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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Unreasonable 14 year old - or is it me ?

354 replies

TAMumof3 · 09/03/2019 13:18

My 14 year old son has just swanned in from Tae kwon do practice, ignored the steak bake I've warmed for him for lunch and started cooking bacon and eggs for himself without asking.

He regularly does this - just help himself to whatever food he likes.

I'm particularly pissed off today as I'm just back from a trip from hell to Lidl and have shopped, unpack and written menu and stuck it on the fridge for the week.

Have had a go at him but he refused to stop cooking, left the kitchen in a mess and has now stropped off to bedroom to play computer games .... I have no idea how to parent this.

OP posts:

Heismyopendoor · 09/03/2019 14:42

cptartapp I would say most people meal plan. It helps you to buy what you actually need, reduce waste and save money.

How would you know what to buy at the supermarket? Or do you go every day?

I meal plan so we know what we can have that week, I doesn’t need to necessarily by meal x on Monday, meal y on Tuesday etc but then I know what to buy and how to make a list.

I don’t know anyone in real life that just decides on the day what they are eating, day in and day out.

BeefTomato · 09/03/2019 14:43

I'm sure that's true, but it's not exactly a moral failing is it?! And if he's interested in food then it's a great idea to get him involved in meal planning.

Avacadobaby · 09/03/2019 14:43

At his age I definitely helped myself to food but maybe we just had some ground rules about it in place, not that I can remember what they would have been. Also if I was making food it often ended up I'd make for everyone else too so I guess my mum liked the fact she didn't always have to be the cook. Everyone has their own house rules. If it doesn't work and you find it rude then have that conversation, set your house rules and make sure he follows them.

Sparklingbrook · 09/03/2019 14:43

I am glad my teenagers can just walk in and swan about in their own home.

steff13 · 09/03/2019 14:44

How much do eggs and bacon cost? I budget and meal plan, but I consider those staples that are always available. Eggs are cheap, filling, quality protein. Is it possible to redo the meal plan to include more of a variety for lunch; turkey, ham, bread, etc., so they can make their own lunches?

TSSDNCOP · 09/03/2019 14:44

I don't agree he should have made the alternative lunch without any comment nor that he's left the mess.

I don't see though why a health conscious kid that's spent the morning doing sport should have to eat a steak bake.

I get that they're cheap, but even that money could've gone on a combination of teen-filling stuff that is a whole lot less crap.

hopefulhalf · 09/03/2019 14:45

I am agog at the litany of junk food others' teens have free acsess to pizza, chips and dippers ffs. Round here it's fruit, biscuits if there are any and toast. On the fence about the OP, I think the lad should have checked first.

Passmethecrisps · 09/03/2019 14:46

I wonder if he will fancy the steak bake tomorrow though? Cooked today and then left until tomorrow. Fairly sure he won’t.

hopefulhalf · 09/03/2019 14:47

Eggs and bacon always avaible- i feel like i live in a parralel reality

InsertFunnyUsername · 09/03/2019 14:47

Hmm difficult one really, i wouldnt of started cooking bacon eggs at that age without at least a "im starving im going to make a bacon sarnie" or whatever, not because i wasnt allowed to help myself, but it could have been for sunday breakfast etc. And if it was my mum would have offered an alternative. Some people are acting like he is only allowed bread and butter!

Ham, cheese other sandwich fillers on the other hand was help yourself. If you are on a budget OP maybe explain it to him probably will ignore you anyway

diddl · 09/03/2019 14:48

I also think that it's rude to not check if food has been bought specifically for a meal.

He definitely needs to clean up after himself!!

IceRebel · 09/03/2019 14:49

I get that they're cheap, but even that money could've gone on a combination of teen-filling stuff that is a whole lot less crap.

Agreed, Lidl sell bread for 50p, and beans 4 for £1 (or 30p each). So for 50p more (if you brought 4 tins), there would have been the option for the DS to make beans on toast and enough for the OP to have some as well.

Notcontent · 09/03/2019 14:50

Just googled what a steak bake is! That’s really not a great meal for anyone. If money is tight, you are still much better off getting lots of inexpensive basics - eggs, bacon, bagels, pita bread, pasta, baked beans, etc.

hopefulhalf · 09/03/2019 14:51

Also processed meat (bacon and ham) is terrible for you. Why would you give teens free acsess ?

SaucyJack · 09/03/2019 14:52

“How much do eggs and bacon cost?”

You in the US? Eggs are about £2 for 15, and I just buy the cheap crappy bacon for the kids (I don’t eat meat) that’s £1.25 for 8 rashers.

I know everyone is on different budgets, but I’m bit bemused that a 50p lunch is the defining difference between the haves and the have-nots.

hopefulhalf · 09/03/2019 14:53

Cheap processed meat -shudder

InsertFunnyUsername · 09/03/2019 14:53

I really fancy a steak bake now, or a cheese and onion pasty, send it here OP

Didiusfalco · 09/03/2019 14:54

I get the thing about the budget, I really do. You need to have a grown up chat with your ds about the budget issues. But please don’t dress it up as a manners issue, it really isn’t it. A lot of parents would encourage their nice polite children to be independent in food preparation - it’s a good life skill. You can’t do that, for different reasons but it’s not rude and you’re not bringing up your children better by stopping them.

EvaHarknessRose · 09/03/2019 14:54

Let him know his fair share of the bacon and eggs and let him have it when he likes.it would be rude if he ate others share. Explain the budget. But it's normal for teens to be egocentric and a bit impulsive (not to plan). And it's good that he is independent.

ideasofmarch · 09/03/2019 14:56

You have a teenager who cooks. Be pleased that he does! Get him involved in meal planning (or at least shopping list writing, so he knows there's stuff available for him to use) and allow him to do his thing. With any luck, he'll start cooking for you too sometimes.

SchrodingersUnicorn · 09/03/2019 14:56

OP I work with teenagers and find your post baffling. At 14 he is old enough to both need and want the autonomy to get his own lunch. He is also old enough to understand the financial situation - but he isn't psychic! Sit him down, talk about budgeting, agree foods that he can help himself to for lunch and tell him it's great that he's being independent but he does need to check if food is earmarked for something else. And tidy up!
Also, taekwondo lessons are great, but if you are going without and all he's getting to eat afterwards is a nutritionally poor steak bake, maybe as a family you need to reconsider your priorities? Feeding yourselves properly should come before extra curricular activities.

happychange · 09/03/2019 14:56

Poor child, honestly I wouldn't begrudge him for eating something in his own house. How can you control what he can or cannot eat? He's 14!!

MilkTrayLimeBarrel · 09/03/2019 14:57

What is a steak bake, please?

HeathRobinson · 09/03/2019 14:58

Like a pasty?

NutElla5x · 09/03/2019 14:58

I am making that point ErrSoYeah because people are calling poor op controlling,uptight etc because she is on a budget and can't afford to have her kids help themselves to food that she has planned for meals,and her son is being lauded (and she supposed to be grateful) for the fact he is able to cook himself bacon and eggs. He's 14,he should be able to cook just a simple meal shouldn't he? If the posters,who think his capability so amazing, have teenagers that can't manage this amazing feat,why can't they? Given that they are allowed to help themselves to absolutely anything they should all be quite competent cooks shouldn't they?

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