To ask do you spend what you afford on your kids? 💰

[Helenoftroy1]

I was visiting a friend earlier who is quite well off and as a result her teenagers have the most up to date mobile phones, designer clothes, have take out food whenever they want etc.

I asked her whether she felt she was spoiling her kids, she replied not at all, they are educated in the full value of money and these things can easily disappear if they forget their manners or step out of line.

Got me thinking that it was a pretty fair and sensible response, maybe I should spend a bit more on my children 🤔 I sometimes wonder whether I am a bit mean with things like insisting on getting second hand phones and only expensive clothes at Christmas or birthday- if I’m being honest I could afford to spend more but choose to save any money I may have left over.

Would you spend whatever you could afford on your children or cap it at what you felt was a sensible level?

I think spoiling your kids is more down to attitude than the actually monetary value you spend on them

Yes, to this, definitely.

I know kids who have what I'd call an average amount of stuff, or even less than average, but behaviour wise they are allowed to get away with murder and not surprisingly, are awful, ghastly, utter brats that no one likes.

OTOH, I know kids who've had almost everything they wanted materially, or have been given it without asking, but have also been brought up with boundaries, been taught manners, appreciate what they have, and are overall generally lovely people that people like to be around.

I asked her whether she felt she was spoiling her kids, she replied not at all, they are educated in the full value of money and these things can easily disappear if they forget their manners or step out of line.

Got me thinking that it was a pretty fair and sensible response,

It's superficially 'fair and sensible' but to what extent can children really understand the value of money if they're continuously lavished with material goods?

The "takeaway whenever they want it" thing sounds especially batshit. Can nobody be bothered to cook?

Learning cooking skills, budgeting skills and generally a bit of thrift, those things are life skills. What preparation is it for later life if they have an unlimited takeaway supply?

But then I also think university students should be a bit skint, so maybe mine isn't the majority view around here.

Mixed here. I will buy good quality sports equipment and kit but day to day clothes are cheap, non-designer clothes. If they need anything to support their school work they always get it, other things not always.

My dc are 16 and 8 and have pretty much everything they want.
Ds was 16 last week and there was literally nothing to get him. Me and his dad split up when he was 2 and his dad is very well off and spoils him rotten.
Ds and his dad have season tickets to a PL football team but his dad works all weekends so can't go to away games.
I pay for all of ds's away tickets and travel but that's all he ever asks for.

Dd, 8, is terribly spoilt and we've recently given 3 bin bags of toys to charity as she had so much that she doesn't play with. Her dad is bloody soft with her and buys her anything she wants.
She has 2 friends who get nothing and are always grateful for the smallest thing and I've spoken to dp about how we both need to stop spoiling her.

They both have expensive clothes and shoes but also cheaper stuff. Best stuff is for occasions.
I was also spoilt as a child and thankfully don't have expensive taste, I'm happy with what I have as it's more than many people I know. With dd though it's the expectation that bothers me.

It's mixed for us. 5yo DS has a Frog bike as we cycle lots. Most of his toys from us are second hand. He knows I will get him any book he asks for but they are almost always second hand.

Clothes are second hand if we can too.

I'm not sure it's spoiling if they have decent quality clothes but think it is if they only want 'x' and you buy it for them each time without teaching them the value of money. We only buy clothes when really needed because of money, I hate it because I have friends whose kids are very fashion conscious and my kids can only wear what comes to hand ( they don't dress too badly though, but it is all Penny's or Dunnes) but it means when they get a present of eg branded clothes they do get excited ( which is nice but makes me want to cry, I got way too many thanks for surprising the eldest with a Star Wars hoodie)

Second hand phones for dd ...no way am i spending ££££££ on an expensive contract/ phone. She has already broken the xamera on hers by being careless.
I buy her new clothes as she is image concious.
She goes on about Gucci sometomes but hell would freeze over before i buy designer labels. She gets hers from River Island and New Look.
I dont buy her everything she wants..im not a martyr.

And this is why there is so much waste in the world

I don't spend every last penny on my dc and like to have some to save away, but I can't imagine buying him really cheap second hand clothes from charity shops and things like that when I can fully afford to buy new. Just a personal thing.

I'll happily buy second hand for myself though, and have brought him toys that are used. Just not clothes.

My husband and I were just talking about this yesterday. Since going PT after having our second child, my wages have decreased significantly and so has our disposable income. The spend on our eldest child however, is still the same. Just this month her in-school violin lessons have needed to be paid, as has her stageschool fees. Then there are weekly pay-as-you-go lessons for gymnastics too. It all adds up. I try to buy the children's clothes in bulk when Sainsbury's have a 25% off sale, but shoes tend to be Dr Martins or Clarkes. For Christmas or special occasions, I'll buy from Monsoon, Boden, John Lewis etc. I DREAD the cost of teenagers, but hopefully we'll be much better off and won't have childcare etc to pay. All of our spare cash actually goes ln the kids, and we go without. We don't save either!

I spend what I can afford but I don't buy him whatever he wants. I'm not particularly well off but I do have a fair amount of disposable income and I'm split from DS's dad who earns well so DS always gets 2 lots of presents etc at Christmas.

My DS is 5 so he's not really into material things. I buy his clothes from places like Asda and Tesco as he doesn't care what he wears and they're good value. He always has Clarks shoes though as I don't like cheap shoes.

He gets new toys for birthdays, Christmas and sometimes if he does well at school. He's got a tablet but he doesn't actually use it that often.

We go out to a restaurant for lunch once a month and have a takeaway once a month, I wouldn't buy takeaway whenever he wanted because it's not healthy.

Mostly I splash out on experiences rather than material things. Days out and holidays. DS has been abroad 5 times including to Lapland last year and we're going abroad twice this year and two UK holidays. He loves holidays and so do I, so we'd rather spend money on that than anything else.

We could spend a lot more on our DC if we chose to, but DH and I are both naturally careful with money and good at saving so it would seem weird to us to spend lots of money on them when we don't on ourselves.

They certainly don't have the latest tech or designer clothes - but then neither do I!

We definitely prioritise experiences over material possessions. They all do a lot of after school activities, which can get quite expensive, and we go on nice holidays (eg skiing).

With shoes it is good to have quality but no point spending loads on trainers they will grow out of soon...
It is worth spending on family holidays and days out.

YANBU. You are teaching your kids the value of money. A child doesn't need the latest gadget. Having 'special' things at birthday and Christmas makes it a nice treat. When they are older they can get a job to find treats.

Depends what your definition of spoilt is too i guess.
DD is 14 months old and I spend a lot on her. £80 for a winter coat, £110 for a dress from Tartine et Chocolat etc. but that's because I want to, not because I feel pressured to. I do appreciate though it gets harder as they get older as they'll be on the receiving end of peer and societal pressure to have whatever is on trend.

I can remember second hand stuff and it is a mark of poverty when you are so clearly wearing hand-me-downs.

What utter nonsense. Between DH and I we are on 130k and yet loads of my clothes and loads of DS's clothes are second hand. You get brilliant stuff in great condition off ebay, why buy new? It's so much better for the environment.

Lots of DS's baby stuff was second hand too. All great quality, in great condition. Why wouldn't you?!

I grew up poor as fuck BTW, absolutely hand to mouth.

Mixed bag here. Generally second hand clothes and charity shops, but when we have the rare holiday or a more regular day out I splurge on experiences, meals accommodation etc.

No ... we give dd an allowance so she can buy stuff she wants but can budget to her wishes .. if we gave her everything we could afford to she wouldn't understand the value of money.
I was brought up with money thrown at me whenever I wanted something and I didn't want to bring up my daughter the same way . It's fine if you get a great job and can continue that way of living but comes hard when you have to get a mortgage and work your way up to that ..
I think if you do that you need to make sure they realise they will need to get great jobs etc to be able to continue that lifestyle.

No we absolutely don’t and never had. We were fortunate in that we had DS late in life, we are financially comfortable (mortgage paid off) & I could afford to be a SAHM for many years (by choice). But we have always been very frugal and prefer to save & invest ‘spare’ money.

Because DS was born later than most of our friends D.C. we were given everything we needed second hand, very nice stuff. I don’t think I ever needed to buy DS clothes until he got to secondary school .

He’s always understood that he needed to save birthday and Christmas money for expensive gadget type gifts ie; he saved half for a second hand PlayStation & we gave him the other half as his Christmas present that year. He’s now 18 & has always had part time jobs around school work, have saved substantial amounts (3 separate bank accounts) & seems very sensible with money but still buys himself nice clothes, uses various vintage websites etc & sells his clothes to fund more.

We’ve always been able to pay for him to go on decent school trips & cover his sports expenses & will be able to ‘top up’ his student maintenance loan but he understands that he will still need to find p/t work at uni.

Of course the bonus for him is that he will be getting a decent deposit for his own house when the time comes, which he doesn’t know about it.

I’m always wierdly interested in people’s spending habits, it’s a fascinating subject & we all tend to think that ‘our own way’ is the best .

And it is the most massive extravagance and waste of money buying designer clothes for a baby or toddler. Utterly absurd.

I do a
Mixture of both but I think when they are teenagers I’ll spend more on the clothes and gadgets they want. Fitting in at those ages are important to kids.. I wouldn’t for example dress them
Second hand at that age

I used to buy my eldest all the up to date stuff but he keeps breaking them (he’s 12, so knows better) I haven’t replaced the smashed tablet, the old model phone that the screen is hanging off of, or his bike with the broken chain guard and he has survived.

If you can buy all those things but are saving for a rainy day, their uni, driving lessons also, fair enough. I'd think it a bit irresponsible to spoil children materially whilst not thinking about the future. I don't see why people are a slave to their children when they're happy to go without themselves or have second hand. What sort of messed up family dynamics is that? No wonder we have a generation of little lords and ladies that feel entitled to the best of everything. There's no way I'd buy takeaway every time my DC demanded it, they should learn to prefer the taste of healthy home cooked food.

I wouldn’t for example dress them
Second hand at that age

The thing is that literally no one will know. My clothes are second hand off ebay and they are all this season's Zara or Topshop or whatever. It's not like I'm wearing market stall cast offs from 1985

DS is only 2 so he doesn't know much. I don't really think twice about spending money on clothes for him but it all comes from Next or Mothercare. I rarely buy things for myself now! He had plenty toys but I don't buy him just anything he points to in a shop. I'm sure it'll get harder as he gets older and starts having friends to be compared to.