To ask for what to feed unwanted guests?

[MaryPopppins]

We have a couple coming over on Sunday for lunch.

I don't want either of them here. Nor does DH.

But it's unavoidable. So it's happening. So no "just don't have them" comments please as that's a whole other drama.

Anyway. In the past (when we enjoyed their company) I've cooked various things, roasts, lasagne, buffet type bread/cheese/salad etc.

Well. They're all too much effort for me to go to for them now. Jacket potatoes maybe.

What's the easiest group meal I can throw out. That will feed us, but not make the kitchen and loads of crockery dirty please?

Maybe a big bowl of pasta and a salad?

So, was MIL lying at Xmas, or is she lying now?
Forgive, but don't forget.
Too late to the party, but I would have suggested a nice carvery in local pub surrounded by the feral kids that they feel your DD should be, but your DD behaves impeccably so they see which is actually nicer to be around.
Well done, OP. Points to you.

I don't know if any of it was lying.

I guess stress/jealousy/exhaustion can make us all act out sometimes.

I imagine it's a combination of her not wanting a grandchild with SEN.

Jealousy that she doesn't see my DC as much.

Exhaustion from the time of year.

Easy to blame me perhaps.

Who knows.

I'm not making excuses for her. It was out of order. But it was also out of character. So I just need to be the better person and not let it ruin her relationship with DH/DC.

She's always been more than decent and welcoming to me. Maybe it was just a blip.

I certainly won't forget it. But no point me carrying it around forever. It's happened. I'll know not to pour my heart out to her ever.

And you know what. I took (anxious) DD out this morning just the two of us. She got the headteacher award at school Friday so I wanted to get her a treat.

So on the way out I promised her I would be fun and happy and not grumpy all day. She promised the same back.

We had the loveliest trip out the two of us. Which was spurred on by my "I'll show MIL what a happy childhood this kid has" pig headedness.

Our house was a pleasure to visit today. Laughter. Good food. Happy playing indoors and out. Great news about school/swimming achievements/new holidays booked etc.

So maybe it did us a favour.

I luffs this 💖 warming thread

1. Because you're a wonderful, magnanimous DIL and brill mum, @MaryPoppins

1. Because it's the first time I've made someone spit their tea on MN, @Februaryblooms

Know what you mean with ‘unwanted guests’ DP parents have never bothered with child (she can be a bit wild but she does actually respect other people around her and does not have tantrums in shops or anything and is all round a helpful beautiful little girl) but has with other people’s , tried to say that ‘she used to do this and that’ but I don’t take advice from someone who literally did not give their own son a childhood and kept them in 4 walls with no friends allowed over or anything we were never invited to go for lunch with them or even to their house it was always ‘we have ‘name’ & ‘name’ coming with the little one so for lunch so maybe pop over later’ my daughter is still young and in school so I don’t plan on taking her out 8-9 pm at night, the amount of crap my DP has had because they’ve never ‘been invited to dinner and my parents have’ but my parents spend quality time with my daughter we go out in groups as a family and for lunches and they treat my DP as literally one of their own and they have always helped out with childcare with us working or if one of us has been ill (they have not watched my daughter when we have had emergencies they’ve always been busy with going shopping or having other peoples kids) they know I know they hate me because I don’t stand around and take crap from them when they treat their son or my Child like toys and I actually say something just as I would do if my family done the same . I would do finger food and say ah I’m so sorry but we had a big breakfast with my family and I’m not quite hungry

Cooked chicken or one of those cook in the bag at home ones or a cold quiche, with some of those pots of side salad that M&S etc. do, potato salad, coleslaw. Crusty bread. Done.

@clairethewitch70 civet coffee is Bloody expensive. And actually really nice!

Glad it went well.

How old is your MIL? A sudden change in behaviour/personality like that can be an early sign of dementia. Christmas sometimes exacerbates the symptoms.

Why not go out for a meal and go Dutch ?

Why not RTFT?

Just cook what you would normally cook for your family meal and add two portions. Serve it as an every day meal too - eg if you don’t bother with napkins, leave them out, jug of diluted juice and every day crockery. Most of all, be yourself. Your house, your rules. Never ever let another person tell you how to raise your children. Unless, of course, you ask for help.

Soz, I didn’t check the last few pages before responding!

You killed them with kindness. Very probably, they feel like crap about the whole situation now, as well they should.

Well played, OP!

dont open door

Agree with @MarieIVanArkleStinks - well done Op.

You've got class zoo. I'm glad it was a positive day

Scab and matter custard,
Snot and bogey pie.
Dead dog's giblets,
Green cat's eye.
Spread it on bread,
Spread it on thick...
Wash it all down with a cup of cold sick.

😁

And yes, i have RTFT

That sounds lovely all round. I am really glad that it worked out. I hope that MIL is thinking over her words and wondering all the ways she can make it better as she now knows she was so clearly wrong - not just in saying it but in thinking it

Oh I do love a happy ending.
Bravo OP. You sound lovely and a great mum

I'm sure your daughter is loved and you're always on hand for support, encouragement and cuddles - that's the main thing. I think about the long term, when my daughter gets to the age where she looks back, and as long as she remembers me with fondness & laughter, and being supportive and caring rather than hatred or embarrassment then i'll be happy that i've done a good job.

Perhaps your MIL is feeling jealous of how good a mum and partner you are, and wishes she had been more like you xx

Don't serve large portions. If you skimp on the size they will not want to return. Make a poor man's pizza: melt some butter in a dish and chop tomatoes up in the microwave to partially cook. Add some grated cheese and get some toast ready. When the tomatoes and cheese are all melted and gooey put it on the toast and serve.

It is a very good meal for children if they are not already familiar with posh pizza. Just put it on triangles of toast. It is the cheapest, nutritious meal and very quick to prepare.

I understand that you have to have to feed your guests OP, but what I really want to know is why? Why are they invited to your house if they aren’t welcome? Do please tell....

Jocasta - OP has told. Scan through the thread and read her posts at least.

MaryPoppins , if they dislike you so much why do you think they're coming to visit , do you think there might be an ulteria motive ? Mil might realise what she's do and is trying to put things right ! Mind you if it was me I wouldn't react to any overtures she makes as she's cooked her goose ( Sorry just had to say it :+) .Hope the day doesn't drag !

Marypoppins hats off to you
Don't confide but don't bear a grudge is a very Zen approach.