU. Rude twats.
My in-laws did something similar: due on Boxing Day for lunch at 2pm, they got held up in traffic so stopped at motorway services for a sandwich instead. On Boxing Day. I had a huge pile of (expensive) food prepared.

Gwenhwyfar · 11/03/2019 20:40

"Am I the only one thinking if I was the friend I would just have had two dinners?? "

Would you really eat two dinners?
There's an episode of The Vicar of Dibley that you really need to watch.

grumiosmum · 12/03/2019 07:17

Gwenhwyfar

A friend of mine once had to eat two dinners as she double-booked herself. We all figured it out, and to this day she does not know that we know!

OffToBedhampton · 12/03/2019 08:38

It was definitely rude and if close friends I'd be ripping the p**s out of them....

browneyes77 · 12/03/2019 08:45

It’s irrelevant what time other people have their dinner or whether they think 9pm is late to eat. Plus nobody cares! So please stop listing dinner times!

The OP advised them of the time and they agreed it. They could’ve said it’s too late for them but they didn’t, they agreed to that time. They then didn’t even bother to contact the OP when running late, she had to chase them to see where they were.

If they were that hungry they could’ve had a snack to tide them over, not eat an entire meal. It’s rude and disrespectful.

OP - did they say anything after you told them not to bother coming? Have they even bothered apologising?