To ask for what to feed unwanted guests?

[MaryPopppins]

We have a couple coming over on Sunday for lunch.

I don't want either of them here. Nor does DH.

But it's unavoidable. So it's happening. So no "just don't have them" comments please as that's a whole other drama.

Anyway. In the past (when we enjoyed their company) I've cooked various things, roasts, lasagne, buffet type bread/cheese/salad etc.

Well. They're all too much effort for me to go to for them now. Jacket potatoes maybe.

What's the easiest group meal I can throw out. That will feed us, but not make the kitchen and loads of crockery dirty please?

Maybe a big bowl of pasta and a salad?

Yeah, get your husband to take responsibility for cooking for his own parents.

What about a sandwich and a packet of crisps or even better toast.

Pasta bake. Sauce from a jar.

You're right @MaryPopppins, fuck them. They don't deserve your time, consideration and unpaid labour.

And yeah, just tell DH to make their lunch. I don't see why they are your problem.

My PIL are equally critical and hostile to me and this year I finally decided I wasn't doing anymore emotional labour for DH on their behalf. I told him I will no longer remind him of their birthdays, Mother's Day etc, won't be suggesting presents or shopping for them, won't be sending off for custom cards with DCs on them, won't be texting them photos of DH, won't be checking dates with them before we schedule parties. I am retired from giving a fuck about PIL. DH had no idea how much I did until I stopped.

After reading your update op, you do your dc a disservice subjecting them to the company of such people.
My dc have no gps.
Better than toxic ones.

On the plus-side, spending time in the kitchen cooking is a great way of avoiding annoying in-laws. It has the added advantage that you seem at face value to be doing something nice and welcoming for them.

This is a strategy I frequently use. Oh, and they're on an information diet about our lives, too. Achieving this is easy: just get them talking about themselves. No narcissist can ever resist this. Then all you have to do is sit there, smile and nod, and in this way avoid giving away information they can use to find a chink in your armour. If they do ask personal questions, grey rock.

Works every time. I wouldn't want to go passive aggressive either: this is descending to their level.

Good luck, OP. I'd have a nice glass of something bubbly on standby for when they've gone home. You'll have earned it!

Poor op. That sounds hard going.

I think pasta and salad with some garlic bread is something everyone can enjoy but saves you from feeling like you have gone to any enormous effort. Good choice.

I do wonder having read some of the suggestions if this was done to us once. Except we were invited to lunch. We messaged the day before to confirm and all was fine but when we arrived it was almost like they had forgotten. They had to make a very ordinary lunch stretch to an extra three people. We didn’t even get a glass of water with lunch. It was so very peculiar. Previous lunch dates had been exceptional food and fantastic hosting

Most of these "don't care" meal suggestions sound fabulous to me What do y'all cook for people you like very much? Lark's tongue supreme with unicorn paté? Roast swan? Or just caviar and chips if you're in a hurry?

p.s. Don't forget the

I think you should have a frank talk with them and let DH sort out the food. Silence and poor food will not resolve the problem.

They gave an opinion, not great, but some people do cause their children's anxiety and destroy their Mental Health.

There must be a meeting point of what you call 'feral behaviour' and what they call normal, age appropriate behaviour.

It would be better having a meeting and seeing if there's anywhere to go with the relationship.

The insults have to stop, of course. If not damaging, they have to accept your Parenting choices.

Buy 2-3 packets of supermarket soup mix (in cut up veg department) you just add stock and part baked bread you finish in the oven. A hot home cooked meal but super easy

Why do people keep counselling the OP against serving poor food? She's repeatedly said that she wants to serve something nice (as she's not an idiot and ha to eat it herself) but is not inclined to go to much effort! Low effort does not equal low quality...

I'd go out and leave your dh and dc to it. Maybe leave dh with a pasta bake ready meal or ingredients.

Be there, welcome them in, chat for 10 mins then apologise and say you've got plans and go out for the day, maybe come back 30 mins before they are due to leave. Will actually make the visit easier on your dh. Decline future visits, or limit to a couple of times a year.

Both Lidl and Aldi do some nice frozen meals and desserts. Look there to get some ideas.

Or what about something like poached egg, with bacon and asparagus on toast?

Fish and chips in the newspaper. Bonus no washing up.

I'mean sure your children get lots of opportunities to let off steam and get all their energy out. Maybe they only see the times the children are in situations where they "have to behave" and are presuming their whole life is like that.

I would just start by pointing out they're not seeing the whole picture and forming their opinions on snapshots. I'm not sure from your OP whether they think you're constantly having to discipline your children in situations where they have to behave, which they see as stressful, or whether they think your children are abnormally well behaved and they think this is odd. They're obviously just basing their opinions on a few situations either way. And calling your child "weird" isn't kind or helpful whatever their opinion.

Waitrose have some really nice ready-made broccoli quiches. Those, served with hot crusty bread and butter, new potatoes again with butter and chopped parsley and a salad. Tasty, so not too passive agressive and limited effort.

Or I'd be telling them that they can take you all out to the pub.

“I'mean sure your children get lots of opportunities to let off steam and get all their energy out. ”

Why are you sure of that?

Let your DH decide, because he needs to do all the planning & cooking for this

If his planning skills are so abject that they end up with Marmite on toast, that's not your responsibility

Anything which shows you are able to be gracious and grown up and act like a decent host.

Absolutely go and buy 'ready food' if it's the effort you don't want to make. There are lovely ready meals in some supermarkets or COOK, as well as lovely things like quiche or prepared salads to cold platters in M and S - all low effort and low clearing up.

They are coming and you're resigned to it, so now serve something decent if low effort and come out of this feeling you've behaved decently, regardless of back drop.

There are lots of spiteful suggestions on this thread. Rising above things is usually better and more satisfying, even if posting spiteful suggestions on a online forum provides amusement .....but we are talking real world response now.

Chicken nuggets or pot noodles cos that what your weird children like???

Seriously....id do pasta bake, it's easy and can be tasty. If you feel inclined you can add some ham or cooked chicken to it and sprinkle with cheese. Garlic bread and salad...should be easy and not look like you wish they were taking a long walk off a short pier!!!

Or just pasta and a jar of pasta sauce (again you could add ham or meat if you fancied)

I’d do a roast chicken with jacket potatoes, a pot of coleslaw and a ready made salad. It is a ‘proper’ meal with as good as zero effort.

Can't your husband cook for his parents why is it down to you?
In my house whoever makes the invite to someome for dinner they cook/buy the take out.

Buy a quiche. Buy some salad. Buy some salad dressing.

Pop one on a plate, and the other two in a bowl. Mix and serve.