To ask do you spend what you afford on your kids? 💰

[Helenoftroy1]

I was visiting a friend earlier who is quite well off and as a result her teenagers have the most up to date mobile phones, designer clothes, have take out food whenever they want etc.

I asked her whether she felt she was spoiling her kids, she replied not at all, they are educated in the full value of money and these things can easily disappear if they forget their manners or step out of line.

Got me thinking that it was a pretty fair and sensible response, maybe I should spend a bit more on my children 🤔 I sometimes wonder whether I am a bit mean with things like insisting on getting second hand phones and only expensive clothes at Christmas or birthday- if I’m being honest I could afford to spend more but choose to save any money I may have left over.

Would you spend whatever you could afford on your children or cap it at what you felt was a sensible level?

We're financially comfortable but my kids absolutely do not get everything they want. We are very thrifty, which is one reason why we are in the financial position we are in.
They love expensive Nike trainers, but there's no way I'm spending £80-100 on a pair. So, they have a combination of second hand ones, and ones they have bought themselves with birthday / Xmas money. Their console and games are second hand. Clothes are a combination of supermarket, Sports Direct and charity shop - the charity shop clothes are the named brands like Nike, Adidas. I do not understand the attitude of "no second hand for the children". There is so much barely worn great stuff out there, why add to that pile?
I do spend money when it's needed. Dd got a new bike last week as she's grown out of her old one, and DS has recently got new and fairly pricey football boots. I buy new books for them if I happen to see ones I think they'll like in the book shop (though we have loads of second hand books too).
They're primary age so too young for phones, but when they get to secondary they will get a big standard basic smart phone. No way are they getting flash ones that will inevitably get lost or broken.
They are lucky enough to have at least a couple of brilliant holidays a year, money thoroughly well spent.
I recognise that as a family we are in a really lucky place, but anything could happen, particularly with Brexit just around the corner, so we need to make sure we are as safe as we can be (DH works in an industry that could well come in for a battering). So my kids absolutely need to understand you can have everything you want, sand that reusing is vital.

Interesting thread.

I spend what I can afford but I think I also prioritise - iyswim?

So we don't spend on takeouts etc (even if money is there) because I don't see them as value or things I want to spend money on.

I wouldn't deny him odd mc Donald's or subway though if we are out and about.

Clothes are generally next or supermarket.
But he also has plenty of expensive items (£30 counties hoodie for swimming because he competed 🙄). Full club kit (but could manage with just poolside t shirt). That sort of thing.

We get phones upgraded for free and I'm happy for him to have a better one as can afford a higher contract than basic.

But he doesn't get some things like new laptops and games consoles despite my ability to save and pay for them as I don't feel he needs new stuff - just because.

I also allow him to compete in any swim comps he wants and pay extras (night in hotel) as required.

I think seeing benefits of having money can encourage children to work hard and aim for good employment - but knowing the value of money is an equally important life skill.

It's a fucked up world where she indicated hand has more of a stigma than "sports direct type stuff". I am with you op, I think there's value in teaching children to be happy with less, and to watch you weighing up whether something is good value for money.

Second hand

I also hate the sneering "adults who have all the latest gadgets but don't spend on their kids". Fwiw I am not extravagant for myself either but there's s bit of s difference between buying a coat for a grown up that will last a decade, or a laptop they need for work, or whatever, and showering DC with luxury items.

Our kids are only little (2 under 5) so they don’t notice that they are in hand me down clothes/don’t need phones etc. We don’t spend what we don’t have so we can’t afford so if that means we cannot buy new phones and so on when they’re older, then it’s tough. We simply can’t do it.
I try and save any money we might end up with so we can have a family holiday that year (last Christmas we got a lot of money from family so booked 2 weeks away, rather than just one, which is huge for our family) and that’s where our money is better spent imo.

Now and again I feel a little mean that our first child got lots of things new and his little brother has mostly hand-me-downs (clothes, toys, books, etc). But the youngest is a destroyer and has ripped apart books and broken toys that his big brother had been very careful with, so that takes away a lot of the guilt!

They are too young for phones, etc, so not sure how we’ll approach that, but suspect I won’t be shelling out loads of cash on anything they are likely to lose or break - it’ll depend how responsible they prove to be. My husband and I don’t have top of the range tech and we cope ok.

You really asked her if she felt she was spoiling her kids op? That was very rude of you

I can see how that conversation could have arisen without given offence. Perhaps it was the op's friend who asked why she was saying no to something.

I think the fact parents feel guilty about not buying things their children don't need tells us a lot about our society really.

My ex was a very wealthy man. But I shopped at charity shops when dcs were little for toys. I never spent much on them at Xmas ...increased as they got to be teens though.They were expected to get a part time job at 16 and through university to support themselves.

It's changed as my kids have got older. When young they grew so fast that we would primarily have cheap and cheerful but poorer quality, second hand etc but could have afforded newer/better. As they are older I buy the better quality (and usually more expensive) because they've learnt to look after it, has resale value and because they use it in a more appropriate way.

If we deem there is a need for something then we will get the most appropriate and within reason ignore the price, if there is a want but not a need for something then we look at the bigger picture of whether it is a suitable purchase and an appropriate price. I don't really look at it as am I spoiling them or am I spending all of our money.

It depends on what I'm buying.
My DS is a rambunctious 4 year old so his clothes are mostly mid range from high street shops and his tablet is second hand as he is too heavy handed for an expensive ones. I do spend a fair amount on weekly activities and taking him on fun day trips or holidays during the holidays but he only really gets toys bought for birthdays and Christmas. I've worked with to many spoilt children so my DS shall be kept grounded. He is only 4 but already has small chores (putting away toys and filling up the cats water bowl)

Are your kids teens as well?

In primary my kids happily wore purely high street clothing like H&M and second hand off eBay. They are teens now and get new iPhones every 2 years and I've paid as much as £100 for trainers which they definitely appreciate. These luxuries would have been lost on them when they were little and they take good care of their stuff. If not, I'd reevaluate for sure.

My 17 year old has a job and my 15 year old plans to get one after GCSEs so they can pay for luxuries that they may want.

My children have everything they need and some of the things they want. What I don't do is spend a fortune on a mountain of presents for Christmas or birthdays.

I spend more than I can afford (everything) and still sometimes fall short
But I hope by the time they are tweens/teens I will be earning better money and be able to provide them with things like phones and laptops (first or second hand), holidays abroad etc. The things that would be a struggle now.
I wouldn't want to buy very expensive things for them though, not until they have learned how to look after them and know how to reduce the risks of getting robbed. I think it's especially hard for teenagers, but it's a fine line between making them a target because they don't fit in (no expensive items at all) and making them a target (very expensive items others can't afford).

Peoples attitudes to money constantly baffle me.

I’m careful and I love a bargain. I’m no snob and I’m not adverse to buying second hand when second hand is just as good as new and the price difference is significant enough to matter - why wouldn’t you?

BUT I don’t scrimp for the sake of it if I can afford not to with something because it’s a miserable way to live.

Buying second hand trainers for your primary age kids when you’re financially comfortable, like a poster below - completely unnecessary and miserly imo.

I think it is a mixed bag for us too. My kids loves magazines purely for the crap toys and as we have 5 children I won’t pay £25 for 5 crappy £1 shop toys so often say no. They do however wear very expensive clothes which the older children appriciate. When we go to the ice cream shop or out of lunch they order whatever they want, whereas other people I know will limit there child to a Happy Meal or whatever.
Birthdays and Christmas we buy whatever they want. Usually toys for little 3 and Xbox/laptops/iPhones for older 2 x

It’s less about what we can afford, more about what we prioritise.

We have plenty of disposable income and spend a good deal on holidays, days out, etc.

I enjoy spending money on good quality toys that they’ll get a lot out of. I spend fuck tonnes on books.

But, DS1 has no techy toys yet as I don’t think he needs them (he’s almost 5). He hasn’t started asking yet, but I’ll be very loath to get him a games console/tablet when the time comes.

I buy a few nice bits for them clothes wise, but most of their clothes are supermarket as they grow out of them quickly/get covered in mud in nursery/they couldn’t care less. DS2 is absolutely going through DS1s hand me downs.

But I’m also a bit at the second hand trainer point. It’s definitely worth it to buy quality, new, well fitting shoes. Not something I’d scrimp on.

Fair point on shoes bit it's not necessarily miserly to prioritise second hand though. I prefer to give things a second lease of life if I can. Wellies, snow boots, anything like that I would definitely look for second hand. I am not rolling in it, I am comfortably off, but I like a bargain and I like reducing my consumer footprint. My kids want for nothing that's an actual need, and they get plenty of things they want- I just put a bit of a filter on it.

Always buy the best I can afford for the children. Same for myself generally although I’ll get by with supermarket tights and work shoes for example but wouldn’t expect them to. Probably goes back to having a childhood where my parents didn’t really notice or pay attention to things like that but as a previous poster said, it’s very obvious to other children.

Gosh that sounds just as horrendous a way to live to me as my way does to you. I cannot imagine worrying about what a child might think about supermarket tights.

I find it hilarious that ‘second hand’ is so fashionable these days. I used to be so embarrassed that all my clothes were from car boot sales or charity shops when I was little. Now you walk into urban outfitters and see the same clothing my father in law has at the back of his wardrobe from the 90’s with ridiculous price labels but because it’s ‘vintage’ it’s cool. Same as DePop. If I bought home the same items from a charity shop my kids wouldn’t wear them but give them £200 and a trip to UO and they are decked out in charity shop style clothing which are cool because of a high price tag. I know this is almost completely off topic but it’s so reflective of today and what things cost.

I don't buy vintage wellies. I am talking car boot jobs. I think it's good that trying to be ethical is fashionable, if that's what it is.

Yes when I can, I buy myself very little.
Before DC I had a wardrobe full of fancy clothes, makeup nails etc now I have a few items, it is important to me they feel they are worth it, I also make them aware we work hard for what they have, they must appreciate it.
We had very little or hand my downs, we rarely got a chance to look and feel special.