Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you can’t rely on anybody outside of family

102 replies

rainyspringtime · 09/03/2019 07:16

I’ve come to realise that most people are tied up with their own families and that these will always take precedence over friendships.

I don’t know why I’m posting really. Lonely weekend.

OP posts:
SoyDora · 09/03/2019 07:20

Hmm I can rely on my friends far more than my family. When I’m struggling they’re the only ones to offer me any practical help (childcare etc). My dad is too wrapped up in his own life (recently remarried) and my mum only helps if it’s enjoyable for her.
I guess it depends on your friends and your family!

BrizzleMint · 09/03/2019 07:21

I can't rely on either but I think that's fairly normal.

Original poster
rainyspringtime · 09/03/2019 07:21

Yes but that’s a short term sort of needing to step in - I mean, would they commit to it every week (say) put you ahead of their own husbands and children? They wouldn’t and you wouldn’t expect them to!

OP posts:
SoyDora · 09/03/2019 07:23

No they probably wouldn’t (they physically wouldn’t have the time), but my family wouldn’t either. Everyone has their own lives to lead.

megrichardson · 09/03/2019 07:25

I could never rely on my family and I've found that friends have let me down less frequently and in less significant ways.

SaucyJack · 09/03/2019 07:27

I’m sorry you’re lonely.

I agree it’s quite normal for people to prioritise spending time with their own children at the weekend, but having 3 myself I don’t see this as a failing. It’s just what parenting is.

Do you want to talk about your situation and see if anyone has any advice? If you just want to have a bit of a moan, that’s cool too.

Schmoozer · 09/03/2019 07:27

Can’t rely on family sadly

Hedgehogblues · 09/03/2019 07:28

My friends are way more reliable than family. I've been NC with my family for ten years but before that they didn't support me in any way at all

Bluntness100 · 09/03/2019 07:29

What do you need to rely on them for op?

Personally with friends or immediate family, if we make a commitment we stick to it.

Moanymoaner123 · 09/03/2019 07:31

I have two friends who I know I can rely on, but they are both young women without children and not living with their partners. If I need to talk to someone they are on the end of the phone and I know I always have a place to stay with them and with their families, but these are friendships of over a decade where we grew up together. Another friend who does have DC is also great, having DC does make it harder but she is always happy for me to pop over to hers and then we can chat and a glass of wine once her little one is in bed.

YourEggnogIsBetterThanMine · 09/03/2019 07:31

Of course. I prioritise my DC then DH then my parents, PIL, siblings etc. If I've got limited time or resources then I'll always prioritise them. Likewise I know I can only really rely on those same people.

Original poster
rainyspringtime · 09/03/2019 07:31

It’s definitely not a failing. It’s just how things are. I don’t know how to change my life though.

OP posts:
Bayleyf · 09/03/2019 07:36

What's the problem, OP? Explain what you've been let down on and we might have some ideas.

Adversecamber22 · 09/03/2019 07:37

Do you mean immediate family, I don’t see why people wouldn’t want to be with their partners and dc at the weekend I hardly see mine at all in the week. I do commit to a long dog walk early on a Sunday morning with a friend and it’s just missed for holidays and illness.

Do you mean purely social things?

Original poster
rainyspringtime · 09/03/2019 07:41

Of course they do adverse, I just genuinely don’t know where it leaves me.

OP posts:
MyBreadIsEggy · 09/03/2019 07:43

We are a military family, so the lifestyle dictates that we don’t have our families on our doorstep to call on for help when we need it.
Luckily, I have made 3 very close friends here, who are all in the same boat and we know we can all rely on each other most of the time for anything. It gets difficult when all 4 DH’s are away at the same time though and we have 8 kids between us and 2 more on the way!

Mummadeeze · 09/03/2019 07:43

I think it is more that my family rely on me than the other way round. I would love to be able to drop everything occasionally and go out with my friends on the weekend for lunch but then no one would take my DD to all her Saturday classes or look after her on Sunday. Am always happy to see my front with her in tow but I know it’s not the same.

Mummadeeze · 09/03/2019 07:44

*see my friends, not front

8FencingWire · 09/03/2019 07:50

OP, after parkrun there’s always a coffee opportunity with people.
There are meetups at the weekend, check out meetup.com

I’m forrin, in my culture Saturdays, but especially Sundays at 4 pm is coffee and cake time. I have a few forrin and a few retired neighbours. I just go around with a slice of cake once in a blue moon, if none of my friends are around. But most of them have learnt and invite themselves. It needn’t be long, just drop some cake and ask if they’re ok, make small talk for a few minutes.
I have a teenage DD, I have whole gangs of them on Friday nights coming for pizza. They now make their own from scratch, they wait for me with pizza after work these days.
The weather is getting better, but if it’s horrid, I go for a swim, a walk into town to the market.
If it’s nice, I always have my front door wide open and read in the sun, people always stop to say hello.
Loneliness is a killer in this country. It’s almost like people forgot how to be among other people unless they are forced to, because they go to work.

Anyway, what would you like to do today, OP? What would you like to happen?

Original poster
rainyspringtime · 09/03/2019 07:53

But this is the problem. I don’t want to pretend to be interested in running or to go to enforced meet-ups. Thanks though Smile

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 09/03/2019 07:56

Op, my daughter is twenty one, but I've always made time for my friends, so either she came with me or us, or we soclaised independently,

If the issue is no one to do stuff with, what about joining some hobby groups or classes as a way to meet new people?

FiveLittlePigs · 09/03/2019 07:56

Sorry you're feeling lonely, that's a horrible feeling. I have found the saying that ”you choose your friends but family is what you've been given” to be true.

FuckertyBoo · 09/03/2019 08:03

It depends what you mean...

My dad is a bit flakey but he’d be my port of call if I found myself homeless for example. I don’t believe he’d see me out on the streets.

But if I needed a chat, I’d go to my best friend, my husband or my sister, depending on the circs.

They would probably put me up if I was desperate too, but only very short term.

Most of my aunts and uncles and all my cousins would be very Hmm if I came to them for anything I think! We don’t have that sort of relationship.

FuckertyBoo · 09/03/2019 08:04

I don’t have any friends local to me btw. I do yoga if I ever have free time. Not to make friends, but for myself. I have to travel to see “real” friends.

SoyDora · 09/03/2019 08:05

So is the issue that your friends are too busy with their families to spend time with you at the weekends?

Swipe left for the next trending thread