To ask do you spend what you afford on your kids? 💰

[Helenoftroy1]

I was visiting a friend earlier who is quite well off and as a result her teenagers have the most up to date mobile phones, designer clothes, have take out food whenever they want etc.

I asked her whether she felt she was spoiling her kids, she replied not at all, they are educated in the full value of money and these things can easily disappear if they forget their manners or step out of line.

Got me thinking that it was a pretty fair and sensible response, maybe I should spend a bit more on my children 🤔 I sometimes wonder whether I am a bit mean with things like insisting on getting second hand phones and only expensive clothes at Christmas or birthday- if I’m being honest I could afford to spend more but choose to save any money I may have left over.

Would you spend whatever you could afford on your children or cap it at what you felt was a sensible level?

My dd is very young still, but I imagine I'll continue as I've started, with a mixture of saving and splurging. Sometimes I'll say no to a £1 toy if it's junk I know she doesn't really want, she's just nagging. Other times we'll spend £100 on a lovely family day out and everything we want that day.
Coats and shoes I never scrimp on, the rest comes from supermarkets. So a mixed bag from me.

Yeah I think a mixed bag works well, I’m a bit like that

Cap it but occasional treats like you do

Mixed bag here too. The children have a lot of clothes from charity shops/ebay but I always get trainers/DD's school shoes/DS's kickers new and think its worth spending a bit more.

Mixed bag here too. I could afford to spend a lot more, except what isnt spent is saved and I think that's best for their future.

I sometimes wonder whether I am a bit mean with things like insisting on getting second hand phones and only expensive clothes at Christmas or birthday

I suppose it depends how old your children are. I can remember second hand stuff and it is a mark of poverty when you are so clearly wearing hand-me-downs. Of course now it's all passed off as up-cycling and recycling, but in truth it's second hand and it has a certain stigma.

Second hand phones, I suppose they are functional, but why would you buy something so obviously out of date?

We have mix of quality and quantity - some highly priced goods and some Sports Direct type stuff. But no second hand. Not for the children.

I wonder this a lot. I know I sound like a dick but pretty much anything my 4 year old takes a shine to I can afford to buy without any thought. I do limit stuff but it feels quite arbitrary.

We usually spend on 'experiences' rather than day to day stuff. So I won't buy designer clothes as they're a waste of money, but I will buy all the gear he needs for icehockey or a really good family day out.

Mixed bag here, I'm a single parent so can't always splurge out. But I do get a lot of nearly new clothes given to me that are top brands like gap and boden so it probably appears that I'm better off than I actually am.

She's only 3, so right now it's not a big worry.

We don't have much to spare. But I try not to let m children go without. They also know that sometimes we need to wait or save for more expensive/luxury items and that some are just entirely out of reach for us.

They are 8 and 4 though so it so expensive yet!

For example, my ds8 loves football, we can't afford the new strips but will get him last season kit on eBay. I know when he's a teenager this won't cut it and we will buy the new one. He does have a PS4 because all his friends do but he'll need to pay next year subscription (£50) out of pocket money.

He has a friend who desperately wants a PS4, his parents have enough money but won't get him one. I think that's really sad as it's all this boy wants. They spent £2k on a Xmas 'expierence' trip but didn't buy the console he asked for. He also asked for a Lego £80 and they bought the cheaper version at £30, money not at issue they are just tight!

my boys are 14 and 8 and we get as lot of money for them tbh as they get top rate dla and a big bonus on a normal tax credits award each

between dla,tax credits and child benefits they get roughly £280 each

technically thats their money off the government to look after them or according to dla rules its to spend on their extra needs (me and their dad get our own money as well to look after them)so i do get them what they need and want.

its not a yes to everything if its silly money but 99% of the time they get what they want/need as its their money

It depends on what it is and how much I can afford.

I got ds his first tablet for his birthday. It's not an I pad or the most expensive. But it wasnt the cheapest either. Buying an older second hand one, that will not be able to have software updates, quicker than a new one, means I will end up buying a new one sooner. So seems pointless.

If I see something second hand or charity shop, I know my kids would like, I would get it. But I wouldnt insist things come second hand, unless that's the only choice I had.

I dont give the kids everything they want, my budget wont allow it. However, I dont under spend on them just because either.

Second hand isn't always better in the long run.

Also I you do the for yourself?

I know a free parents that always have helastest gadget, but then don't ever get the kids what they ask for. Even when money isn't an issue

We buy good quality shoes, coats, football boots etc. We’ve got 3 children and the majority of the youngest’s things are hand me downs from his siblings and friends whose parents saw sense and stopped at 2

Our eldest is in his early teens and has a basic reconditioned phone - I don’t want it as a target for thieves, nor does he need an iPhone 64277 or whatever they are. He does have a decent laptop for school work.

It’s not just about affording, it’s about trying to live more sustainably both financially and for our planet. You might be able to afford to buy your children everything and anything they want, brand new and top of the range or just something cheap that they’ll play with for 5 minutes, but is that really a good thing? The memory of an experience lasts so much longer.

I do realise I sound sanctimonious- believe me I’m not, I’m just terrified at what we’re leaving behind for our children.

FWIW I was brought up in a very cash strapped house where second hand and hand me downs were the norm.

I think spoiling your kids is more down to attitude than the actually monetary value you spend on them.

My DD is still young but I buy the best I can afford for her, so I set a certain amount aside for savings first then she always has properly fitting shoes and quality toys and books, after that I’d much rather have 3 outfits from JoJo Maman Bebe than 10 outfits from Matalan.

I’ll get them what I can within my means, I’d never go into debt for them and I make sure they know the value of what they’re getting. My aunt is borrowing money off family as she bought her kids playstations, smart TVs and phones and got herself in debt, her kids aren’t even grateful for it

No! But we go on great holidays, they can do all the extracurricular clubs and school trips they want, they have phones we pay for. We are generous with things but also want them to know the value of money and appreciate that we have to work hard to buy things for them.

They are pretty good, though. Friends have £120 trainers. Dd likes them but thinks that’s too much to spend on trainers, so goes for £40 Nike ones instead.

When dc were younger I bought all their clothes and gifts from charity shops, eBay etc. Now they’re older, indon’t. But dd likes thrifting anyway, and is very aware of the benefits of recycling and reusing.

Tough one. I don’t think either approach is wrong to be honest. As long as children aren’t spoiled.
Me personally, it depends on what the item is. I don’t mind paying for quality but not for a name. I also tend to spend more on shoes and coats but far less on actual clothes but then I only have a toddler so he outgrows things quickly.

We could probably spend more on DC if we wanted to. They have good quality school shoes/trainers/coats as well as an iPad and an XBox but have had reconditioned iPhones and supermarket/hand-me-down clothes. We do spend on family holidays and eating out so DC are aware that we stay in some nice hotels but equally we have several camping weekends a year.

For me it's about not giving them everything when they are so young. We have friends where the 12/14 year olds have Apple watches, £1000 phones, designer clothes and are used to always travelling first class and staying in luxury 5* hotels. Nothing wrong with that if you can afford it but I do wonder what's left for them and where the incentive is to work hard and be proud that you have worked/saved for something.

(I don't have kids but this is my view anyway)

I would rather spend money on days out, holidays or experiences (zoo/farm/castle/theme park) and would probably not buy random stuff when asked for it.

My parents always said if we wanted something (toy) then we could put it on our Christmas list and see if we got it then. It's a good way actually as a day or so later we wouldn't want it anymore so it never went on the list!

They did however always buy us books when we asked (I was a huge bookworm as a child!) and if we went on days out we were allowed to choose a souvenir (toy/game etc).

We were also allowed an amount of spending money on holiday (usually 100 of whatever the currency was each) but as we got older we had less money so holidays stopped anyway.

Clothes were brought as and when needed, and if we wanted something new to wear for an event (eg mufti day at school/family party) we were always allowed something.

That's probably how I'd bring my children up as it taught me well and I wasn't ever spoiled/entitled. I also enjoyed presents/treats a lot more as they weren't as often!

I also don't buy myself top things either (my iPhone is quite a few generations old) & I got a new laptop recently but it wasn't a MacBook like i originally wanted. I reasoned with myself and went for a £300 one I could actually afford without paying finance.

My kids are pretty spoiled to be honest. I fall into the trap of giving them "everything I never had"
They're 6 and 3 so this means:
constant days out,
food treats when we're out like cakes and icecream,
pound coins for the stupid surprise egg vending machines
Kind of excessive quantities of Christmas presents
Extravagant birthdays. "DSfest" ran to 3 days and included a day out to brick live, a day shopping with his birthday money and a large party.
I will happily admit this isn't good for them. Occasionally I'll have a moment of clarity when I see how they take stuff for granted and don't appreciate it.

It’s an interesting one. I think saving money is also good for your children/family as it gives you a cushion for possible tougher times. If you lose your job and your kids have top range phones but parents who are freaking out about paying the bills then life is difficult. You might not need the cushion but when it builds up you can have a holiday or whatever. Having been very poor I get jittery if there isn’t a buffer.

We tend to spend on doing things rather than having lots of new things. They have loads of books, I don’t scrimp on those, we have nights away as we all love that, but we don’t eat out very often and I buy a lot of clothes on eBay.

I’m pregnant and apart from the car seat and mattress most of the stuff we’ve bought has been second hand. The baby won’t care it has a second hand pram. I don’t care, so it was £60 off eBay instead of £600 new.

No. I have a tiny house full of stuff already so I'm actively trying to get rid of things rather than add more toys. DS is at nursery full-time, so the toys he already has are plenty.

That said, if there's something I want him to have that we can afford, I'll buy it. He's at quite an expensive nursery, because I really liked it. And we spent £300 on his first bike because we wanted him to have one that was decent quality and easy to learn to ride on. But they go secondhand for £250, so it didn't feel like a huge expense as long as he's careful with it.

I don't want him to equate treats with objects. I don't want to spend my life being badgered for crap. And I hate waste and am terrified of climate change. So if I want to tell him I love him, I try and do it by spending time with him, not giving him something.

It is quite hard sometimes though! I love buying him things. Kids are the best to buy for.