Gossip that has gone very wrong

[ChorltonCreamery]

One of my children is in an 'organisation' think church group, Scouts etc They are in a friendship group of about six or eight and the mothers are friendly enough, if some of them don't know each other they will have mutual friends etc.
One of the women 'A' is a real character, very funny and charismatic with very talented and charming children. When one of her children came to my child's birthday party I thought that her grandfather had brought her...it was their father. A is married to a man old enough to be her father. He has grandchildren who are older than his children with A.
At the weekend the mothers went out together for the first time but 'A' couldn't come. The conversation turned to 'A' and the relationship that she had with this man. At no point was it 'nasty' as such but comments were made about the age gap etc. One parent admitted that the family had not been invited to a gathering at a school friend's house because the husband had found it weird to have to talk to someone old enough to be his dad.
Well last night in front of some of the children 'A' confronted us! She had been briefed (I think by a woman at the next table to us who had lingered after her bill came). She completely demolished us intellectually, asking what had she done to provoke such a reaction and picked on us individually. Unforgivably she then asked a teenager whether her mother had brought her up to behave so despicably a manner and whether she thought it was appropriate to gossip behind people's backs. One of the group disappeared round a corner and was sick.
It was utterly hideous. I know I am guilty of joining in. I don't know what to do. One of the other children has told my child what happened. Only one of the group has responded to my text saying that she thinks that 'the circle' is at an end and the other person that she has spoken to has spent the morning in bed with a migraine.
I know I am to blame for joining in but I didn't initiate the gossip, but how would you react now. What is the way forward?

[Mrsfrumble]

One parent admitted that the family had not been invited to a gathering at a school friend's house because the husband had found it weird to have to talk to someone old enough to be his dad.

How depressing! Are there really people who don’t have friends outside their own age bracket?

I don’t get why the age of A’s husband is so noteworthy anyway. Some of the children in my kids’ classes have dads in their 60s, some in their 20s. It’s no big deal.

[Redglitter]

One of the group disappeared round a corner and was sick

Really???? Ffs talk about an over reaction.

[Notonthestairs]

I'm hoping this is a reverse.
Apologise but don't expect her to accept it (if she does she has an awful lot more grace than you do).

[Bluntness100]

It wasn't gossip though was it? Gossip is " oh did you know As husband is thirty years older than her" . There was no gossip because everyone knew the husband was older. It was bitching pure and simple.

It's so stereotypical, a group of women getting together and sitting and bitching about another woman. Why do some do this? Does it make them feel superior to bitch about their own gender?

And then to pile on the dramatics, someone being sick, someone taking to their bed with a migraine, stating it's unforgivable to ask the teen, that someone's husband can't bring himself to speak to older people.

Really it's shameful bitching. Nothing gossipy about it.

[FizzyGreenWater]

A sounds great, the rest of you sound rubbish.

I've got more than one set of friends through school where it is a second marriage and there are children from the first who are older, etc. - it just isn't an issue - or anyone else's business in the first place. I find this the most astonishing bit of this story to be honest! Where do you live, are absolutely EVERY couple complete identikits of one another - all married and having children at exactly the same life stage, no complications, no second marriages, no kids later in life because of careers or whatever - ? Very, very weird bloke!!

[Tonightstheteriyakichicken]

OP you've been a chump. A heartfelt apology is in order.

[Bambamber]

Wow being physically sick and having a miagrane, all because your friends were confronted for being a group of bitches. Seems a bit dramatic, but good! Serves you all right. Good on her for standing up for herself against a bunch of grown women acting like children.

A man uncomfortable talking to someone old enough to be his father? What a load of tripe. Does he have difficulty talking to his older family? Do they make him feel uncomfortable?

[Justonemorepancake]

She sounds awesome. The rest of you sound slightly pathetic. I'd ditch them and apologise to A.

[Boysey45]

I'd just ignore it but not talk about people behind their back again. If you go out/or marry someone who is a lot older than yourself then people do make comments. Thats life. I remember asking an acquaintance at a group if a man was her Dad that she had brought with her. It was her boyfriend!
Sounds all very dramatic over nothing really.

[roundturnandtwohalfhitches]

You all know you've been caught out- without a leg to stand on. So suck it up, apologise and learn from it. Think about how her children would feel if they heard all this stuff about their Dad from your kids.

What will most undoubtedly add insult to injury is if you turn this all back on the poor woman with all the faux outrage at the teenager being told off and the migraine and the vomiting. That's going to make you all look like utter dicks.

[cuppycakey]

I suspect OP was expecting this thread do go rather differently......

because the husband had found it weird to have to talk to someone old enough to be his dad. Seriously? He sounds utterly pathetic.

You sound like a bunch of nasty cows. Hopefully you will apologise and learn from your dreadful mistake.

[mentallyfacked]

I would be furious if in 'A's position, as you've stated her children are well taken care of and respectful, who the hell are a bunch of bitchy mums to criticise her relationship?

Her and her husband are obviously doing something right....

Big apology and let it be a lesson for how you and your "friends" conduct yourselves in the future

[Piffle11]

The vomiting bit actually makes me angry - what kind of person reacts this way on being called out on their behaviour? 'Oh look at me, she's made me sick! That's much worse than what we did' Totally trying to put the 'blame' back on A. My DF was around 17 years older than the other men in my parents' friendship group: I would have been very hurt if we had been excluded from things purely based on his age.

[mrsm43s]

A is in the right. The rest of you acted like bitches and should be apologising for your appalling behaviour. I hope you are ashamed of yourself. Poor A :( Glad she had the balls to call you out on it though.

[BadLad]

It's pretty impressive to be so good at bollocking people that they then have to go and throw up or stay in bed with migraines.

She must have bags of charisma.

[DoneLikeAKipper]

And then to pile on the dramatics, someone being sick, someone taking to their bed with a migraine, stating it's unforgivable to ask the teen, that someone's husband can't bring himself to speak to older people.

It’s like a ridiculous story of women from another era. I imagine the one in bed with a ‘migraine’ being fanned and fed grapes, such uncouth behaviour from A causing her to have a moment of ‘womanly weakness of the mind’. All whilst her husband is in his man cave talking to himself ‘but of course I couldn’t socialise with Jim, I’m a young man interested in football and television. I have no idea how to converse on rationing during the war, the invention of the wireless and the delicate delights of Wethers Orginals’.

[Thisisnotadrill]

No one on MN gossips juatvlike no one drinks more than a thimble full of alcohol of week

That said it does sound more like bitching than gossiping and for no reason as you have said she’s nice.

Quite a shockable lot aren’t you? It’s not a big deal is it that someone has married someone a bit older?

The husband sounds like an utter tit if he is unable to speak to anyone other than people his own age?!

[paisho]

Vomiting and migraines because you got pulled up on being bitchy? Come off it.

Exactly. You all need to apologise, stop behaving so pathetically when exposed, and grow the hell up. HTH.

[Thisisnotadrill]

@DoneLikeAKipper

Hilarious 😂

[Fabaunt]

Hope you’re happy with your circle of bullying bitches as friends, because A sounds like she is well rid.

The absolute cheek of you to be upset about being confronted over your behaviour. If you didn’t want to be caught or confronted learn how to keep your big mouth shut.

You owe that woman a groveling apology if her friendship meant anything to you, without any expectation of being forgiven or trusted ever again.

[MyKingdomForBrie]

'Unforgivably, she then..'

Oh the irony! How dare you say that about her?! You all behaved horribly and deserve everything she said and did.

[JRMisOdious]

Just re-read the first line.

“Church group”

F**k me!

[OddBodsAndGladRags]

Apologise (all of you if can stop vomming and having migraines). And do NOT do it on social media but go and see her.

I doubt the group dynamic will be the same but she does deserve an apology.

[Petalflowers]

I think I would apologise along the lines of Juniper up post.

[OddBodsAndGladRags]

This is like a Liane Moriaty novel...