Gossip that has gone very wrong

[ChorltonCreamery]

One of my children is in an 'organisation' think church group, Scouts etc They are in a friendship group of about six or eight and the mothers are friendly enough, if some of them don't know each other they will have mutual friends etc.
One of the women 'A' is a real character, very funny and charismatic with very talented and charming children. When one of her children came to my child's birthday party I thought that her grandfather had brought her...it was their father. A is married to a man old enough to be her father. He has grandchildren who are older than his children with A.
At the weekend the mothers went out together for the first time but 'A' couldn't come. The conversation turned to 'A' and the relationship that she had with this man. At no point was it 'nasty' as such but comments were made about the age gap etc. One parent admitted that the family had not been invited to a gathering at a school friend's house because the husband had found it weird to have to talk to someone old enough to be his dad.
Well last night in front of some of the children 'A' confronted us! She had been briefed (I think by a woman at the next table to us who had lingered after her bill came). She completely demolished us intellectually, asking what had she done to provoke such a reaction and picked on us individually. Unforgivably she then asked a teenager whether her mother had brought her up to behave so despicably a manner and whether she thought it was appropriate to gossip behind people's backs. One of the group disappeared round a corner and was sick.
It was utterly hideous. I know I am guilty of joining in. I don't know what to do. One of the other children has told my child what happened. Only one of the group has responded to my text saying that she thinks that 'the circle' is at an end and the other person that she has spoken to has spent the morning in bed with a migraine.
I know I am to blame for joining in but I didn't initiate the gossip, but how would you react now. What is the way forward?

WhoWasit

if you find sitting and being nasty about someone ????
You failed comprehension then.

How do you infer that the OP was "being nasty" from her clearly explained statement above which says very plainly:
At no point was it 'nasty'. She openly explains that another person made an awful confession (her word for it which conveys that she thought it was wrong) about a bad thing she and her husband did. This was not the OP and it was out of the OP's control. We don't even know how well the OP knows the confession woman or what ensued from the confession but the OP was not part of it.

Go back and read the OP properly. Read it at least three times. If you cannot understand it after that or feel you need to add something mendacious to make the OP sound bad, then don't respond on this thread. MN doesn't need malicious liars who attack innocent people for the fun of it.

Stop jumping to conclusions and adding your own unsolicited adornments to the picture.

I think you are the nasty person for fabricating smears as an excuse to say nasty things to the OP.

@Ellyess you're deluded.

I think you are the nasty person for fabricating smears as an excuse to say nasty things to the OP.

Yet, @Ellyess you think saying You are weird to another poster is perfectly fine. Bizarre.

Ellyess
Will you ever go and fuck off.

The woman was gleefully laughing at this woman for having an older husband. I hope you/they had fun. Because you were bitching about your friend. Pure and utter jealousy. He probably pleases her in bed more than you get it. Honeybunch. He also probably has more income than your husbands to provide her with love and care. Jealous? It's seething.........

I think the 'circle' has enveloped us.

@Ellyess Are you the original poster under a name change?
By her own admission, they were gossiping about someone, which she participated in.
And got called out on it.

Not sure we'll come out of this with our lives........

Run goddammit! The circle is upon us!

ToffeeCake!

You're weird. You say:
"you assume that whoever told A made the group seem nastier"
There's no assumption happening at all in drawing a conclusion from a piece of evidence, in this case the behaviour of a person. If someone steals they are a thief. I would not be assuming they were, if they stole something the evidence says they are a thief. No "assuming".
The person who told A, did tell her! Simple as that. No assumptions! Someone told A. A knows because a person told her.

Is that clear enough for you? Yes? No need to assume someone told her then. Whoever told her knew it would cause a lot of trouble. A colloquial term for a lot of trouble is shit. So the person did stir up shit. It is obvious s/he knew it would ensue from telling A. That was the reason for telling A. A real friend would have taken the group up on whatever they said there and then and challenged them on the spot.

I feel sorry that the OP hasn't got across to you people that they were not being mean about A except for one person's "confession" and that applied to one person.

I am appalled at the low level of ability to read a narrative and understand the facts set out in it which is revealed her on this thread. The desire to jump in with both feet and mercilessly attack somebody from a great height of higher moral ground is overwhelming.

The lesson is; if you have something you need help with, concerning relationships especially, do not go to MumsNet.

I would have told A to stop speaking to me like that because I had not said anything to hurt her. And the fact that she jumped to the conclusion that they all were hurting her, must be because the person who told her about it said they were. The way she went for them and, worse, attacked the 14 yr old, sounds like somebody who likes a fight and doesn't bother to get the facts straight first before she sets into people.

For fuck's sake, who the fuck would engage with this class of muppet?

God almighty. Now I know why I never engaged with the 'circle'.

Are these the people you all class as 'friends'? Have you all got a similar circle of friends?

WhoWasIt

No. Yawn.

I am really shocked by the level of response to this.
I am utterly sorry for my role in this.
I am completely culpable, as culpable as the person who initiated the conversation.
The conversation was initially observational at one level, then moved on to discuss the dynamic between his first family and second- I joined in this and hold my hands up I find it fascinating! Then it became judgemental and horrible when his job and wealth was mentioned. I felt uncomfortable and should have stopped those joining in. I am guilty. I have apologised. I am feeling awful because of my role not just because I was found out.
‘A’ was not excluded from evening. She couldn’t go. The husband who refused to have ‘A’’s husband at a gathering is NOT the husband of anyone in the group but was mentioned at the meal. There were two women who finished their meal before us but lingered. I would not recognise them again but think it was one of them who told ‘A’ not one of our group.
I can cope with the vitriol; I deserve it but I am grateful to those who have said that it could happen to them as well. ‘A’ is the victim but I maintain that she should not have involved the teenage sibling. I have nothing else to say but I have learnt a lesson.

Ok, so you are the OP. Otherwise you wouldn't know the age of the teenager.
FACT. You're a bitch.

I feel sorry that the OP hasn't got across to you people that they were not being mean about A

How on earth would you know this, unless you were there? Oh wait ...

Personally, I think your little churchy group are at best a nest of vipers and at worst a load of nasty and total cuntybollocks. A sounds like my type of gal - whether she has an older husband or not. I couldn’t give a monkeys how old someone is.... just whether or not they’re a good person. Vomiting, migraines? WTF? I’ve not RTFT but I hope she takes your apology & tells you to shove it where the sun don’t shine. Too much wine & curiosity my arse. More like judgy, childlike drama llamas.

I would like to be A’s friend.

I bet it didn’t take long to demolish you intellectually though.

TheKingsofCleon

1. You said very rudely:

"Ellyess Will you ever go and fuck off."

1. Then you said:

"The woman was gleefully laughing at this woman for having an older husband*.

1. I ignore requests made by people who are vulgar. Also a question requires a question mark at the end. You omitted that. Perhaps, given your school playground language and your level of grammar you are not the sharpest knife in the box.
2. So you were there were you? I meant you know they were "gleefully laughing^ and the reason why?

Of course you were not there. You decided to embellish the OP's straight-forward description of what happened with lies to make it serve your own purposes.

How do you infer that the OP was "gleefully laughing" from her clearly explained statement above which says very plainly:
At no point was it 'nasty'. She openly explains that another person made an awful confession (her word for it which conveys that she thought it was wrong) about a bad thing she and her husband did. This was not the OP and it was out of the OP's control. We don't even know how well the OP knows the confession woman or what ensued from the confession but the OP was not part of it.

Go back and read the OP properly. Read it at least three times. If you cannot understand it after that or feel you need to add something mendacious to make the OP sound bad, then don't respond on this thread. MN doesn't need malicious liars who attack innocent people for the fun of it.

Stop jumping to conclusions and adding your own unsolicited adornments to the picture.

I think you are an ignorant and vulgar person who fabricates downright lies as an excuse to say nasty things to the OP.

I think you are an ignorant and vulgar person who fabricates downright lies as an excuse to say nasty things to the OP.

I think you are the OP.

Oh, and as an aside, A had every goddamn right to call out the teenager as well.

@Ellysess
Are you feeling nauseous or feeling that a migraine is about to start?
I would go and have a lay down until you're feeling better if I were you. You seem emotional.

I came across this "ageism" a couple of times at work and it always shocked me
Quite a few years ago a "young" girl working in a company I used to freelance in said to me thank goodness you're here - the other say they sent an "old man to work with us" - she was outraged!. The "old man" in question was probably about 40 at the time and had grey hair!

The second time was over the Brexit vote when someone said "old people like you shouldn't be allowed to vote and screw it up for us young people!!" he wasn't joking either.
I have always had friends of all ages - I like people

Wow, this has turned into a massive bitchfest. OP I do admire you for coming back and admitting fault after the response you've received (mine included) I'm hoping you'll see A's perspective now, if you're genuinely sorry and care for her offer to take her out for a coffee and chat. Good luck.

HarrySnotter
Perhaps you have not understood the point of posting something on MumsNet. The OP writes about something and we respond to what the OP has written.

If one had to be there to say anything we could not have this thread at all.

I can easily make that statement because she wrote concerning their conversation: "At no point was it 'nasty'"

I like to stick to the facts. In this case the facts are what the OP wrote in the OP.

Perhaps you can't read very well.

Before you start, the OP does clarify that ONE woman confessed (OP's word) to not inviting A and husband for a really terrible reason. By writing this way the OP clearly dissociates herself from this remark which she did not like. We know nothing about what was said following it.

We do know that nothing apart from that one person's confession was said that was "nasty" about A.

If we stick to what the OP says we may be able to speak sense.

How do you infer that the OP was "gleefully laughing" from her clearly explained statement above which says very plainly: At no point was it 'nasty'.

You seem almost obsessive about this phrase. You’re taking it as gospel - yet the person the OP and her friends were talking about found it nasty enough to give them a major dressing down. Maybe she knows just a little bit more about whether it was nasty than you do?

WhoWasIt. I'm fine thanks. Not emotional at all. Always rational. Just helping people keep to the facts.