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AIBU?

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Original poster

Unreasonable 14 year old - or is it me ?

354 replies

TAMumof3 · 09/03/2019 13:18

My 14 year old son has just swanned in from Tae kwon do practice, ignored the steak bake I've warmed for him for lunch and started cooking bacon and eggs for himself without asking.

He regularly does this - just help himself to whatever food he likes.

I'm particularly pissed off today as I'm just back from a trip from hell to Lidl and have shopped, unpack and written menu and stuck it on the fridge for the week.

Have had a go at him but he refused to stop cooking, left the kitchen in a mess and has now stropped off to bedroom to play computer games .... I have no idea how to parent this.

OP posts:
Babysharkdoodoodoodo · 09/03/2019 14:18

I usually shop online and plan weekly and get ds involved. The plan is right on the fridge so he knows not to eat main ingredients. I get him some of the £1 frozen pizzas, chips, dippers burgers etc. that he is welcome to do himself.

I would be peed off if he had the Sunday bacon and he knows it. Even oh knows not to make a bacon buttie for lunch. Mind you it's usually in the freezer until Saturday night.

The rule around eating outside of mealtimes here is; if you make it, then you clean it.

cptartapp · 09/03/2019 14:19

Why do you have a written menu for the week? All sounds a bit uptight. I have two teenage boys and we decide what we fancy on the day.

BeefTomato · 09/03/2019 14:20

It really is a massive dripfeed. OP said that her objection was that it was rude to help himself to food without asking. It was only when the answers weren't going her way that she decided to tell us that she regularly goes hungry so that her children can eat and the bacon and eggs were the only bright spot in her week of poverty rations.

OP I think that it's brilliant that your DS is taking an interest in cooking, and now might be the right time to harness it. Could you give him a budget and let him cook for the family one or two nights a week? Will lighten your load and teach him some good lessons about food budgeting, as well as giving him more control over what he eats.

If your budget really is as tight as you say then you need to tell him, so that when you say no he doesn't just think that you're being controlling.

ooooohbetty · 09/03/2019 14:22

All the people on here who say their children don't have to ask before they cook anything. Really? Ever? So if you'd prepared the family tea, taken a while over it, spent a bit of money on ingredients etc, you wouldn't mind one bit if your teenage son waltzed in, ignored your meal and got what he wanted out and started cooking it you'd think that was ok? Wow. And the person who said the OP seems a bit strict. She just seems normal to me. Trying to bring her child up with some manners and consideration for others.

NutElla5x · 09/03/2019 14:23

You can really tell the have and have nots from this thread.
I buy enough bacon for us ALL to have a nice Sunday brunch or tea, not for one of us to scoff for themselves. I can't understand why people don't get that some of us are on a tight budget and can't afford an unending supply of bacon. I also don't get why some of you think op should be so grateful that her kid is able to cook bacon & eggs for himself,he's 14 ffs not 4! Confused

Userplusnumbers · 09/03/2019 14:26

Trying to bring her child up with some manners and consideration for others.

Yes, dictating what someone can eat and when is the perfect way to teach manners and consideration Biscuit

TixieLix · 09/03/2019 14:26

Does your son finance his own Taekwon-do classes? If not maybe encourage him to get a paper round or something to help out if your food budget is that tight?

BeefTomato · 09/03/2019 14:27

I love that all the teenagers in these examples are waltzing in and swanning about Grin

IceRebel · 09/03/2019 14:27

not for one of us to scoff for themselves.

But we don't know how much bacon, or how many eggs her DS actually used. He could have used all of it, or just the amount that he would have eaten tomorrow.

BigChocFrenzy · 09/03/2019 14:28

There's a vast gulf on MN between the mc majority who can blithely let their kids help themselves to anything in the frig
vs
those on a tight budget where one person helping themselves means someone else - often the mother - going short

A 99p for 2 steak bake is a v cheap meal that's not very appealing

However, bacon & eggs may be cheap for some folk, but a once a week luxury for others.

Sit him down and discuss a week's meal plans with him that are within your budget:

You might find you just need to modify what you buy, not how much you spend - so you are both happy
Or he might have to accept that what he likes most can only be weekly treats

AnnaComnena · 09/03/2019 14:29

So if it's weird to want children to ask before taking food, how does it work if, say, you're a family of four and there's four of something, maybe intended as a treat. One person takes one. OK.

Then the same person goes and takes another one, and that's OK, because they don't have to ask before taking food.

So two left, between three people. What happens then?

InACheeseAndPickle · 09/03/2019 14:29

Have some food available for him that he can cook for lunch. When his bacon is used up it's gone - he's not allowed to dip into stuff you had put aside for the rest of the family. If he cooks. He clears it up.

KingMash · 09/03/2019 14:30

I'm with you OP, my DS will always ask before cooking something unless it's something he knows is always in the cupboard or bought specifically for him. Just basic manners!

QuirkyQuark · 09/03/2019 14:30

cptartapp lots of us meal plan. We are fairly comfortable financially but we still meal plan, cuts down on any food waste and budget properly. Life is much easier with a plan.

InACheeseAndPickle · 09/03/2019 14:32

@AnnaComnena

I think in most families there's food available that's up for grabs - bread, cheese, snacks, fruit, pasta etc. Any food that is set aside for something particular is usually either obvious or kept somewhere specific.

I think it's fine to have food that isn't a free for all. (I'd be annoyed if I'd bought a salmon steak for dinner or a box of chocolates to give to someone and people just dug in on their own) but it would be controlling for a teenager not to be able to make themselves a snack without checking on every item first).

Passmethecrisps · 09/03/2019 14:33

Christ almighty.

The op meal plans because she is skint. She said that if she buys the 99p for two steak bakes today then she can feed them all a wee treat of bacon and eggs tomorrow. She also mentioned that she would have to go without herself today.

Drip feed or otherwise, op did actually state that. It is not her meal planning which is at fault here. It is the fact that she is struggling to feed herself and her children.

I am a bit surprised at the level of disbelief or lack of awareness of just how poor some people can be and why she would need to be so watchful of what food is in.

I vividly remember my mum shrieking about my brother doing something similar. Yelling “you ate that and there is NOTHING ELSE.”

That wasn’t poor housekeeping or being uptight

NutElla5x · 09/03/2019 14:35

OP I think that it's brilliant that your DS is taking an interest in cooking, and now might be the right time to harness it.
He's cooked himself egg and bacon. Hardly makes him Jamie Oliver Hmm

BeefTomato · 09/03/2019 14:37

Yes, hence I said taking an interest. The only way to get more confident is to practice!

ErrSoYeah · 09/03/2019 14:39

He's cooked himself egg and bacon. Hardly makes him Jamie Oliver

Given that no one said it did, I'm not entirely sure of the point you think you're making... Hmm

However, everyone has to start somewhere and, when they don't, they become 28+ year olds whose parents are on here complaining about the fact they still live at home like teenagers.

independentgroupie · 09/03/2019 14:40

It seems strange to begrudge a child something because he didn't earn the money to pay for it - if that's your attitude then why did you have kids?

I was certainly sorting my own lunches at weekends by your son's age, and I would never have thought - or been expected by my parents - to ask permission first. He's almost an adult for goodness sake - you can't control what he eats.

NutElla5x · 09/03/2019 14:40

Fgs BeefTomato he's interested in filling his belly that's all!

AnnaComnena · 09/03/2019 14:41

it would be controlling for a teenager not to be able to make themselves a snack without checking on every item first).

But in this case, I wouldn't count eggs and bacon as a snack. With some potatoes, it's a meal. Or op might have intended to make a quiche, perhaps, which might have been intended to be part of a main meal.

ErrSoYeah · 09/03/2019 14:41

I love that all the teenagers in these examples are waltzing in and swanning about Grin

Grin
independentgroupie · 09/03/2019 14:42

Have you considered using a food bank, OP?

adaline · 09/03/2019 14:42

She also mentioned that she would have to go without herself today.

I don't understand this. Her son ate his share of the bacon and eggs at lunch, so he can have his steak bake later when the others have theirs, surely?

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