Gossip that has gone very wrong

[ChorltonCreamery]

One of my children is in an 'organisation' think church group, Scouts etc They are in a friendship group of about six or eight and the mothers are friendly enough, if some of them don't know each other they will have mutual friends etc.
One of the women 'A' is a real character, very funny and charismatic with very talented and charming children. When one of her children came to my child's birthday party I thought that her grandfather had brought her...it was their father. A is married to a man old enough to be her father. He has grandchildren who are older than his children with A.
At the weekend the mothers went out together for the first time but 'A' couldn't come. The conversation turned to 'A' and the relationship that she had with this man. At no point was it 'nasty' as such but comments were made about the age gap etc. One parent admitted that the family had not been invited to a gathering at a school friend's house because the husband had found it weird to have to talk to someone old enough to be his dad.
Well last night in front of some of the children 'A' confronted us! She had been briefed (I think by a woman at the next table to us who had lingered after her bill came). She completely demolished us intellectually, asking what had she done to provoke such a reaction and picked on us individually. Unforgivably she then asked a teenager whether her mother had brought her up to behave so despicably a manner and whether she thought it was appropriate to gossip behind people's backs. One of the group disappeared round a corner and was sick.
It was utterly hideous. I know I am guilty of joining in. I don't know what to do. One of the other children has told my child what happened. Only one of the group has responded to my text saying that she thinks that 'the circle' is at an end and the other person that she has spoken to has spent the morning in bed with a migraine.
I know I am to blame for joining in but I didn't initiate the gossip, but how would you react now. What is the way forward?

[howwillwedeal]

@AlexaAmbidextra !!! 😂

[YourSarcasmIsDripping]

And tbh even if it was that woman I don't get the vitriol against her. Would you really listen to some strangers trash your friend (in any way) and just keep shtum letting her carry on thinking they are friends,inviting them in their life and basically giving them more gossip fodder?

Fuck me with friends like that who needs enemies?

[ShirleyPhallus]

Fucking hell. This thread has become WAY more bitchy than what the OP did in the first place.

Sometimes MN is horrible. Posters climbing over one another in an exercise of competitive vileness. Awful.

[WhoWasIt]

@Ellyess. Good, we can have a rest from your psychobabble.

[StillCoughingandLaughing]

Oh Shirley, do get a grip.

[JoMumsnet]

Just stopping by to say we've deleted a number of posts.

And dropping in a link to our Talk Guidelines in which we say, very politely, that we'd appreciate it if you could use the same courtesy when posting messages on Talk as you would use when speaking to someone face to face.

[StillCoughingandLaughing]

Tell the OP that!

[Carriecakes80]

You all sound like the kind of cliche'd teenagers, who love a good bitch but cannot take the fallout afterwards.

Your 'friend' A is awesome, had to be strong enough to face you all, and I feel so awful for her, and her kids too. Knowing they weren't invited somewhere because their Dad was deemed 'too old' for the group???

Fair play to this woman for calling you all out. I would much rather be friends with the strong lady with a lovely family with an older husband, than weak kneed people who throw up and have headaches when caught out who have husbands that 'can't talk to older men!' What is he? Seven???

[ShirleyPhallus]

Cheers @StillCoughingandLaughing, got one but judging by the number of your deleted posts looks like MNHQ agree with me 🤷🏼‍♀️

[StillCoughingandLaughing]

One, you mean?

No one likes a self-appointed Head Girl, Shirley.

[SparkiePolastri]

I agree, @ShirleyPhallus - this thread has completely descended.

The venom, and sheer delight at taking the OP down, from some people is quite remarkable to witness.

The utter irony is lost on many.

[SabineUndine]

@ShirleyPhallus That's what I was thinking the other day. A lot of the people piling in to criticise the OP should stop and think about how they as a group are coming across.

[Ellyess]

ToftyAC. You said;
"Ellysess. Any gossip, however you dress it up, is nasty."
whowasit you applauded

I think I have the right to point out that I said exactly this this earlier but you seem to have overlooked it.

To save you time, I will copy the relevant part I previously posted:

"gossip = saying nasty things, muck-raking
conversation = discussing facts benignly".

I would be glad if you could clarify your facts before suggesting I have said something the opposite of what I actually said. Thank you.

And Mumsnet if this correction is not passable please let me know as I have felt hounded by being accused of saying things I have not said and have had to explain things several times as a result. Thank you.

[Ellyess]

HarrySnotter
You quoted me saying:
"If we stick to what the OP says we may be able to speak sense."
Then you commented
'Sadly, @Ellyess, I think you have shown that that is not the case'.

Are you saying that you do not find what I have said to make sense? If so please do tell me where you have found difficulty understanding and I will endeavour to explain.

I always try to explain what I say clearly and to stick with the contents of the OP and any further information, and to speak to anyone else on an issue or question that spontaneously arises that does not derail the thread.

[WhoWasIt]

@Ellyess. You got that wrong didn't you. If you're going to quote someone, at least quote the correct poster.
I thought you wasn't going to bore us with your psychobabble any further?
Shame you can't keep your word.

[RickOShay]

Shirley is spot on
most posters here would fit in well with the op’s social circle
it’s not Shirley who needs the grip

[poglets]

I ca t stop thinking about you saying you're akin to a church group. Thoroughly pious, closed minded cruel gossip.

You should be ashamed of yourself.

[TSSDNCOP]

I've wanted to ask for a while Shirley, but is you user name an unpleasant twist on a tv personalities name or derived from something else? Whenever I see you on a thread the questions pops into my head.

[LaMarschallin]

Oh! I've only just realised that Shirley's name is a pun on Shirley Ballas. Thanks, TSS
I'd had the film title "Stella Dallas" in my head every time I saw it. And I can see it's Shirley not Stella. Tsk, LaMar.
I've also thoroughly enjoyed the replies to reviews of The Peacock. Even replies to 5 star reviews seem a bit grudging and the ones to lower starred reviews are Basil Fawlty to the nth degree. You can almost see the spit flying.
Anyway, sorry - off topic.

[LaMarschallin]

Gah! Sorry!
Even more off-topic as the reference to The Peacock belongs elsewhere

Sloping off to cringe in private.

[ShirleyPhallus]

I've wanted to ask for a while Shirley, but is you user name an unpleasant twist on a tv personalities name or derived from something else? Whenever I see you on a thread the questions pops into my head.

It’s an incredibly cheap play on words of Ballas to Phallus. The first time I heard of her I genuinely thought that was her name. Et voila!

[Ellyess]

WhoWasIt
You wrote to me:.
I thought you wasn't going to bore us with your psychobabble any further?
Shame you can't keep your word".

"you wasn't" is an example of dreadful and wrong grammar.
''bore us with your psychobabble". I do not really know what "psychobabble" is, but it clearly is a pejorative remark. If I draw on my professional experience, it is because I have a lot of experience having worked following two post graduate qualifications in Psychology, one from the Institute of Neurology and I worked at the Institute of Psychiatry. There is no "babble" involved in the Psychology I know or refer to. So I have no idea of what the reference to not keeping my word refers.

I realise you are hounding me and that your attacks on me are not relevant to the OP. I shall not bother answering personal attacks from you any more.

[Ellyess]

Concerning my post beginning - ToftyAC. You said;
"Ellysess. Any gossip, however you dress it up, is nasty."
whowasit you applauded
I correct this to: whowasit You said;
"Ellysess. Any gossip, however you dress it up, is nasty." and
ToftyAC. you applauded
The response I gave was: that I had already posted earlier:
"gossip = saying nasty things, muck-raking
conversation = discussing facts benignly".

This response remains the same and whoever made the first statement and whoever chose to applaud is irrelevant since my reply applies equally to both people: It was;
I would be glad if you could clarify your facts before suggesting I have said something the opposite of what I actually said.

[Hahaha88]

Way too many comments to read them all but this had my cracked up If Mr Kipling was here, he'd call you exceedingly pathetic.

[Vulpine]

Yep this thread has become a proper bitchin' fest