To ask opinions on sex while pregnant with a man who's not the dad

[blackcoffeeinbed]

What are people's opinions on having sex with someone you have met at 25weeks pregnant after being single for 3 months after splitting up from baby's dad?

Have had a friend ask my opinion on wether I think this is acceptable. I was a bit surprised by her asking and didn't really know what to say. I ended up saying it's her life and her body and if she is comfortable then it's her choice but to make sure she uses a condom as she hasn't known this guy long. She responded that she doesn't know if she should because it feels wrong while she has her baby inside her still, I said that if she is unsure then not to pressure herself.

I've never really thought about it tbh and usually I'm just of the opinion what people do isn't any of my business, but reflecting on it now I don't think I personally would if i was her, I can't put my finger on why exactly but then I've never been in her position! What do others think? Would you? Wouldn't you? Have you?

It's ghastly, isn't it pregnant - like you say, one of the nastiest I've read on here. And so bizarre.

When I was a kid, way back in the late 60s, our next door neighbours were a couple who'd met when she was "in the family way" already (which back then would have been a scandal) and it never occurred to my parents to say anything other than how lovely it was she'd met someone so nice after her ex had done a runner. Why have we gone backwards as a society in terms of judging women?

I really don't think it's anyone's business apart from the woman. I don't see any issue with it. It is fine to have sex when pregnant, it doesn't affect the baby.

Single women can have sex with any consenting adult male or female they want. It's nobodys business.

That she is pregnant has nothing to do with it.

I had sex with my friend when I was single and pregnant. I was gagging for it and I trusted him and he wanted to as well. We were careful and it was bloody lovely. We had great sex together right up until my baby was born and a bit after too. Then we went back to being friends and I met my now husband not long after. My dh was gutted he didnt meet me before because he loves it when I'm pregnant.
I really don't see the issue here. Having sex got me in that condition in the first place 😂

I needed sex and couldn't ask the father of my baby to oblige. Nothing dirty or weird about it.

It's morally repugnant. I think it's equally morally repugnant for a man to leave his pregnant girlfriend and sleep with someone else

Yeah I agree with this actually.

There's a baby on the way. Give your vag a rest for a few months ffs...why the rush to jump into bed with someone else straight away?

Why does it need a rest?
Morally repugnant indeed.
Are all the disgusted morally perfect?

These are actual women you are talking about with such disgust. Women with feelings and needs. Women capable of feeling and expressing love to a partner through sex. Women who are not just a body to gestate a baby and keep themselves pure until the baby is born. Women who love and are loved and deserve a fulfilling sex life even if their ex fucked off with someone else or didn't want them or the baby or whatever.

You are almost victim blaming here. Like it's her fault she got pregnant and ended up single. Then to give in to her baser desires. What a slut. How disgusting. Morally reprehensible. Morally repugnant. Good god. I've never seen so much pearl clutching.

I think that's been my thoughts, physically as long as she is careful and is happy to do so then fine, but I don't think I personally could do it because it would feel morally wrong to me. But again I've not been in her situation, I've always been with my partner when pregnant so had it on tap. If I was to be single and lonely and horney then who knows?!

Someone said previously that she is probably the type to call people slappers for sleeping around when they're not pregnant. She is far from this person, she doesn't involve herself in other people's lives and keeps herself to herself, she knows how judgemental the world can be so I think that's why she spoke to me about it for reassurance either way. I admire her for at least thinking about it before jumping into bed with someone she doesn't know very well, no condom, no consideration for her actual situation and potential complications. She is quite sensible and I'm sure she will do what is right for her.

*Most men would be fiercely protective of a Partner that was carrying their baby. The thought of strange man having sex with her, and pumping away with his penis just inches from his baby's head, would feel very wrong, in a territorial way.

I would imagine the female feels much the same way. It does feel very wrong to me. Invasive almost. A strange man's penis, near my baby's head. A baby created by another man. Feels all sorts of wrong.*

I would not want a man to feel territorial over me just because he had impregnated me.

I would not want women to feel that I now need protection and sympathy.

If you end up in the situation where a penis is near your baby's head, I don't think it matters who the penis belongs to. Your baby doesn't care.

It presumably wouldn't matter that it was a strange penis if the man she was having sex with was her partner, but she'd conceived with donor sperm?

People act like they cant wait 9 months, I was single more than once in pregnancy and didnt have sex with anyone. Cant people control themselves anymore or are people really that desperate ?

Not all single pregnant women sleep around you know, some of us actually have self respect.

Sleeping around? What, with ONE person??

Who isnt the childs father. Its grim to be honest. Very wrong.

Someone said previously that she is probably the type to call people slappers for sleeping around when they're not pregnant. She is far from this person, she doesn't involve herself in other people's lives and keeps herself to herself, she knows how judgemental the world can be so I think that's why she spoke to me about it for reassurance either way. I admire her for at least thinking about it before jumping into bed with someone she doesn't know very well, no condom, no consideration for her actual situation and potential complications. She is quite sensible and I'm sure she will do what is right for her.

In other words, your friend is a very nice, decent person, who trusted you, and you repaid that trust by holding her up to be pilloried and pelted in the stocks of public opinion by a load of judgemental bastards on mumsnet.

Shame on you OP. She deserves a better friend than you.

My main fear would be that the man was one of those weird fuckers with a fetish for pregnant women.

I think we've gone back in time by a few decades.

Some women meet someone and fall in love when single and pregnant. How is that wrong? A man falls in love with the woman as a person not as an object incubating a baby. Is that wrong too? Is she out of bounds because she's contaminated with another man's sperm?

On what moral basis are people claiming it is morally wrong? It is not hurting anyone, or causing any harm.

I cannot see any way having sex with the baby's dad is different to having sex with another partner.

Most men would be fiercely protective of a Partner that was carrying their baby. The thought of strange man having sex with her, and pumping away with his penis just inches from his baby's head, would feel very wrong, in a territorial way.

No man gets to feel territorial about my vagina. It would be totally inappropriate for an ex to think then have any sort of say about what goes on in there!

I'm a good friend to her thank you, I've been there for years to support her through all sorts and actually my posting was out of curiosity because I wasn't entirely sure I'd handled it well but after reading most of the responses i think I actually did. I've previously said to the 1 other person that's made a point of me posting that if I told her tomorrow she wouldn't care and would probably appreciate the advice herself because she's confused and unsure on the matter. You don't know her, and you don't know me, so if you have nothing constructive to say on the subject then keep your stupid opinions to yourself!

They are both consenting adults, if they're both happy then why not?

The mysogyny on this thread is pretty fucking grim.

Why do you any of you even have a view on it other than "it's none of my business".

If that's how half of you view a woman's bodily autonomy, then I seriously pity your daughters growing up with such underlying inbuilt disgust at a woman simply having sex. Because that is all this woman would be doing.

What a vile attitude for anyone to have. Maybe question 'why' you all feel the way you do and figure out where it stems from. You might find it's everyday BS and attitudes drilled in to you too from your own 'rolemodels' growing up who were clutching their pearls.

No, herpes and warts can be transmitted condom or not and initial herpes infections during pregnancy are v. dangerous.

It would suggest to me that some poor life choices are being made and that the child in question is likely to be raised in a chaotic home environment.

I'd also be very wary of any man who is chasing after a pregnant (and vulnerable) woman who is carrying another man's child. It may be that he's targeting someone vulnerable or possibly fulfilling s fetish. He may not be, of course, but I'd be on alert.

I’m so shocked and pretty fucking disgusted at some of these comments.

She is single, he is single and they both want too. Some women get very horny when pregnant and some men find pregnancy a huge turn on (my husband included)!

It’s insane to me that people are so harsh about this. I’ve seen threads where it’s less scandalous to drink during pregnancy but having sex is disgusting?

The baby won’t know and it’s literally NO different to sex with a partner (providing they wear protection)

Lockhart I disagree fully with your assumption that

Lockhart I disagree fully that her child is going to grow up in a chaotic environment!! She's a sensible and caring person who will make the best mum, I have total confidence in her abilities. I don't think it's a poor choice if she decides she does want to take the step with this guy, I think it's her choice. I think your comment is unnecessarily judgemental!

@blackcoffeeinbed you asked for opinions, I gave mine. I'm not actually judging your friend, I'm just saying what I think is likely based on the limited information available to me in your posts.

Series of relationships with different partners close together can be a chaotic home environment to raise a child in. That's not a judgment, just a statement of fact.