To ask for what to feed unwanted guests?

[MaryPopppins]

We have a couple coming over on Sunday for lunch.

I don't want either of them here. Nor does DH.

But it's unavoidable. So it's happening. So no "just don't have them" comments please as that's a whole other drama.

Anyway. In the past (when we enjoyed their company) I've cooked various things, roasts, lasagne, buffet type bread/cheese/salad etc.

Well. They're all too much effort for me to go to for them now. Jacket potatoes maybe.

What's the easiest group meal I can throw out. That will feed us, but not make the kitchen and loads of crockery dirty please?

Maybe a big bowl of pasta and a salad?

Why isn't dh cooking for them?

@MaryPoppins how about turning it into a fun lunch that you iLs just happen to be coming to i.e. take the focus off them

Maybe something like getting the kids involved in something they want to cook (kids dishes are usually simple and cheap). Or something your kids have been wanting to eat or to go out to? If you can try and find an enjoyable focus for you, and the iLs are relegated (in your head) to just a transitory cloud on the fun if possible.

I totally see your point and I would either go with pasta bake, or chilli and jacket spuds.
Choc ices for dessert if you can be bothered.

And no wine for them! (although you should have some if you want, or gin or something that doesn't look like alcohol)

I'm sorry they've been such cunts to you, and while I applaud your attempt to keep them in the family for your children, do you really want such people around your children, who think they're "weird" if they behave well and have anxiety? Because I don't think I would!

Oh OP. I hope at least you've had a giggle at some of the more inspired ideas on this thread even though you wouldn't dream of actually doing them.

Time to channel your feral inner child then op!!

Dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets served with baked beans and potato smiley faces.

Followed by Funny feet lollies.

Everyone eating in onesies on a blanket on the floor.

If anyone called my child weird, they wouldn’t see them again.

You are kinder than me, OP.

Worms

Buy a big ready made lasagna from Aldi or Lidl (apparently they’re really nice, so my daughter tells me but too big for just me and dh)

Serve with some nice crusty bread and salad.

They come in a foil tray so cut down on the worst part of washing up.

My daughter was served pasta and tinned peaches at guide camp one year. Together on the same place. That was certainly a memorable meal.

OP - put lots of effort into a selection of beautifully prepared vegetable curries. Certainly my FIL can't understand why anyone would want to eat a meal without any meat in it. This way, you'll know if they're not happy with the meal it's their attitude that's the problem and you'll have kept the moral high ground. They'll also think your child is doubly weird if they're quiet, well-behaved AND vegetarian.

Cook plenty and any spare can go in the freezer, so the effort isn't wasted on them.

Instant pot noodles, the cheapie ones. Just for them.

Make yourself something nice, and enjoy lots of wine. They can have tap water.

Trip to M & S I'd say. I've often done a large roast chicken (cooks itself), bought a large baguette, lots of coleslaw/couscous/potato salads along with a bag of salad leaves, and nothing that involves major effort other than putting on the table.

FIL said that you have brought your daughter up to be weird? And your husband occasionally has doubts and thinks FIL is correct?

Dear Christ! I would take daughter and go out just as they arrive

I would tell them that you don't want to inflict weird on them

I would leave them with husband who sounds like he has the inner makings of FIL in him

It's all very well wanting to allow PIL access to grandchildren - but some don't deserve that privilege

Spicy veggie bean burgers, cheap cheese slices, slightly stale burger buns and undercooked, pale oven chips👌🏻

I was just coming on here to say what JaneEyre07 said.

Nothing quicker or easier than a roast chicken and salad. Served with good grace (despite your understandable reluctance!) or not at all.

Then serve coffee, ask the DC to play elsewhere, and communicate calmly and assertively as CherryPavlova described. Use "I" not "you" statements eg "I felt xyz when you stated that etc". Pause and listen carefully to response. Keep calm and polite throughout. Hopefully they will apologize sincerely. But think ahead and discuss with your DH as to what your course of action will be if they don't.

Pasta and salad sounds great.

And a shop bought pudding which will be fine.

No extra work.
Tasty and simple.

Job done ✅

Gina, why do you think access to grandchildren is a privilege? Personally, I don't think it is a right, but nor is it a privilege either - why deny your DC access to people who love them even if you don't get on with your in laws?

Get something delicious on the go for you and DH for later on..Something like a slow roasted leg of lamb,,,or a yummy tagine or casserole.

The house will smell gorgeous,,,,and then serve them Fray Bentos pie and crispy oven chips...

Rotisserie chicken, bagged salad, fresh bread.

Can grab that from the supermarket in 10 minutes.

It is actually nice, but zero effort and looks good at the table. No cooking utensils to wash, just plates and cutlery.

I think your dh should sort it. I would seriously question if I'd want someone to spend time with my dcs who describes them as weird.

I'd also make sure I had something planned for later on that I really liked.

So presumably despite your comments they are now travelling down to see you?

And despite your cold shoulder and the falling out they still want to see you all?

They expressed a stupid idea- they used a horrible word.

But you are clearly very much comparing them to your parents and they always fall short. They are suffering from parents of the groom status and that’s one it seems almost impossible to win on MN

And now despite driving two hours to see you they are about to get served a crap lunch

Make whatever your kids would enjoy.

Ask DH to tell PIL they are not to criticise your parenting to him because he thinks you are a very good parent.
He can say that if they continue to criticise you they will not be welcome in your house.

Feel free to go out for some "me time" whilst PIL are visiting as they are really only wanting to spend time with DH and the kids.

Shop bought pie, ready made mash and peas - followed by supermarket pudding - good luck

Your dh should be cooking anyway.

Got a slow cooker? Throw a stew in it. Zero effort.