To ask opinions on sex while pregnant with a man who's not the dad

[blackcoffeeinbed]

What are people's opinions on having sex with someone you have met at 25weeks pregnant after being single for 3 months after splitting up from baby's dad?

Have had a friend ask my opinion on wether I think this is acceptable. I was a bit surprised by her asking and didn't really know what to say. I ended up saying it's her life and her body and if she is comfortable then it's her choice but to make sure she uses a condom as she hasn't known this guy long. She responded that she doesn't know if she should because it feels wrong while she has her baby inside her still, I said that if she is unsure then not to pressure herself.

I've never really thought about it tbh and usually I'm just of the opinion what people do isn't any of my business, but reflecting on it now I don't think I personally would if i was her, I can't put my finger on why exactly but then I've never been in her position! What do others think? Would you? Wouldn't you? Have you?

@WombatChocolate

Personally, I think that some kind of stability for children to be born into and live within is important. Whilst women may be fully entitled to have sex with whoever they like and men too, to think that having lots of sexual partners has zero impact on that stability and hence the children is in my mind disingenuous.

Children mean compromise and sacrifice in lots of areas for both men and women. They mean having to think twice about things we might like to do and that we sometimes have to adjust what we do in all kinds of areas- that's not just for women but men too.

This 100%. ^

And can people just bore off with the pathetic scolding and scathing remarks against the (many) posters who think shagging a man when you're pregnant (who is not the father of the baby) is wrong, gross, weird, disgusting, and maybe even detrimental to the health of the mother and baby etc etc..! (Because DISEASES!)

Just get off your high horses, polish your pearls, and get over yourselves; people are entitled to their opinions and views, whether you like them or not.

And so what if people are judgemental about this? Everyone is judgemental about something, sometimes, and you 'saintly' oh-so-perfect people on here, calling posters judgemental and misogynistic and nasty etc etc, best not deny it, because we know YOU judge people sometimes too. (Men AND women!) EVERYONE does.

And trust me - as this thread illustrates - the vast majority of people will judge a woman who is pregnant, for shagging a man other than the baby's father when she is pregnant. They will also judge a man for shagging a pregnant woman. As has been said, some men are into that, and it's a fetish for them.

Yes, women are entitled to shag around (with men other than the baby's father,) when they are pregnant, but equally, people are entitled to think it's gross and disgusting and wrong. I can't believe anyone thinks it's OK actually, and to be honest, I am questioning some of the responses on here.

Call me judgemental. IDGAF. As I said, EVERYONE is at some time or another, and don't even try to deny it.

Or maybe she’s worried about judgmental attitudes. Can’t say I blame her on the back of this thread!

But who would know what sex she's having or isn't having unless she volunteers the information?

She has some doubts about it, that's why she's asking her friend and saying she's not sure if she'll even do it.

.how would anyone know who it's about specifically?

Quite easily as the OP has told us about certain aspects of her life which would make her identifiable if the friend read this!

because we know YOU judge people sometimes too

Absolutely. Do I judge adults for having consensual sex? No.

Do I judge people’s responses to women and sex? Absolutely.

I think I wouldn’t have sex with a new partner. My gut/ emotional instinct is to be horrified and I can’t explain why. Perhaps because it’s a time in your life when protection and vulnerability are overwhelming, for you and the baby? I’d be worried that my friend would be emotionally hurt too, even if it is meant to be just sex.

I never knew about men with pregnancy fetishes and I’m a bit grossed out by that tbh.

I think the visceral reaction is pure misogyny tbh. Do women suddenly lose all right to bodily autonomy when pregnant? It seems so, reading this thread. Grotesque? Gross? Really?

This. Many, many times over. Can’t believe some of the replies on here actually.

It’s unbelievable how deep it runs, isn’t it MIA?

No one said anything about "shagging around" Starting a new sexual relationship shop once a previous one is over is not shagging around.

The double standards on here on awful. Single mothers are second class citizens yet women are frequently told to ltb and that they'll be better off as a single parent. Can't win.

How is it misogyny?
Would you label someone misogynistic who themselves wouldn’t sleep with someone they had only just met at 25 weeks pregnant then?

You can oppose a womans actions without pulling the misogyny card.

Sparkly, the word ‘Slapper’ was used on this thread.

In fact, it was used by you GreatDuckCookery. If you can’t see that ‘Slapper’ is misogynist language, then I can’t help you.

I think it's a horrible idea. I'd also think a man was a bit weird to want to

This. I know it's not logical, but I disliked having sex at all when I was pregnant. Having it with another man would be horrible to me.

So what phrase would you deem ok then?
Slapped wasn’t the best term to use, I agree but I was being honest to what I would think in this situation.

Are you saying that all women who sleep cannot be labelled as such because it’s misogynistic? I’m not talking about this woman here to be clear.

Yes it really is unbelievable Entirely and I hope those who have had a ‘visceral reaction’ have dug a little deeper in themselves to think why that is.

Duck if you really can’t see the misogyny dripping off some of these posts there is little point arguing the toss with you. In fact Entirely has helpfully pointed out one of them was written by you. Calling another woman a slapper, what a lovely person you must be.

I don't see the issue at all. Maybe because I've been single and pregnant before at the same time. Although I sadly didn't have anyone to have sex with at the time.

Good job @Raisinbrain otherwise you'd be going straight to hell!

I honestly don’t know how I’d feel if it was me. I can easily see myself saying yes, & no. It would depend on a lot of different things I think. But I’d definitely need to feel like I could trust them to be careful and to stop immediately if asked. As you should anytime of course, but I’d want to be extra sure I trusted them enough to do that. I also think that being worried about contracting anything that could harm the baby would stop my libido pretty much dead. Maybe. I really just don’t know.

If a friend asked I think I’d say much the same as you did & have the same concerns as you. If she had just told me it had happened I don’t think I’d have thought much of it if she seemed happy.

Im sorry but ive been single through all of my pregnancies and have never done this. I think its disgusting and yes I would judge!

Oh the irony.

I hope you were fine with people judging you.

Are you saying that all women who sleep cannot be labelled as such because it’s misogynistic?

Yes. Calling women a slapper because they are single and have sex is as misogynistic as it gets.

So what phrase would you deem ok then?
Why do you need to give any sexually active woman a label at all? Of course calling her a slapper isn't OK; but there isn't a sliding scale of misogynistic name-calling where there'll suddenly be an acceptable label/phrase. "Hmm, slapper, bit much... what about tart?" What about a bit of self-examination to consider why you're so judgmental about another woman's vagina and what goes on in there.

Are you saying that all women who sleep cannot be labelled as such because it’s misogynistic?

Why are we judging any woman for how many sexual partners she has?

Why can't they begin a relationship but not have sex for now? Or doesn't she see him as a potential long term partner?

Why can't they begin a relationship but not have sex for now?

Or equally she could just want sex. No relationship.

If she's single and uses protection I can't see the issue?

I'm actually disgusted by the responses on here. OK some people saying they wouldn't do it themselves and it makes them feel uncomfortable but not sure why. But the people judging, name calling, saying it's disgusting etc......and I haven't seen any reasoning behind this. It's disgusting because it is. OK then. Yes he could have a pregnancy fetish. But he could have a foot fetish and be attracted by her massive feet. Or a ginger fetish and be attracted by her hair. She might not know him that well. But she might. Some people seem to be a bit disgusted that she is thinking of having sex again relatively soon after a break up. That has nothing to do with and no impact on the pregnancy

If she is safe this will in no way shape or form hurt the baby. If she was getting pissed and having an unprotected orgy with strangers yeah that might not be the best thing for her physical or mental health and therefore bad for the baby. But that's not the case.

I can't believe there is more judgement about who a woman sleeps with, which will most likely not impact on the baby at all, than there is for things that do impact babies and children such as feeding them junk food (mumsnet usual consensus: none of your business) or even things like formula feeding or putting baby in its own room before recommended time (mums net consensus - quite rightly - the mums physical and mental wellbeing are more important). But a pregnant lady doing something for herself that might make her happy - disgusting.