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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School forcing my son to play rugby

301 replies

Nearly47 · 06/03/2019 08:05

AIBU to think that it is wrong that the school is forcing my DS to compete in the rugby team?
When we joined I new he had to learn how to play and I have no issues with that. But to compete involves staying late at school twice a week and going to games Saturdays mornings plus he already plays football that's the sport he prefers. I am really annoyed and not sure how to proceed.

OP posts:
LIZS · 06/03/2019 09:07

Presumably they play in rotation so football, if they play it, has already been and gone. It will swap again at Easter. Training is often compulsory in lower years secondary/prep school to encourage them to play.

JacquesHammer · 06/03/2019 09:08

I've sent emails explaining that he chooses to play football and playing rugby also would be to much

Do you mean too much logistically?

CuriousaboutSamphire · 06/03/2019 09:10

No.. not what do you think, what does he think?

Many kids play a couple of sports and enjoy both/all of them equally!

Many schools have a compulsory sport policy. Saves kids having to battle with their parents!

Original poster
Nearly47 · 06/03/2019 09:11

He enjoys playing rugby like he enjoys playing must games. But he loves football and has been playing for a few years for a local team. I told him that he couldn't play both because they clash sometimes and would left him much time to study and he chose football. That's when I contacted the school. They didn't select him for a couple of months but now indicated interest in him continuing in the rugby for the next year and selected him to play this week. He does rugby in PE sometimes and probably that's when they decided he was good enough for the team.

OP posts:
Kokeshi123 · 06/03/2019 09:12

OP, you haven't explained whether this is a private or state school and whether this rule was explained to you before your son started there.

If it's a state school, tell them to bugger off.

If it's a private school and they didn't tell you this beforehand, then they are in the wrong.

If they are a private school and they did tell you beforehand... hate to say it, but you should have checked a bit more carefully first!

SleepingStandingUp · 06/03/2019 09:13

So what happens at the end of school? In what way do they bar him from leaving?
What happens if he doesn't turn up on a Saturday?

LIZS · 06/03/2019 09:14

The occasional clash is inevitable but does not rule him out completely. Is this his first year playing?

Original poster
Nearly47 · 06/03/2019 09:15

Just to add. Rugby training twice a week. Football once. But much time left for gone work, etc as when he does rugby he gets home nearly 6 pm. It's not feasible to do both.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nearly47 · 06/03/2019 09:16
  • not much time left
OP posts:
Seeline · 06/03/2019 09:16

OP - the type of school really does make a difference - which is it?

What year is your DS in? Many boys at DSs school play several sports to a high level, and still fit studies in. Unless he is GSCE year (which is unlikely with the rugby only now becoming an issue) I would've thought it quite possible to do both.

Seeline · 06/03/2019 09:18

If he gets in at 6, that still leaves probably 2 hours at least for homework and eating. Assuming he is at secondary, this is perfectly reasonable.

trulybadlydeeply · 06/03/2019 09:18

Does his football change to a Sunday at any point? Around here after a certain age most older teams play on a Sunday. If so could you reach a compromise with the school that he will play rugby after that?

Either way, email the head of rugby and ask to discuss with them.

ChicCroissant · 06/03/2019 09:18

So he wants to do it? It is you that doesn't want him to join the team?

LIZS · 06/03/2019 09:18

Getting home at 6pm is not that late and still leaves time for study. You sound a bit ott.

hellojason · 06/03/2019 09:19

Answer the question OP ! Is this a private school he goes to? A state school cannot 'force' a child to do this sort of thing. Just say no.

IceRebel · 06/03/2019 09:19

when he does rugby he gets home nearly 6 pm

I wouldn't consider that late. He could easily have several hours at home to do studies / relax before bed, depending on his age.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 06/03/2019 09:20

6pm? Crikey!

Given that the training and matches will enhance his social life and he still gets a couple of hours an evening to eat and work, you might find yourslf on the worng end of a resentful teen if you continue to push.

Use your worry to guide him into good time management instead!

gambaspilpil · 06/03/2019 09:21

My DS plays Rugby at school , training every Friday after school, training or match on Saturday morning and he does club rugby on a Sunday. If the school told me he was good at football and wanted him to play I would say yes. His school are particularly strong in sports so if they thought he had talent I would happily support my Ds. It doesn’t sound like your DS has a problem with it.

Yogagirl123 · 06/03/2019 09:22

My DH was not forced into his schools rugby team as such, but it had huge advantages for him as often small misdemeanours at school were overlooked as a result! 😂 as if he had a detention the rules were he would be banned to play in the next match. Headteacher was a huge rugby fan, wanted him in the team.

Cloudtree · 06/03/2019 09:24

Just wait OP. Cricket training will probably kick in soon for next season. It has already started at my DSs school. Compulsory nets training starts at 7.30 am. Plus a night after school. That's on top of this seasons sport which is still ongoing and already involves one evening of training plus one lunchtime plus every saturday.

Its part of being at a private school.

SardineQueenII · 06/03/2019 09:25

It doesn't seem right that they can force children (and parents) to do stuff out of school hours?

What if there were issues with shift work / or similar I mean theres loads of situations where it would be tricky or impossible, if they live somewhere without much public transport and etc?

Seems really odd.

Do girls schools /the girls at the school have to do this as well?

4merlyknownasSHD · 06/03/2019 09:26

It sounds to me as if this is really more of a problem for the OP than her DS. Rugby won't go on beyond the end of the term, so missing 5 more games of football isn't going to be the end of the world. If he is good at Rugby, who knows where it will lead. My DS's friend was in the same position when he moved to a local Secondary School that was very good at Rugby. He wound up playing for English Universities and played National 1 Semi-Professional Rugby. As
for our DSs, I always felt that an introduction to as many sports as possible was good for them. They may be very good at a sport they have never tried before (one DS had an England trial at U16) and the other one played 2nd XV for a National 1 club. The OPs son just may find that he prefers Rugby after playing a few matches and it would surely be a shame to cut off that avenue too soon. It is part of his education and, IMHO, education should broaden the mind.

Vagndidit · 06/03/2019 09:28

I'm guessing due to the radio silence from the Op on the question of state v private school, I'm assuming it's the latter, and will get very little sympathy for your choice of a privileged school experience.

That being said, I'd be chuffed if DS showed any talent whatsoever for any sport and the school were so keen to get him stuck in. But he's dyspraxic, cannot kick or throw a ball to save his life, and is horribly discouraged from participating in any sport at his school.

Seeline · 06/03/2019 09:29

Do girls schools /the girls at the school have to do this as well?

In the private sector, yes they do.

Original poster
Nearly47 · 06/03/2019 09:31

@Seeline it is a grammar school and kids need free time. The school gives lots of homework. And he needs some free time too and time with the family. He did it for a few weeks and was completely exhausted. I also think we as a family need at least a day off activities a week.

OP posts: