To ask do you spend what you afford on your kids? 💰

[Helenoftroy1]

I was visiting a friend earlier who is quite well off and as a result her teenagers have the most up to date mobile phones, designer clothes, have take out food whenever they want etc.

I asked her whether she felt she was spoiling her kids, she replied not at all, they are educated in the full value of money and these things can easily disappear if they forget their manners or step out of line.

Got me thinking that it was a pretty fair and sensible response, maybe I should spend a bit more on my children 🤔 I sometimes wonder whether I am a bit mean with things like insisting on getting second hand phones and only expensive clothes at Christmas or birthday- if I’m being honest I could afford to spend more but choose to save any money I may have left over.

Would you spend whatever you could afford on your children or cap it at what you felt was a sensible level?

We have 4 DC aged between 22 and 8 and am delighted that none of them are are materialistic. When they have their own money they generally spend it on doing things such as concert tickets, cinema or going on trips with their mates. They have smart phones and gadgets but not the very latest, they are happy with 2nd hand clothes and shoes in the sales as they know then that we get to do more fun things like holidays, festivals and experiences. If we were really loaded I would still encourage them not to have the latest stuff from an environmental perspective.

I would spend £80 on a winter coat for a teen who could use it for more than a single season (I stopped growing at 12), but not a toddler. But that's because I can't easily find £80 to spend! Younger children don't know the difference (or care) between higher end brands and George at Asda, but if parents have the means and want to spend then that's their business and I don't see it as spoiling.

It's the "I want" attitude I wouldn't want to encourage- totally agree with a pp about things going on birthday/Christmas lists, or being saved for with pocket money. I can remember myself things seeming less like I had to have them if they were to come from my own budget!

What are you saving the money for? If it is saving for savings sake then maybe you could dip into that sometimes?

Dh and I don’t exactly spend what we can afford on dd as we have a lot of inherited cash. We do spend up to our limit on earnings though. Dd got a new iPhone a couple of months before Christmas and an iPad for Christmas. This is very unusual for us actually. But she’s getting older. So I suppose we are behaving similarly to your friend and dd also knows things can also be confiscated. We don’t say yes to everything by a long stretch either and prioritise money on experiences rather than stuff for dd.

We are comfortable and live in an affluent area and I'm very mindful to not spoil the DC.

DS1 is now 9 and into sports brands so we get a few bits for him in TK Maxx or the sales. The latest football kits are birthday/Christmas presents. When he needs new football boots we look in the boot swap box at the football club but if there aren't any we buy the cheapest Adidas/Nike (they fit his feet best) and make it clear he'd need to top up from his money if he wanted more.

We do have nice holidays and some nice days out but we also try to do free things. If I offer a treat like an ice cream/chocolate bar when out I make it clear in advance what they can have and what their budget is. When they wanted to do an expensive treat in the holidays they sold some old toys and did some work for me to pay for most of it.

I think kids get used to what they have so if they always get the very best phone, the second best phone seems like a massive step down. Much better that they're used to a bit less and usually stay happy that way. It also prepares them for the future where they may not be able to afford so much.

We don't have much spare cash but what we have gets lavished on our kids. I grew up poor and although I had a great childhood i didn't have nice trainers, latest gadgets and designer things and I remember I would secretly dream of owning them therefore if I'm honest I totally make sure my kids get these things.
We spend a lot more than we can afford on our two dc and if we had more money I think I'd spend more.

I wouldn't say mine are spoilt but I do spend a lot on them,its really what I work for.I had a fairly hard upbringing financially,although a very happy family life.I want mine to have nice things,and I can easily afford them
I don't really get all that making them have second hand phones ,clothes etc,sort of lesson in life stuff,IME it doesn't make much difference to the way people are with money in adulthood
However I do expect good manners etc

DS5 is 5 and we don’t really buy toys other than at Christmas and birthdays. He says he wants things when we’re in the supermarket but it’s just at that moment and then forgotten. If he kept talking about something then we might do. We do buy books when he asks though.

He’s had very good bikes and scooters for his birthday/Christmas as we can afford to buy these. We don’t go mad with quantity though.

We are happy to go for more expensive days out without these being for a special occasion but also do days when we don’t spend anything really, such as a country park walk

Clothes wise is generally just supermarket with the occasional more expensive item. Shoes are always good quality

As he gets older and wants more expensive clothes and gadgets etc, we will give him some of these but balanced with cheaper items and him having to save for things

My kids are young (4 and 6) and day to day I don't think I spoil them. They have clothes from the usual places (supermarkets, M&S) and I buy them toys usually just on their birthdays and Xmas. I do not spend what some others seem too on Xmas - one biggish pressie and a few small bits. If they randomly ask for stuff in a shop I will say no most of the time.

But, what I do spend money on is holidays and eating out. We really enjoy it; we eat out together at least once each weekend. We also go away every school holiday; sometimes a camp site in the UK but often abroad. I can afford it so I do it and I think they are a bit spoilt in this respect but I do it anyway

Like most people, a mixture. We don't buy toys etc apart from for Christmas or birthday and even then we tend to get them days out, sports gear etc. There's no need tbh.

Clothes etc are a mixture. I refuse to buy cheap, disposable fashion and would rather buy second hand where possible...so tend to stick to a few brands from eBay with gaps filled by buying new, again from brands that will last.

They know this, and think it is sensible. They understand our concerns re waste, environmental issues etc and agree. Takeaways etc tend to be driven by us, but every now and then if one of them says they really fancy a chinese and we haven't had one in ages, we can afford it etc we say why not.

We don't tend to say no to extra curricular activities, they both do a couple of sports on a regular basis including one quite expensive one, and they have the right kit for each. I think that having the discipline to go regularly, practice etc and to appreciate their bodies for what they can do will stand them in good stead in the long term. This is in part a throw back from when they were home educated, we never wanted to say no to opportunities then.

They're 8, nearly 7 and 1...I'm talking mainly about the older two obviously.

I tend to spend whatever I can afford on experiences for dd - optional school trips, extra-curricular activities, holidays, days out, parties etc. However, I tend to hold back a little more on "stuff", so she has a (perfectly good!) second hand phone and sensibly priced clothes etc (i.e. not charity shop/primark but not loads of expensive branded stuff either).

I want her to understand the value of money and not take stuff for granted, so she can save up her own money for more expensive stuff if she wants it. However, I don't want her to miss out on amazing experiences growing up, and so I will stretch as far as I can to afford those things because I think they're important.

No, we very consciously don't spend what we can afford. We are pretty well off but would never buy designer clothes (for us or them) because it's just not who we are. We are both cautious and frugal by nature. I don't think we have the balance quite right yet though, we err on the side of not buying stuff when we could be a little more profligate.

Mine are spoilt in some ways - naice holidays, restaurants, concerts etc as we like them and it’s our family time. We buy them books etc they need for school. And things they need for sport hobbies

They get new phones for Christmas when they need them - laptop for high school - all apple because my DH likes this as they all sync 😬

Clothes they are not bothered with so happy with Next, H&M, Primark and all the teen shops. They have pocket money if they want anything better - obviously as they have to spend their own money they have no labels whatsoever.

We save money each month for when they go to uni - they know if they do well in exams / report cards we put some extra in and they are currently happy doing that rather than buying something...

@AllTheUserNamesAreTaken I could have written your post myself as that is exactly how we spend our money on our Ds5!

At 13 and 8 they're still growing, so clothes tend to be quality but not ridiculously expensive. DS13 cares a little more what he wears, and so long as he takes care of clothes I'm ok with spending a little more. I tend to pass the nicer stuff onto friends with younger DC so it's very little waste.

We can afford more than they need, but buying them more simply because we have the money doesn't make much sense. They're very fortunate and travel often and have some wonderful adventures, but I'm mindful with "stuff" that getting a £1200 MacBook just because they need a laptop from school sets a certain level of expectation and as young adults how are they going to continue to fund that costly lifestyle themselves once they're independent of us?

DS has never had to go without but has been taught the value of money and is reminded he is extremely lucky. He got a paper round at 13 and did that for three years then the paper closed. He worked as a kitchen porter for six months but it was interfering with his studies in sixth form. So he is currently not working but does do voluntary stuff for his Duke of Edinburgh. He broke his phone due to being stupid and I did make him buy his own out of his wages.

He passed his driving test recently and we could have easily bought him his own car. Instead I’m buying a car today that we are going to share but he has had some input in to what he likes.

Mixed bag here. We spend a lot on the children’s activities (football, hockey, gymnastics, judo, athletics, violin, keep fit, season passes to the lido - there are three of them, that’s not for one child ) and equipment for those activities, and never say no to them doing something they want to do, but they know that that has financial and time implications for the family.

As for material things and clothes etc, we tend to buy what they ask for, but occasionally won’t if it’s just a ridiculous request (ultra expensive trainers, or an item of clothing that’s really expensive - they can ask for those for birthdays or Christmas) If they ask for a take away, or yesterday it was milkshakes from their favourite milkshake place, then they know they can usually have it.

They know they’re lucky, they have very generous grandparents too, who help out with both time (lifts to activities and coming to cheer them on in matches/shows etc) and buying them things.

I don’t think they’re spoilt, they’re very busy kids who don’t often ask for things, but we provide a lot of things that they need/would like, so they don’t really need to ask. The older two are getting to a point where brand names and logos are king, but they seem to understand that they won’t get everything they ask for, but if we can, and they’ve been well behaved then they generally will.

Nothing wrong with second hand clothing, the uniform sales at our local schools are mental!

I can afford it so I do but they don't have anything most of their friends (aged 12 and 14) don't have. Their friends that have £800 school coats are more of the exception though.

I often say no for the sake of saying no. Perhaps it’s mean but I don’t want my children to get used to getting everything they ask for, the eldest is only 5 though so it’s not that hard yet.

It's mixed here with my ds, he's ASD and that has a bearing on spending.
He gets dla and yes that gets spent on him, he has very narrow limited interests and hobbies but the one he's currently obsessed with is pricey but it makes him happy.
We also spend a lot on decent trainers for him and brands of clothing associated with his current hobby but they are worn until they fall apart. He doesn't really have or ever will have a good understanding of money.

Things like phones, no he doesn't have brand new, he gets my cast offs. I imagine to his friends he looks spoilt but his dla money is there to help him cope in life so we spend it doing just that.

I’ve never scrimped on hobby costs (eg riding lessons, good equipment) but always buy second-hand where possible and look for bargains...I want the children to learn about value. My DSis is not much wealthier than me and scrimps a lot but will buy £200 designer sunglasses as presents for teens etc - I’d never spend that on myself or kids for that item, end of. We all have different approaches, if you are most comfortable with how you do it, don’t change.
NB I am somewhat dubious if wealthy parents insist their children have a full appreciation of everything material they get, how can they? But having plenty of money can often result in a naivety so hey ho.

It depends on how you define spoiling, as pps have said.

I've got 3DC. We go on 2-3 nice holidays a year, we have a big house and they all have decent shoes, coats, nice food etc. The older 2 do 3 sports/hobbies each and we keep Sundays free as our "family day out" which might be free, cheap or something more expensive. We make sure they have bikes, art supplies and books. I spend what I can on them and I don't see it as spoiling.

They don't get a lot of "stuff" throughout the year though. They save pocket money which they (at 3 and 6) earn or they wait for birthdays or Christmas. So if the 6yo wants an LOL doll she knows it'll take a month of pocket money (or a visit from Grandma).

Dh and I were always very careful about not "spoiling" the kids with clothes/toys/money

They are 14 and 16 now, and I am now easier with money. As they generally don't act spoiled or entitled, I will give them money to go out with friends, new trainers etc. But funnily neither of them are into stuff that much, they don't care about having cheaper huawei phones/cheap trainers/old clothes.

The only thing I really splurge on for them is sport/hobby/music stuff/school trips. And I do love giving them an extra £10 or £20 when they go out, as they are always so pleased about it.

It's hard not to spoil kids, as part of me wants to do just that....

So I guess it's a mixed bag approach here

I am not well off at all, I'm a single parent on a low income, no benefits, no debts. I am still able to afford a good phone, tablet, Switch, Nintendo DS and lots of games for my child. She has mostly new clothes (often bought in the sales) and a few second hand things. She gets a good pile of presents at birthdays and Christmas and a birthday party every year. She has a room full of nice things. We have regular days out, meet up with friends, meals out, cinema/theatre trips, annual holiday. She gets pocket money. I don't think she is missing out on anything but I don't think she is spoilt either.

In order to afford this I go without some things myself, I hardly ever buy clothes as I have lots anyway from when I was a bit richer. I don't have a car, I cycle everywhere, take a packed lunch to work, don't really have a social life, work hard to keep the bills down, don't really treat myself. I do have a few hobbies I spend money on and I am happy with this. I would rather spend money on my daughter than myself.