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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you can’t rely on anybody outside of family

102 replies

rainyspringtime · 09/03/2019 07:16

I’ve come to realise that most people are tied up with their own families and that these will always take precedence over friendships.

I don’t know why I’m posting really. Lonely weekend.

OP posts:
Original poster
rainyspringtime · 09/03/2019 08:58

Do you know what ivana I think I am going to delete my account.

I can’t reveal my ‘usual’ posting name on MN because of trolls on another webpage but I’m almost 100% sure I am not who you think i am.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 09/03/2019 08:59

Well if you thought it was sarky I'm sorry. I don't see why it's considered sarky to say that a clearer thread title and op would have helped to elicit the responses you were seeking.
Attacking someone because of their profession is pretty unpleasant and it's rather daft to assume they have to behave in professional mode in a different context.
I'm sure you'll be back after you've name changed even if you aren't responding further on here.
Interesting is the word I used because when you found the resources to single one poster out for personal attack you used them.

ILiveInSalemsLot · 09/03/2019 08:59

what are you doing this weekend op?

Original poster
rainyspringtime · 09/03/2019 09:03

sooty, I work with children in a professional capacity - if I said something inappropriate about children while revealing my profession I’d expect to be pulled up on it.

The thread title wasn’t clear because my feelings aren’t clear.

I want a partner, I think. I miss my parents. I miss some of my friends (no argument but life moves on.) I miss my children.

It’s complex.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 09/03/2019 09:08

I haven't said anything inappropriate about my client group. It's not remotely comparable.
I haven't said anything you can attack me for and I haven't made sarky comments such as the one a pp made about a passing white knightbyetvyou single me out for attack and cast aspersions in my professional competence. That's really unpleasant behaviour.

Polarbearflavour · 09/03/2019 09:08

You can’t really rely on anybody but yourself.

I hardly think the OP needs counselling (which isn’t a magic fix) and on the NHS she would be low priority and no doubt wait 12 months for a lone 45 minute appointment.

Cwtches123 · 09/03/2019 09:09

You miss your children?

pictish · 09/03/2019 09:16

Think you’re getting a hard time here. You’re saying that it’s a lonely life without a partner or family to rely on. I get you.
No friend or pal will ever be able to provide you with the company and security you seek, no.
You are right....their partners and families are far more important to them than you. They might have the odd weekend day spare to spend with you but mostly not.
You want to have a family at home too but that isn’t the current state of play and you’re feeling on the peripheral of life and wish things were different.

Bluntness100 · 09/03/2019 09:19

What do you mean you miss your children? Are they with their dad?

screamifyouwant · 09/03/2019 09:27

Sorry to be blunt but this self pitying is not very attractive no one will love you unless you learn to love yourself .
You say you don't want suggestions but the way to make relationships is to meet people , to meet people you have to go out socialise , be happy enjoy life the rest will fall into place .

IvanaPee · 09/03/2019 09:27

OP, please don’t misunderstand. I was responding to Dora because she recognized the poster I thought you were.

If you’re not her then nothing I have said applies! And to be fair, I did say “if you’re who I think you are.”

To whatever poster made the flippant remark about counselling, what would you suggest? As OP herself says her feelings are complex and she sounds depressed. A qualified counsellor would serve her fair better than randomers on a chat forum.

ThereWillBeAdequateFood · 09/03/2019 09:28

Kids?

Are these the kids you should have had if life went to plan? Or actual children?

thedisorganisedmum · 09/03/2019 09:29

the problem is that your drip feed so no one can keep up.

Your friends are busy at the weekend
You are bored
You want a partner
You miss your children

so of course any suggestion that you need to start a hobby won't be enough advice if you are separated from your children against your will!

Justanotheruser01 · 09/03/2019 09:37

Ive made a wonderful group of friends on mumsnet - we sort of just came together on a thread. Its a lively chatty group no we dont spend time physically together but its company and some of us are meeting up. Have you joined an online community or anything?

Original poster
rainyspringtime · 09/03/2019 09:39

At no point have I said ‘I am bored’

OP posts:
flirtygirl · 09/03/2019 09:40

I can't rely on most family and friends. My closest friend has 6 kids and we have both moved away and my other close friend is ill and hasn't wanted me to go see her or to meet up so that sucks. I have cousins that I speak to from time to time and can unload when necessary so that's good.

My mum always tries and is great for practical support but sucks at emotional support. Just the way she is.

I moved 100 miles away recently from family and friends as I knew apart from my mum that I wouldn't miss any and I would always try to help if I'm needed but they do not go out of their way to ever help me.
Its sad but it's just the way it is.

In my new area, I will get involved with my religion in that area again and may make friends and hopefully my dds will but I'm not bothered either way. I will from September start doing home ed activities in my new area, at the moment I'm remaining in my old groups as my oldest daughter is in college in the old area till June.

I will try to work on the friendships I have but it does feel lonely, when you feel that people you know just don't make time for you.
Flowers Op.

thedisorganisedmum · 09/03/2019 09:41

it's telling that you only comment on that from my post.

You don't come across as terribly pleasant on that thread, but hard work to say the least!

Thindragon · 09/03/2019 09:44

if you have had children and they are not with you, I can only imagine very sad reasons why that would be the case. In that situation I feel very sorry for you and understand why you are down. x

FuckertyBoo · 09/03/2019 09:51

Yes, that really is dreadfully sad if you have dcs who are not with for whatever reason Sad.

Unmumsnetty (((hugs))).

Marlena1 · 09/03/2019 10:00

I'm not sure why people are being so harsh. This is a forum for people to express issuesConfused Anyways, just to say that it is hard. I'd say there are others you know in the same position that you just aren't aware of. Life gets lonely sometimes. But even within couples and families it can be tough. It might seem like all are having a great time but DC are also a lot of work so try not to think the grass is always greener. Wishing you a lovely weekend xx

Slowknitter · 09/03/2019 10:07

Flowers OP. It seems that you are wanting from friendships what a lot of people get from family. So maybe most people aren't looking for that kind of closeness from friendships. And I guess people might actually instinctively withdraw from a friend who appears to be seeking more than they want to give.

It sounds like what you need and want is a partner. I get that you don't want to do all kinds of activities you're not into just to find friends or potential partners, but it's hard to know how else you might find someone, unless you fancy internet dating.

PregnantSea · 09/03/2019 10:10

Who says you can rely on family?

CherryPavlova · 09/03/2019 10:13

Sounds to me like you are feeling something is missing, life isn’t giving you much pleasure at the moment and you’re unsettled but not exactly sure why?
I wonder whether you might have a touch of depression that is keeping the skies grey? If that’s possible then a visit to your GP might be worthwhile.
Then I think it’s one small step at a time. A partner or wider friendships might be the answer but I suspect it has to come from within. You have to like yourself and be comfortable with who you are before deciding who you want to spend your life with.

Practically can you do one thing differently to meet and begin to engage with different people? To try different things? I can’t imagine enjoying park run every week either. I do like meeting friend s for coffee. I do talk to most people I meet when walking the dog, shopping, swimming. Just being open to other people, smiling and getting smiles back, inane chatter all have their place in making the world feel nicer.

Butteredghost · 09/03/2019 10:41

It’s about the fact that no matter how much effort you make, your friends won’t come home with you and sleep with you and have family days out with you

Would you want them to though?

Phineyj · 14/03/2019 11:45

Well maybe you need a cat and a dog. Cats are terrific company in the home and I'm not a dog person, but friends who are say it's a great way of getting out and meeting people. I'm not intending to be flippant or patronising. I have a DH, DD and a bunch of students. The cats are way way more pleased to see me every day than anyone else!