To ask do you spend what you afford on your kids? 💰

[Helenoftroy1]

I was visiting a friend earlier who is quite well off and as a result her teenagers have the most up to date mobile phones, designer clothes, have take out food whenever they want etc.

I asked her whether she felt she was spoiling her kids, she replied not at all, they are educated in the full value of money and these things can easily disappear if they forget their manners or step out of line.

Got me thinking that it was a pretty fair and sensible response, maybe I should spend a bit more on my children 🤔 I sometimes wonder whether I am a bit mean with things like insisting on getting second hand phones and only expensive clothes at Christmas or birthday- if I’m being honest I could afford to spend more but choose to save any money I may have left over.

Would you spend whatever you could afford on your children or cap it at what you felt was a sensible level?

Interesting question. DH and I talk about this often.
We are in the fortunate position that we could pretty much buy the kids anything they wanted.
We never have. We do have a rewards system in place they get £2.50 each half term for each top effort grade at school.
They don’t get anything for their achievement grades.
With this they save up for the materialistic things dh and I aren’t prepared to buy.
Ds2 has just bought himself an iPhone having saved birthday and Christmas money for the last 3 years.
My sister offered to buy one for him outright. We declined. We think it is important for the boys to know that for most people don’t have the cash to do that.

Have we got it right? Who knows but as with all parenting things we are just following our noses hoping for the best.

We definitely spend much much less than we can afford on our dcs. I have no idea how some of their friends' parents afford what they get and it can be hard when I see the shoes or clothes their friends turn up in knowing we could easily afford them but don't want to buy stuff for the sake of it. We just think children don't need all that 'stuff' whether we can afford it or not. I'm not sure the dcs are too thrilled with our way of thinking!

I never pay full price on anything but all of the stuff I buy is new, I literally just buy stuff on sales. I spend more on my kids than I do myself, I usually only buy myself stuff at Christmas or birthday with the money I receive as presents. Dd is only 6 so only has my old old iPad and an old phone with no SIM card, purely so she can play games. DS is 11, he has an iPad, iPhone, PlayStation and a Nintendo switch. He is autistic so his comfort is with his iPad. He doesn’t have super expensive clothes whatever I like the look of because he literally doesn’t care what he wears, he spends a majority of time in either pjs or boxers in the summer.

Strumpers we share your philosophy about spending on our DS, we could afford to spend a lot more more but he has grown up understanding that he has to save up for items, not in a million years would I just buy an iPhone or an iPad (unless needed for a child with SN). My DS has saved up for expensive gadgets, using Christmas/birthday money and maybe we have put something towards it as a birthday present.

The threads where parents say ‘my D.C. ‘only’ has my old iPhone’ always amuse me, I’ve never had an iPhone myself so unlikely to just pass one one to my DS .

Equally the point about wanting your teenager to ‘fit in’ so must have the latest fashion etc, a much more important life lesson in my opinion is to have confidence and not feel you have to be sheep like and follow everyone else. I don’t mean having to wear old rags but understanding that if you want fashion stuff you save up for it rather than expecting mum and dad to fork out all the time. My DS is 18 now, has had part time jobs since 13 (starting with a paper round) and is very financially aware with a good chunk of savings in his bank account(s) and manages to buy nice, but not overly expensive, trainers and clothes himself and has learned how to sell his unwanted clothes on DePop etc.

Mumsnet is full of "polite, well behaved, well adjusted kids who know the value of money". Aren't most kids a work in progress? Whenever I am tearing my hair out over ungrateful, grabby behaviour from my own DC everyone assures me it's totally normal!

Sorry ragwort that wasn't aimed at you in particular, your kids are older.

No offence Long , and whilst I am pleased that my DS is financially aware and knows the value of money he is still a rude, surly, untidy & lazy teenager most of the time at home .

It also comes down to what you personally prioritise though as well. So I love fashion & spend quite a bit on it but have no interest in tech. I have an iphone but its old (don’t even know what the latest model is) & my ipad is about 5 yrs old gathering dust on a shelf.

I do buy DS clothes from Scandi brands as I don’t shop in Next, Boden, Fat Face etc but normally during the sales.

I don’t get the hate for second hand, I sell lots of my old clothes & bags many not even worn, it’s a big industry!