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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this was ridiculously rude

251 replies

lastqueenofscotland · 09/03/2019 20:55

Invited two friends round for dinner tonight. Due to another commitment it was always going to be late (arrive half 8 eat at 9) explicitly said this when I was arranging it as I know it’s very late for some people.
Assured me it’s fine.

Got food in inc some naice (fucking expensive) ingredients. Get everything cooking, text at 8:45 asking if they are on their way.
Reply “oh no we were too hungry to had to make our own dinner, we can come round in an hour or two after we’re done.”
I was a bit hacked off so told them not to bother Blush
Aibu to be pretty seething Blush

OP posts:
BackforGood · 09/03/2019 21:20

YANBU - that is incredibly rude.

......and I speak as someone who normally eats at 6 ish.
I'd have had some toast or something earlier on - or changed when I ate at lunch time etc.
or
if I really felt I couldn't eat that late, have said when you invited, and said - no, don't worry cooking, we'll just pop in for a drink later or something before you bought the food.

EnglishRose13 · 09/03/2019 21:20

What did you cook?

NataliaOsipova · 09/03/2019 21:21

YANBU. That’s incredibly rude!

FullOfJellyBeans · 09/03/2019 21:21

Bloody hell YANBU that's so rude. They could have grabbed a tiny snack if they couldn't wait!

BrightYellowDaffodil · 09/03/2019 21:32

That is unforgivably rude. They knew dinner would be late ( jeez, it’s not THAT late) and they decided to eat elsewhere and rock up when they feel like it? And waste your time and ingredients? As someone who loves to cook, and who often goes to quite a lot of time and expense to do so, I feel for you @OP.

Tell them to fuck off; they aren’t welcome at yours. I’d be SO FAR beyond seething.

LunafortJest · 09/03/2019 21:34

Yes, it is rude. But I think eating dinner at 9pm is beyond ridiculous! If you had a prior commitment the normal thing is to reschedule the dinner. You should have left it for the weekend or when you were able to cook/eat dinner at a normal hour, not stupid oclock or 3 hours before midnight. So I think you were actually very rude, too.

And I think maybe they were giving you a taste of your rudeness if that makes sense.

americandream · 09/03/2019 21:34

Awful. Very rude. I mean, 9pm may be a bit late for dinner for some, but at least have the common decency to say so! I struggle with eating that late, and on the occasions I do, I struggle getting a big meal down at that time, and it lies on me heavy in bed, but I would say so! I would say I can't eat a big meal after 7-7.30pm.

A similar thing happened to us once; we invited a couple we knew around for a meal, but it was 6.30pm! Not late! We spent about 3 hours prepping & cooking dinner, and spent about 20 quid, and this couple came round and said they weren't hungry as they had had a pizza at 5pm. Hmm They said they'd got hungry, and didn't want anything to eat at ours now, but they didn't mind if we sat there and ate our food. Confused

Me and DH were starving as we had not eaten since midday, and we sat there eating our food, (at the dining table,) whilst they sat there (on the couch) looking at the walls, waiting for us to finish. It was so awkward, and we shoveled it down, so we could move away from the dining area.

Needless to say, we never invited them again!

RedHatsDoNotSuitMe · 09/03/2019 21:37

I could still come and eat, OP. what did you cook?

americandream · 09/03/2019 21:38

Bit harsh @LunafortJest Shock

I mean, I think 9pm is late for dinner, but if the guests thought this, they were quite within their rights to say so, and refuse the invite. (Like I have done in the past.) Coming along and saying they have already eaten (when the host has prepared and served the meal,) is very poor etiquette.

BrightYellowDaffodil · 09/03/2019 21:41

@LunaforJest Regardless of whether you think 9pm is late (hint: for some, it's not) it was what had been agreed.

And as for You should have left it for the weekend It IS the weekend. In case you missed what day it is.

Original poster
lastqueenofscotland · 09/03/2019 21:41

I invited them a week ago... it was always going to be 9?
It wasn’t like I said come round at 6, oh no wait I can’t be bothered come at 9?

I know them well and they are not early eaters, every time I’ve been round there food has been 8 at the earliest, nor do they have small children they might have wanted to eat with.

OP posts:
Original poster
lastqueenofscotland · 09/03/2019 21:42

And 9 is my usual dinner hour. In 365 days of the year there are probably about 5 I can manage to do earlier.

OP posts:
BrightYellowDaffodil · 09/03/2019 21:42

@americandream That is awful of them! I can never understand people who don't realise how much work (and money) goes into preparing a meal for guests.

NataliaOsipova · 09/03/2019 21:43

But I think eating dinner at 9pm is beyond ridiculous!

Pretty standard for us.

Elizabeth2019 · 09/03/2019 21:45

Super rude and without a decent explanation I’d not be inviting them around again

LunafortJest · 09/03/2019 21:45

Fair enough everyone, I stand corrected.

americandream · 09/03/2019 21:47

Yes @brightyellowdaffodil it was pretty rude and awful. As I said, me and DH felt so awkward. [blush[ Just chucking it down as quickly as poss to finish it. And half the food was left (as they had none!) I mean, we saved it/froze it, and had it a few days later, but that's not the point. it was a shit night, and we were glad when they left at 10pm!

americandream · 09/03/2019 21:47

blush fail! I mean Blush

Stargazer888 · 09/03/2019 21:48

Very rude! I'm sorry. That sucks.

shitholiday2018 · 09/03/2019 21:48

So rude. And odd. I think it says a great deal about the friendship to be honest, and the lack of respect they have for you and arrangements with you. I wouldn’t do anything dramatic (I’m not in the NC brigade) but I would certainly take an enormous step back from these people. I don’t think real friends do this sort of thing. I’m sorry they were so shit to you. DP will think it’s Christmas though!

icarriedaturnip · 09/03/2019 21:48

I think it was very rude, they knew beforehand it would be late, if they were hungry they could’ve just had a little snack, usually if we have late dinner arrangements we’ll have a big lunch or tea and toast or something before we go

FurrySlipperBoots · 09/03/2019 21:48

Unbelievable!! I mean, just, wow!

As for people saying it's late, I don't eat til 9 or 10. Even if you're used to a main meal at 6, if you've said you're coming, make do with a small sandwich at 6 and feel a bit peckish for a couple of hours! It's one evening, not a lifestyle change.

I'm really sorry OP, that was a shitty thing for them to do.

shitholiday2018 · 09/03/2019 21:49

And yes, regular 9pm dinners here, often much later by the time we do mains and pudding if we have people round.

TyneTeas · 09/03/2019 21:54

What did they say when you told them not to bother?

Armadillostoes · 09/03/2019 21:55

I appreciate that you stand corrected Luna but your post was bonkers! Lots of people eat at 9pm. You might not be one of them but how on Earth is a (pretty common) choice rude?