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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this was ridiculously rude

251 replies

lastqueenofscotland · 09/03/2019 20:55

Invited two friends round for dinner tonight. Due to another commitment it was always going to be late (arrive half 8 eat at 9) explicitly said this when I was arranging it as I know it’s very late for some people.
Assured me it’s fine.

Got food in inc some naice (fucking expensive) ingredients. Get everything cooking, text at 8:45 asking if they are on their way.
Reply “oh no we were too hungry to had to make our own dinner, we can come round in an hour or two after we’re done.”
I was a bit hacked off so told them not to bother Blush
Aibu to be pretty seething Blush

OP posts:
Kittykat93 · 10/03/2019 07:15

I just can't believe there are people out there who are this rude. I couldn't be friends with such arseholes.

JenniferJareau · 10/03/2019 07:23

They were very rude.

To me, personally, 9pm is too late to eat a main meal however I either would have declined or changed my Sunday arrangements to account for going to bed much later than normal.

As an aside, I am surprised that so many people commenting here eat at 9pm and see it as normal. I always assumed most people ate 7pm or 8pm.

Purplecatshopaholic · 10/03/2019 07:32

Nothing at all wrong with eating at 9pm. But if your friends had an issue with it they should have said.....

Wallywobbles · 10/03/2019 07:35

Young teens here. 9pm not unusual for us any evening. And we get up at 6 and leave at 7.

liamhemsworthsrealwife · 10/03/2019 08:47

I eat at anytime. I'm flexible like that. Late dinner? Have a snack of drink wine til dinner then I'm extra merry.

WelcomeToShootingStars · 10/03/2019 09:56

Erm, I'm in Liverpool and have dinner every day between 8pm and 9pm. I don't get home til 7ish.

thedisorganisedmum · 10/03/2019 10:20

9pm dinner is not normal. Assuming you have a 9-5 job, by the time you've eaten and digested the food it's time for bed

I don't know anyone finishing work at 5 unless they have a part-time job. Just look at the local school, none of the teachers has even left the building at 6pm.

By the time most people commute around here, they are back between 7 and 9 - the trains are always packed at these times.

Nothing wrong with people eating early, but practically there are not many who do. I have never been invited for diner until 8pm either, I am sure some people do, but that's not the majority around here.

I agree that a big diner is not great before bed time, but no one has to stuff themselves with food either. Even at diner parties you don't have to over-eat, you can enjoy the cooking with reasonable portions.

Having accepted an invitation then changing your mind without even telling the host is beyond rude.

Gwenhwyfar · 10/03/2019 10:29

"I don't know anyone finishing work at 5 unless they have a part-time job. "

Are you serious? Normal office jobs are 9-5 with some being till 5.30 I personally don't want to work unpaid overtime so if I stay late one day I go home early the next day. All my life I've had jobs where I either finish at 5 every day or finish at 5 as an average over the week.

MN has a higher proportion of managers so I suppose there are lots who stay longer, but leaving work at 5 is still normal. Just go and stand outside any train station. Peak time is between 5 and 6.

Gwenhwyfar · 10/03/2019 10:31

"I eat at anytime. I'm flexible like that. Late dinner? Have a snack of drink wine til dinner then I'm extra merry."

Having a snack would mean eating more of the day so I wouldn't want that and drinking before a meal would make me really suffer the next day.
I think if I had to have dinner at 9pm, I'd only do it on a weekend and re-arrange my other meals to suit e.g. have breakfast at 10, lunch at 3. That happens naturally sometimes if I sleep in on a weekend.

YouTheCat · 10/03/2019 10:31

Aside from the fact that they already knew food would be at 9, they were doubly rude as it was the OP who had to text and ask where they were. They didn't even have the courtesy to call and let OP know.

Gwenhwyfar · 10/03/2019 10:33

"But I think eating dinner at 9pm is beyond ridiculous!

Best not ever visit Spain then @LunafortJest!"

Spanish people have their main meal at lunchtime. The meal they have around 9-10 is lighter.

MsSquiz · 10/03/2019 10:41

But surely the point here isn't the fact that the OP eats at 9pm?

The point is she invited guests round to eat at 9pm, they agreed to the arrangements and then told her at 8.45pm that they had already eaten (and they only told her because she text them!)

I, personally, wouldn't eat at 9pm because I get terrible heartburn when I eat late, but I would have said that from the start of making plans. "Would love to come round but no need to make any food."

They were rude and I don't blame you for cancelling the plans

TidyDancer · 10/03/2019 10:49

That is very rude. It's happened to me before, family coming round for Sunday lunch and turned up two hours late having had a McDonald's on the way. They haven't been invited back for another one.

Gwenhwyfar · 10/03/2019 10:49

Oh yes, I agree the guests were rude.

However, I don't agree that everyone in the UK doesn't get home until 7 and doesn't eat until 8 or 9 as some people seem to be arguing.

fishonabicycle · 10/03/2019 10:49

Really rude and inconsiderate. I would have been hungry too it would have had a snack to tide me over ...

TapasForTwo · 10/03/2019 10:55

"However, I don't agree that everyone in the UK doesn't get home until 7 and doesn't eat until 8 or 9 as some people seem to be arguing."

Just most people on this thread it seems.

Everyone has different routines depending on their lifestyle. MIL used to think we ate really late at around 6.30 pm. I can't eat any earlier than that as I am not hungry. 9pm is too late for me though, but I wouldn't have done what the OP's guests had done. That is extremely rude.

thedisorganisedmum · 10/03/2019 10:56

Gwenhwyfar

I am totally serious. I see many young people who stroll around asking for a 9 to 5 and are bitterly disappointed when I tell them that the jobs are 9 to 6 (or 8 to 5 or 5:30). I am not saying the whole country is like that, but it's virtually impossible to find a company paying you for a 9 to 5. Again, even the teachers (who some people like to think have short days) are still at school at 6.

I am talking about office workers, receptionists, support staff and so on. Managers have core hours but no one really cares about them but it's another subject entirely.

I know some people finish at 5, but I also know they have been in the office since 6 or 7am!

EggysMom · 10/03/2019 10:57

I'd normally eat a 7pm. But if a friend invited us to dinner and had a good reason for that dinner being around 9pm, I'd plan a snack around 5pm to keep me going but not fill me up. I'd understand that my normal 10pm bedtime won't happen, and maybe have an afternoon nap or plan for a long lie the next day.

The guests were definitely CF.

thedisorganisedmum · 10/03/2019 10:58

I am amazed that some people need to reorganise their meals of the day if they have diner 1 hour later. Unless medical reason, how can it make any difference if you eat within a 2 or 3 hours window?

But again, whatever you prefer, don't accept invitations if you know you won't go because it's inconvenient.

Jenasaurus · 10/03/2019 11:05

I have been really fortunate then. I am 53 and every job I have had since the age of 17, has finished at or before 5pm - currently I work in the public sector, 8am - 4pm or 9am to 5pm (flexi as long as I complete 37 hours a week), prior to this I worked in the private sector in HR and worked 9-5 and before this I worked in private medical devices 9-5 Mon- Thur and 9-1pm on Friday, Maybe ive just been lucky, I have never had to work late except planned overtime perhaps at month end.

Gwenhwyfar · 10/03/2019 11:08

"I am amazed that some people need to reorganise their meals of the day if they have diner 1 hour later."

Eating at 9 would be 3 hours later for some people, not one hour. I would also be worried that an invitation to eat at 9 might mean not eating until later than that.

Gwenhwyfar · 10/03/2019 11:09

"Maybe ive just been lucky, I have never had to work late except planned overtime perhaps at month end."

Same for me, in private, public and non-profit sector and is the norm for millions of people.
Having said that, I only do a basic job and lots of MNers have 'important' jobs. Those who live in the south east of England also tend to have longer commutes so I can see why eating at 8 works for some of them.

Jenasaurus · 10/03/2019 11:12

Eating at 9 would be 3 hours later for some people, not one hour. I would also be worried that an invitation to eat at 9 might mean not eating until later than that

Yes, I agree most dinner parties don't start on time, well the ones I have been too anyway so a meal starting at 9, could start at 10 in reality..But then I wouldn't have agreed to the invite so they have been rude to you OP YANBU

Gwenhwyfar · 10/03/2019 11:13

" it's virtually impossible to find a company paying you for a 9 to 5."

"I am talking about office workers, receptionists, support staff and so on"

Where is this then? Because 9 to 5 or 9 to 5.30 is the norm in both private and public where I live. You can also look up average working hours for the UK. Even with a long hours culture, the norm is not 9-6 or 8-5.

I regularly flyer outside my local train station. There's no point being there much after 6 as that is past peak time.

KrazyKatlady · 10/03/2019 11:14

My job when i worked full time was 9.-5.30 but i often worked ot. I consider it a bonus if my DH is home by 7 , thats a short day (he's self employed). My Dsis works shifts sometimes 8-5, sometimes 11-8. Even if someone works til 5.30 , it could easily be 6.30 or 7 by time they get home so not going to eat immediately. Also if me or DH want to do sports then that generally has to happen before dinner.

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