To ask for what to feed unwanted guests?

[MaryPopppins]

We have a couple coming over on Sunday for lunch.

I don't want either of them here. Nor does DH.

But it's unavoidable. So it's happening. So no "just don't have them" comments please as that's a whole other drama.

Anyway. In the past (when we enjoyed their company) I've cooked various things, roasts, lasagne, buffet type bread/cheese/salad etc.

Well. They're all too much effort for me to go to for them now. Jacket potatoes maybe.

What's the easiest group meal I can throw out. That will feed us, but not make the kitchen and loads of crockery dirty please?

Maybe a big bowl of pasta and a salad?

Whatever you make them, do really small portions. If they ask for more food say no!

I would be having root canal treatment or bubonic plague, seriously why go to any effort at all when you dont want to have them over.....if theres no getting out of it I agree that ready meals are the way to go! The pot noodle suggestion is genius!

Quiche with broccoli and new potatoes. Very easy. Tasty. Not much washing up.

Filled pasta and sauce with garlic bread.

I don’t see why you should cook get a joint,chicken whatever from the tasty cooked area in a shop
Get a bag of aunts bessie roasts frozen mixed veg make some powdered gravy ,,
You can up it or down it..
Seriously I do hope you can move on from this mishap or at least talk to them about it what’s the point of sitting down with guests that are not really guests in the true sense of the word.

All these crap food ideas are so horribly passive agresssive.

Do people really do these things in RL?

Why have people over you don't want.
I am trying to think of any scenario where this may happen.

Maybe a relative you don't get on with but have to discuss funeral arrangements of a mutual family member?

In which case I would meet in neutral territory- at a hotel for coffee perhaps to discuss what needs to be done.

Why entertain at all OP?

Chicken casserole with a packet - all in one pot. Easy.

Seriously op, we need the back story here.
I'd go for ready meal, pre prepared stuff whilst all the time running around complaining about how tired you are and how rushed off your feet you've been and how you've not had a minute to breathe etc etc.
That should make them feel pretty unwelcome.

OP what is your goal here?

To ensure your guests have a bad time?
To make sure they don't come back?
To punish them is some way?

Why put yourself and them through this childish scenario?

YABU for not telling us why they're unwanted [misses the point, but v nosy].

Supernoodles with marmite. No dessert. Instant coffee, shame the milk's bad.

Pasta and salad sounds fine.

Are they coming specifically for lunch, or are they coming over for some other reason, at a time when you will also need to feed them?

If it's the former, I can't understand why the obligation! You really have to explain to us.

If the latter, just do some sandwiches (or to go M&S and buy some!)

Sorry, OP, I'm with speakout.

This sounds more serious than just a typical 'oh no, got to host Auntie Lucy and Uncle Pete again'. It sounds as if this couple has seriously wronged you somehow. In that case, you really don't need to have them in your home. Nobody can oblige you. Unless, of course, they have some equally serious dirt on you, which I am guessing is unlikely.

Did they invite themselves?

Sorry, far too many 'serious'es there.

Would it be easier if we didn't come?

:-)

TBH, I know people are just enjoying the joke, but in reality I couldn't do this. If I had to host people, I'd have to take the higher ground and serve a decent meal.

It depends what level of discomfort you can stand I guess
Because gleeful as it may sound on paper, presenting someone in your house with a semi warm jacket potato and a few beans when they normally get a full roast will be awkward let’s be honest!

If you are all out for don’t give a sh*t then I’d get a load of cheap (ie yesterday’s) supermarket sarnies, slice them in quarters and give each person a ready done plate with a variety of fillings and a handful of crisps. Nothing for afters.

It’s just enough finesse to look sort of like you tried but actually a massive F@@@you and they will know it!

It doesn’t matter about the quality of the food. Don’t set the table. When the time comes to sit down and eat, throw some cutlery on the table as if you’re feeding ducks at the pond.

Coffee Homeground?

And halfway through the meal go into the kitchen and then slip out of the backdoor and go to the pub.

Take the higher moral ground. Either uninvite or serve a basic meal. This thread has been funny. To follow through is very immature.

Why do you want to eat crap food? Make a nice lunch and don’t invite them again.

Are they likely to be polite or are they complainers?

Whether you provide alcohol or not might be a decision about who you want to suffer more, them or you...