To think you can’t rely on anybody outside of family

[rainyspringtime]

I’ve come to realise that most people are tied up with their own families and that these will always take precedence over friendships.

I don’t know why I’m posting really. Lonely weekend.

[IvanaPee]

If you’re who I think you are, I don’t know why you keep posting these threads, OP!

You’ll stonewall everything. Absolutely everything. You’ll give short answers. You’ll tell people you weren’t looking for suggestions (which you know is what happens on here.)

You’ll get frustrated, posters will get frustrated and then you’ll disappear until the next thread.

As loads of others said before over and over again, you would benefit enormously from counselling or just a trip to the GP. You’d also benefit from the job change you won’t consider...

[SoyDora]

It’s about the fact that no matter how much effort you make, your friends won’t come home with you and sleep with you

No they won’t, you’re right. That doesn’t mean they can’t be relied on though!

[FuckertyBoo]

No, they won’t come home and sleep with you and have family days out with you. That isn’t realistic. But there are other ways to fill your life.

Do you have any family around op?

[dimsum321]

I love coming back to an empty house after being out with friends.

[rainyspringtime]

I don’t know who you think I am ivana 🤷🏼‍♀️

To be honest I am really having a hard time. I have no idea if you know me in real life and if you do you will know I try really hard and I do attend things but I can’t meet a partner which is what I want.

[rainyspringtime]

And hang on, what job change? You’re definitely barking up the wrong tree.

[FuckertyBoo]

“I can’t meet a partner which is what I want”

That is so tough. But it is not your friends’ fault. Not fair to call them unreliable.

I have a few friends who are long term single and it is very difficult when you are not single by choice.

[ILiveInSalemsLot]

Is that what you’re looking for op?
To be part of a family home?

I actually don’t think you can rely completely on anyone. Family and friends can be there for you if they can. Sometimes they can’t and it doesn’t make them bad or that they don’t feel for you, just they have other commitments.

[ThereWillBeAdequateFood]

Sorry you are lonely. I think people are giving good advice about finding clubs to join / take up some interests. If you just want to vent that’s fine though.

[rainyspringtime]

But I’m not having a go at my friends fuckerty

[ilovesooty]

Oh. So it isn't about building or developing friendships but getting a partner.
It would have helped to know that in the first place.

[rainyspringtime]

As I said sooty I’m just thinking out loud.

I am now feeling defensive and upset which isn’t conducive.

I hope you would not speak to a client struggling to express themselves like you just have to me. But you probably would.

[SoyDora]

You do have a very similar posting style to someone who regularly posts about the same issue, I think that’s what ivana was referring to.

[ilovesooty]

Oh dear. Professional client relationships are hardly the same thing as an Internet message board which you're using in your down time. That's a rather unnecessary personal attack but it's interesting that you found it necessary to make it.

[Lostalot]

rainy springtime - I totally get where your coming from. unless you have been in the situation it is unlikely you will understand. I don't mean ' well I was single for a year or so in my early twenties so I know how you feel'. When you get older and understandably people are focused on their own lives. Some people get left behind. Believe me I have made considerable effort to do meet ups, groups etc and have some benefit out of this. However, like op says its no substitute for your own partner/family who will prioritise YOU. It is an on going battle really and sometimes bothers me more than other times. When it really gets you down, you want to talk about how you feel and people to empathise. People are well meaning when they are suggesting groups etc though it does get annoying when you know those people have their cosy family and would never 'put themselves out there' and have to do these things. Also as a single parent arranging things continually with out any 'in house entertainment' available is another job, just as if you advent got enough! I try to focus on goals for myself, doing up the kitchen, planning to travel to see a friend etc. Not an answer but takes my mind off things much of the time. I don't know if this op has written other posts about the same thing or not, if so, so what, she/he is lonely and looking for answers .

[Cyberworrier]

If you don’t want any responses to what you say, can I gently suggest posting on a forum possibly wasn’t the right thing to do? Maybe try writing your thoughts in a diary. Or if you do want to communicate with people here, be open to people’s suggestions and experiences. If this isn’t what you want but you do need to talk to someone about your feelings, maybe try to find a therapist you could open up to? Or try to reach out to friends and family- suggest small meet ups like walks or coffee at the weekend. No, they won’t stay the night but if you’re out and about you are more likely to meet someone and get out of your negative headspace which is self perpetuating and not doing you any favours. Good luck.

[FuckertyBoo]

Well, you could have used a more accurate title... like “Aibu to feel so down about not being able to find a partner”. That makes sense and I think everyone would have sympathised a lot more.

You are becoming defensive now and you’re right, that probably isn’t going to help you. Calm down. Stop getting cross with people on here. It isn’t us (or your friends) who are the reason you’re down.

[ilovesooty]

Exactly Fuckerty

A different title would have made it clearer where the OP was coming from.

[rainyspringtime]

It isn’t about it being interesting, as I presume the inference there is that we know one another under a different identity and I made the ‘attack’ (Hardly) for that reason.

That’s not the case. I have just been feeling very low, posted here and was struggling to explain and express myself and then got a sarky and acerbic comment from you.

Yes, I’ve been a mnetter for a while, have agreed with you sometimes and disagreed other times. I know you’re a counsellor and yes, thought better.

Anyway I shouldn’t have started the thread. Especially if it is like someone else’s as I will just get unpleasantness and I’m not really in a robust enough position to deal with it to be honest. Sorry if I’ve sounded rude, just explaining why I won’t respond to further replies.

[rainyspringtime]

I’m not angry fuckerty I’m sad.

And yes it’s partly about having no partner but it’s more complex than that.

[thedisorganisedmum]

your friends won’t come home with you and sleep with you
if you mean sex, well of course not, but then you are looking for a partner, it's nothing to do with friendship.

If you mean sleepover, my friends do come and stay but we don't have sex with each other

[FuckertyBoo]

Well, I’m really sorry to hear it op. Loneliness is dreadful.

I hope you find a way through it

[IvanaPee]

You do have a very similar posting style to someone who regularly posts about the same issue, I think that’s what ivana was referring to.

Yes, @SoyDora. It’s identical, in fact! Weird coincidence. And the defensiveness has come round about the same time, too!

[Bluntness100]

It's hard to understand what you are posting about, firstly it seemed about friends and family, but now it seems you wish to be in a relationship?

If this is the case, what have you done to help you achieve that?

[ArmchairTraveller]

You sound sad and depressed, but also very passive to the point of inertia. So nothing will change unless you become actively involved in your own life. Or a passing White Knight wants to rescue you.