To think you can’t rely on anybody outside of family

[rainyspringtime]

I’ve come to realise that most people are tied up with their own families and that these will always take precedence over friendships.

I don’t know why I’m posting really. Lonely weekend.

[ilovesooty]

My sister and I barely communicate and my family options are pretty non existent but I have some pretty close and solid friendships thankfully.
Friendships take work to create and build though and I think it helps if you enjoy your own company too.
My closest friendships have come from a combinatlon of work, shared interests and volunteering.

[MondeoFan]

I can't rely on friends or family. My parents would do something if I asked them but don't visit me or show any interest in their grandkids
Friends are the same, a very good friend ghosted me 2 years ago we were friends since we were 16
Just look after yourself and don't rely on anyone

[rainyspringtime]

I do enjoy my own company (have to!) but I do feel life is passing me by a bit.

[HollyBollyBooBoo]

Can't rely on anyone really. Everyone has their own stuff on.

[Nnnnnineteen]

YABU. It may be true in your experience, but my friends are amazing.

[FuckertyBoo]

What do you like to do op? I think you sometimes need to focus on what you do, not who you do it with.

[FuckertyBoo]

My friends are amazing too, but they also have their own lives to get on with. It really depends what you mean by rely on... One off help in a crisis or what?

[rainyspringtime]

That’s the thing, I’m not looking for things to do - I just feel so alone.

[ilovesooty]

Yes I think it can help to identify your own passions or areas of interest and see how you can develop them. Friendships often grow from there I find.

[screamifyouwant]

People are tied up with their own families that is true. I have to plan ahead if I arrange something with a friend I can't just drop my commitments .
This kind of thread has been done before regarding loneliness but the reluctance to get out there and meet people.
I'm sorry you feel this way but you have to make things happen . You do have to find a interest and join a club meet like minded people. It doesn't have to be forced fun everyone has a interest and if you don't try new things . Don't sit at home and feel sorry for yourself life will pass you by that way .

[rainyspringtime]

But yes this is the thing fuckerty people obviously have their own lives, so people suggest ways of meeting new friends but the truth is it's meaningless because they don’t really have that connection with you, their own families are more important.

[Phineyj]

In my experience friends are a (nice) by-product of doing something you enjoy. I've met most of them through music and singing, university, work (all right, sometimes the latter was more along the lines of bonding in horrible workplaces...) Have got some nice neighbours too. Maybe you need new interests first. Or a job change? If you're suffering from flakey people, I sympathise. They occur in all sorts of settings.

[VanCleefArpels]

If you feel life is passing you by then go out and live it. It’s a cliche but there are many who don’t have the privilege of choice fir many reasons and as this thread shows we all have different people, and no people, to “rely” on.

They are not going to fall into your life necessarily. You need to construct your own support system. If that means going outside of your comfort zone by way of going to park run or something more organised then isn’t that preferable to sitting at home feeling lonely and talking to strangers on the internet?

I’m sorry if this comes across as harsh, but I truly believe that we make our own destiny and that sometimes means donning the big girl pants for the greater good. Good luck!

[rainyspringtime]

I’m not scream I’m just thinking out loud. I’m not asking for suggestions of clubs and groups. I’m just assessing my own place in the world.

[ilovesooty]

Sorry, cross post there. However I still think that you don't feel so alone if you develop links with like minded people. Being alone isn't something that can be resolved without practical activity.

[rainyspringtime]

Yes but then when the practical activity is over, you still go home to an empty house. It’s that I am struggling with, not ‘to do’ lists

[thedisorganisedmum]

I don't think it's fair to say you can't rely on people simply because they have other commitments. Family is the common one, but other people work, study are generally busy.

I have lots on friends who are completely unavailable at weekends, because they are very involved into their sport, other in their hobby. They do have children, but they organise themselves around them (and they have great partners or family to help)

I don't think many people just hang with each other without doing "something", even when they are teens. You won't find company if you just enjoy pottering around - not a criticism.

[FuckertyBoo]

Yes, I think that’s true; people’s LTPs and children, sometimes their parents and siblings are usually more important to people than friends. I think close, close friendships where you are that friend’s number one priority are very rare.

I’m sorry you’re feeling so down op . Loneliness is horrible.

[ilovesooty]

Yes you go home to an empty house until the relationships build. It takes time and effort.

[berrybubbles]

I can rely on my friends more than my family. My DF and wife jetted off to a week after my DV was exposed and I was going through the gruelling police process after almost being killed. One of my friends stayed by my side for weeks to make sure I was okay. I couldn’t attend some big family meals in that time so my Aunt and Grandma no longer speak to me. Family eh, you can’t pick em! So I think friends are better as some of us are dealt shitty family

[SoyDora]

Just because your friends have other commitments at the weekends, it doesn’t mean you can’t rely on them. Unless they’re promising things and then being flakey/dropping out?

[thedisorganisedmum]

when the practical activity is over, you still go home to an empty house.

nothing prevents you to organise something else with others after - even if it's just inviting some friends for diner.

I have friends (and sometimes family) staying over most weekends. One of my sisters who is single complains that she is the first call for anyone who wants to stay over in the area .

[rainyspringtime]

It isn’t about effort: this is what I’m trying to explain. It’s about the fact that no matter how much effort you make, your friends won’t come home with you and sleep with you and have family days out with you

[berrybubbles]

*jetted off to Egypt that’s meant to say. Sorry early morning! It’s each to their own though OP, I’m sure most have amazing family

[dimsum321]

I can't rely on my parents. I could rely on my sisters if it was a real emergency. I can definitely rely on a couple of friends. That's it.

But in terms of socialising, most people are busy with DCs etc, so I just message a whole bunch of people and go out with whoever replies saying they're free. I used to have one best friend, but that's very restrictive and I've learnt to spread my net much wider now.