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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this was ridiculously rude

251 replies

lastqueenofscotland · 09/03/2019 20:55

Invited two friends round for dinner tonight. Due to another commitment it was always going to be late (arrive half 8 eat at 9) explicitly said this when I was arranging it as I know it’s very late for some people.
Assured me it’s fine.

Got food in inc some naice (fucking expensive) ingredients. Get everything cooking, text at 8:45 asking if they are on their way.
Reply “oh no we were too hungry to had to make our own dinner, we can come round in an hour or two after we’re done.”
I was a bit hacked off so told them not to bother Blush
Aibu to be pretty seething Blush

OP posts:
Original poster
lastqueenofscotland · 09/03/2019 22:55

I’m in Manchester most people I know eat at 8ish...

OP posts:
Janleverton · 09/03/2019 23:04

I’d be happy to eat at 9. If you know in advance, then what’s so difficult? Generally eat at 6.30 with kids and dh, but if going out or with friends, then later is not a problem at all.

Jenasaurus · 09/03/2019 23:51

I am in bed by 9 most nights (not tonight obviously :) I have eaten late on occasion but as I get up at 6am have breakfast at 6.30am and lunch at 12 I would be starving leaving it 9 hours until the next meal...but I think I am in the minority, I eat about 7pm most nights (sometimes earlier)

nutellalove · 10/03/2019 00:05

YANBU - so so rude. Have a snack earlier if you're a grown adult that can't wait till 9pm for dinner fgs!!

Mustgetonwithit · 10/03/2019 00:13

Yanbu. Thats thoughtless and rude. Yr meal sounds lovely. I wouldve been really chuffed if one of my friends had gone to so much effort. Pair of duffers....

Mustgetonwithit · 10/03/2019 00:18

What times people eat is irrelevant. They were coming for dinner- they ate first and were going to be late because of it. Rude x 2.

lboogy · 10/03/2019 00:30

9pm dinner is not normal. Assuming you have a 9-5 job, by the time you've eaten and digested the food it's time for bed

They should have said no to the invite if they too can't manage a 9pm dinner

Ontheboardwalk · 10/03/2019 00:30

I can understand not wanting to eat at 9pm I can’t do it but would have told you so upfront

They are in the wrong by telling you at 8:45 they won’t be eating and will rock up an hour or two later. Tell them not to bother

Nothinglefttochoose · 10/03/2019 02:54

That would be friendship over for me. It’s incredibly rude. I can’t actually believe it. They didn’t even attempt to give an excuse.

HalfBearOtherHalfCat · 10/03/2019 04:01

If they disliked the idea of dining that late then they should have either refused the invitation, suggested a compromise (just wine and dessert or something) or had a snack late afternoon to tide them over until 9:00.

Instead they exhibit just how rude, selfish and inconsiderate they can be. Utter dicks. I would be foaming at the mouth with fury, and hell might have to freeze over before they got another dinner invitation out of me!

Margot33 · 10/03/2019 04:19

That's very rude. I couldn't eat that late. I have been invited for a late meal before, but I politely turned it down. I would never accept, then not turn up! Are these close friends?

nightmares · 10/03/2019 05:59

Amazed at the pearl clutching reg 9pm dinners!

Here is a sample from my own childhood in another country - there is no hope in heaven to have dinner before 8:30pm. Dads n moms work until 7pm unless they are government employees. You can’t just leave work at 6pm even if that’s when the day officially ends in a private company. It simply doesn’t work that way, no one wants to be that marked as that guy.

By the time they take public transport / brave the traffic come home and cook dinner - you do the math. From what I know this is the case bar some differences in 2018 too, going by my cousins life style...

I think we can safely assume that at least half the world cannot afford to eat earlier than 8pm

OP your are DNU. Your friends are disrespectful morons.

Decormad38 · 10/03/2019 06:09

No manners have they? Why are you friends?

SlinkyDinkyDoo · 10/03/2019 06:21

SO rude. They could have had a small something to keep them going. No need to eat a meal.

Who the fuck does this? Utter bastards.

OffToBedhampton · 10/03/2019 06:21

YADNU to be seething. They are rude. I hope you bagged their share up for you and DH to eat tomorrow when he's sobered up.

Rather than drop the friendship, I'd just never invite them to dinner again. Invite other friends.
That'll teach them as they missed beautiful homemade gnoche in sauce and pesta crust. (Yum)

UnspiritualHome · 10/03/2019 06:23

Yes, it is rude. But I think eating dinner at 9pm is beyond ridiculous! If you had a prior commitment the normal thing is to reschedule the dinner. You should have left it for the weekend or when you were able to cook/eat dinner at a normal hour, not stupid oclock or 3 hours before midnight. So I think you were actually very rude, too

Absolute bollocks. How can inviting someone for dinner be rude? 9 isn't "stupid o'clock" by any stretch of the imagination. If they didn't want to eat at 9, all they had to do was to say it was too late for them.

Cakemadeoffruit · 10/03/2019 06:26

Very rude! What was their response to being told not to come,? That would be the real point of judging then for me.

shrunkenhead · 10/03/2019 06:40

What is it with adults who can't wait for food?! Surely they're not 3 year olds who'll have the mother of all meltdowns if hungry!?
And we need to know what you cooked (just nosey!), I bet it was lovely. Their loss.

Mummyoflittledragon · 10/03/2019 06:48

Dh is foreign. We’ve eaten a lot later than that before when invited out. I’m not in perfect health and can’t eat that late anymore. I’m often in bed by then. They, however, were incredibly rude. I would never have done this pre illness. You just eat a snack, surely?

QueenOfTheAndals · 10/03/2019 06:57

But I think eating dinner at 9pm is beyond ridiculous!

Best not ever visit Spain then @LunafortJest!

You weren't rude OP, they knew it would be a late dinner from the outset and had the chance to say no then.

QueenOfTheAndals · 10/03/2019 06:59

Also, not sure if anyone's picked up on this but they only informed OP when she texted them! Otherwise would they have just showed up and refused to eat or showed up at 10pm without letting her know?

Purplecatshopaholic · 10/03/2019 07:03

Are they normally so rude? Thats terrible behaviour! Dont invite them again. In fact, dont see them again!

TescoValue · 10/03/2019 07:05

Homemade gnocchi freezes well if you didn't cook it already!

TapasForTwo · 10/03/2019 07:07

They were rude and inconsiderate. Since his stomach surgery OH can't eat much later than 7.30, so if we had been invited for a meal that late we would politely turn it down and just come for drinks instead.

SmarmyMrMime · 10/03/2019 07:09

The arrangements were clear in advance so something light to tide them over was the way to go, not eating a meal shortly before they were due to arrive and being late without notice with no intention of eating the dinner.

I often ate around 9 before DCs. It suited mine and DH's working patterns and gave me some time to chill out before launching into food preparation. Even with DCs, it's still towards 8 when we eat because of work and activities.

DM did something similar. Dsis was having a BBQ around 1pm. Punctuality isn't my family's strong point, but after a few calls of chasing up, DM arrived (1 mile up the road!) after 3pm having had lunch and expressing her surprise that there was food provided at a BBQ Confused
I suspect that she knew full well, but actually isn't that bothered about BBQs so thought she'd faff around rather than just say she'd sort her own lunch and catch up with us which would have been an acceptable response and better than making the rest of us wait for some of that time for no good reason.