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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School forcing my son to play rugby

301 replies

Nearly47 · 06/03/2019 08:05

AIBU to think that it is wrong that the school is forcing my DS to compete in the rugby team?
When we joined I new he had to learn how to play and I have no issues with that. But to compete involves staying late at school twice a week and going to games Saturdays mornings plus he already plays football that's the sport he prefers. I am really annoyed and not sure how to proceed.

OP posts:
MeAgainAgain · 06/03/2019 16:50

Ohhhhkayyyyyy

So the fact that sports takeup across different groups of people is different, is down to personal choice, and nothing to do with barriers to participation etc

I am VERY pleased to hear that "This girl can" can pack up and go home as the issues around girls and participation in sports is solved.

I also note that neither disorganised nor wijjjjy have any issues with people with disabilities being weeded out from selection procedures as they are not team players...

Thankfully, although I am disabled it's invisible (ish) when doing normal interview activities like walking into a room, standing up and sitting down, and so I haven't been actively discriminated against, pleased to hear though that multiple posters on this thread would be OK with a criteria that would weed out me and other people with disabilities from the workplace, as if we don't have enough to contend with already.

Other than that I am very pleased to hear that all structural barriers to sports participation for other groups in society have been removed. Hooray!!!!!

Ali1cedowntherabbithole · 06/03/2019 16:51

No, because women and people of different races don’t play the right sort of team games.

MeAgainAgain · 06/03/2019 16:55

And not just any sport will do, or fitness activity.

It needs to be a team sport.

Which I suspect women do less of than men. Lots of men I know do sat football for eg while women tend to do more stuff like yoga. PP would give the man in this example the job on the basis he is more likely to be a team player than the woman.

Here is an interesting documetn and women and participation in sport for some of you to ignore Grin

funding4sport.co.uk/downloads/women_barriers_participation.pdf

Meandmetoo · 06/03/2019 17:05

No woodman, you really do need some training.

And the rest of your sentence just reads like "I'm not racist, I've got Asian mates" (ie. Load of bollocks)

thedisorganisedmum · 06/03/2019 17:12

MeAgainAgain
I have had employers requesting to employ a certain gender - and only send a few token cvs because they won't interested and wouldn't employ the anyway.

Interestingly, they were all female. I have never heard a man telling me he wouldn't employ a woman or making it an issue. Not saying they don't exist, but let's cut the crap on women being the constant victims in this world we live in.

MeAgainAgain · 06/03/2019 17:14

Your anecdote about vile sexist women is supposed to counteract your support for use of proxies for protected characteristics

And I note you are still super comfortable with discrimination on the grounds of disability.

Now you seem to be indicating that you work in HR or recruitment?

JacquesHammer · 06/03/2019 17:15

I have never heard a man telling me he wouldn't employ a woman or making it an issue. Not saying they don't exist, but let's cut the crap on women being the constant victims in this world we live in

Surely you’re not asserting that because you’ve never seen it, it isn’t widespread?

MeAgainAgain · 06/03/2019 17:16

PP has said that they use methods in hiring that will disproportionately weed out people who are disabled, non white, female, poor etc etc

You are claiming that you know plenty of super sexist women who refuse to work with men and that makes the above OK.

Whatever.

thedisorganisedmum · 06/03/2019 17:17

MeAgainAgain
I am sorry if my work experience doesn't fit your little agenda. Grin

ScreamingValenta · 06/03/2019 17:18

Could he pretend to lose his knack with the game and play really badly, so they drop him from the team?

MeAgainAgain · 06/03/2019 17:20

My little agenda?

My talking about my disability?

MeAgainAgain · 06/03/2019 17:20

You're a charmer aren't you.

Is it HR you work in or recruitment?

JacquesHammer · 06/03/2019 17:21

Could he pretend to lose his knack with the game and play really badly, so they drop him from the team?

Too much of a risk. He’s far better to just be honest.

MeAgainAgain · 06/03/2019 17:22

When people from protected / minority groups talk about their experiences etc they always get accused of having an agenda.

i suppose my agenda is that I think illegally writing people with disabilities out of the picture for jobs because they are disabled is bad and should stop?

Wow I am grade A mega bitch Confused

JohnMcCainsDeathStare · 06/03/2019 17:27

Is it me or is Mumsnet become more sour of late?
I wish that running very fast away from competitive sports was a sport in its own right.

Guineapiglet345 · 06/03/2019 17:28

Could he pretend to lose his knack with the game and play really badly, so they drop him from the team?

^ this, I’m surprised he hasn’t tried it already to be honest Grin

BackInTime · 06/03/2019 17:28

People have different level of energy and different priorities life.

I agree OP and I think balance is key. There are some kids that are ok with doing activities 24/7. Some do it because they want to and genuinely enjoy it but there are others that are pushed to quite a lot of extra stuff by parents and coaches.

I can see how this happens as once you are involved they want more and more commitment. There's always extra training, more equipment, extra camps in the holidays (not to mention the extra cost) and threats of losing your place if you do not attend. The commitment is not just for the child it's the whole family as everyone's plans have to centre around their training. Siblings can become resentful of the time devoted to once child's activities and family life suffers if it becomes all consuming.

JohnMcCainsDeathStare · 06/03/2019 17:30

I'm actually pro rugby in that most should try it but given the nature of the game there need to be more bio banding, no one should do contact if it's their first time and an unwilling participants is a danger to themselves and others.

What is it about schools ans children's activities that seems to make them exempt from risk assessments?

JacquesHammer · 06/03/2019 17:31

What is it about schools ans children's activities that seems to make them exempt from risk assessments?

I risk assess every new group I work with.

thedisorganisedmum · 06/03/2019 17:36

When people from protected / minority groups talk about their experiences etc they always get accused of having an agenda.

you say that but then you completely dismiss other people who have a completely different experience. The difference between you and me is that I don't pretend that my own is a worldwide rule, just that women are not as victim as some like to pretend.

youarenotkiddingme · 06/03/2019 17:46

I would say the forcing is being done via emotional blackmail!

I get school teams want to win and it's end of season and probably cup matches are played.

But education is important and what schools about. Extra curricula are just that.

Your employer cannot force you to play in teams for office comps etc.

My ds is a swimmer. He trains 6 sessions a week. He is also an excellent theatre assistant and can programme and run lights for performances.
School are totally on board that performance periods ds has to make a choice. If he has a big meet coming up he cannot commit all to school performance. If he doesn't then he will commit all to performance and train around this as he can manage.

I'd be livid if they told him it wasn't a choice and he had to chose school.

However when he starts GCSEs if they commented they feel he should cut back for that period then if agree with them.

MeAgainAgain · 06/03/2019 17:49

thedisorganisedmum it would be really good if you could explain why you think it is OK to discriminate against candidates with disability by using proxies such as giving preference to people who play team sports.

You seem to work in HR or recruitment but you won't say which and so I am doubly interested.

RomanyQueen1 · 06/03/2019 17:50

Mine is lucky as they don't really do PE. They are encouraged to go to the school gym though.
There aren't enough kids to do team sports, so they have their own fitness programme. It's quite interesting.
Weekends there would be no time for PE as they practice and rehearse before chilling.

MeAgainAgain · 06/03/2019 17:53

I find it troubling that someone with influence over recruitment has:

No issue with discrimination on the grounds of disability
A view of women as sexist biased recruiters and a belief that men do not behave this way
Zero knowledge of unconscious bias
Zero knowledge around barriers to certain types of candidate

Interesting.

Slowknitter · 06/03/2019 18:00

Do people really not believe that there are jobs where white, public school arses would use 'rugby shows commitment and the ability to work as part of a team' as an excuse to employ a fellow ex public school boy like themselves over a candidate from a different background/sex (who might have also have evidence of good teamwork, but from less posh activities)? I can believe that all too readily.