School forcing my son to play rugby

[Nearly47]

AIBU to think that it is wrong that the school is forcing my DS to compete in the rugby team?
When we joined I new he had to learn how to play and I have no issues with that. But to compete involves staying late at school twice a week and going to games Saturdays mornings plus he already plays football that's the sport he prefers. I am really annoyed and not sure how to proceed.

I'm sorry if this repeats advice already given. The school cannot force the child unless it's a private school and you've entered a contract that if selected will play.
My DD was in a variety of teams including one sport that, although she was good at it, she really didn't enjoy. The matches were bad enough, but she had no desire to attend practice. She asked me to tell the teacher she couldn't/shouldn't do it when in year 8. I said no tell the teacher yourself, but don't make up silly excuses just tell the truth. She did. Teacher was very reasonable and now she doesn't get selected for that sport anymore.
I would offer your DS the same advice. Teachers are not usually cross if the DC are honest with them. It's the messing about that my DD was proposing that is annoying.

Well presumably it is an easy filter for disabled and disadvantaged people. But it's definitely not a myth.

Possibly for women / girls as well.

Do as many of them compete as boys.

What a fucking disgraceful system.

If that is true and they are publishing it, they need to be reported.

Tinkly you need to name and shame those companies please.

Gosh disorganisedmum, sounds like the ones who were rejected had a very lucky escape with that employer if they thought training for a sport showed more roundedness and dedication. They sound dreadful.

Actually laughing at how that conversation would go with me.

"I think we should recruit X because he got up every morning at 5am to train"
"Don't be a wanker, recruit the best one for the job, not the one who used training as an excuse not to get a part time job"

I don't necessarily think being a captain of a sports team is necessarily important for uni or job applications per se, but it sure does help with answering widely used competency based questions about leadership skills, teamwork, commitment, problem solving and dedication, and more importantly, it helps children develop those skills.

Tinkly you need to name and shame those companies please.

Gosh I can't remember; it was a couple of years ago. It was for Management Consultancy type grad schemes though. Possibly via a recruitment agency?

DS never played county level sport, (though he runs and cycles and is very fit) so he was very put off. I think he applied anyway. We joked at the time they were filtering out the wrong sort of people who had somehow sneaked into a decent Uni and wangled a 2.1 (DS being a prime example).

We have an obesity epidemic. All children should do sport YABU

@Ivegotthree

"We have an obesity epidemic. All children should do sport YABU"

How can you so spectacularly miss the point of the thread? OPs son does plenty of sport by the sounds of it.

This is not an anti-sport thread.

My DS attends a boy's grammar that takes rugby VERY seriously and they would actively encourage a child with natural talent to pursue it. They also do ridiculous amounts of training (on pitch and in the gym) and weekends are taken up with matches that can take hours to get to. Our school has it as compulsory in games only for the first term of yr 7. Luckily my DS was rubbish at rugby and hated it and dropped it straight away for Hockey. He was being asked to play a match recently even though he has a broken foot! I said no.

I get the pressure to join the team, I also understand that some children really don't want to 'upset' a teacher, but you just need to write a simple email to the rugby coach or sports dept. saying it won't work for him or you due to existing commitments. They can't force him do do it outside of Games.

IveGotThree

Should all children be forced to do Rugby twice a week after school and on Saturdays though.

It will fuck all the other sports for a start.

I suppose as a nation we'll be even better at rugby though.

Who needs cyclists, swimmers etc and so on.

OP I’m sorry you are getting a hard time. I’m your position I would tell the school he isn’t playing and tell your son there’s nothing the school can do to him.

The pps saying 6pm isn't too late, DD would be exhausted getting home at that time and then doing an hour's homework. But she's an introvert and finds interacting with people all day exhausting. When she gets in at 3.35, she flops on her bed.

From what you have said can the school force him, no as you have said he chose not to play for several games so that’s your answer.
Rugby can and does open doors to education and jobs, but so can cricket, athletics, hockey, netball etc.
When I’m recruiting people after qualifications and experience I will look at people that have played in a team sport. Been part of a team gives you skills of working together, rugby is great for this as it has a mix of people, that all have a skill that need to come together like the work place. Not all jobs will benefit but in my industry, your working in a team.
Did playing rugby aid my education yes, has it helped me in my career, yes.
My son is on a sports scholarship would he have got that with out playing rugby no. Does he have to train and play yes.

At the secondary academy DD will go to in September, they have compulsory "enrichment activities" every Monday for yrs 7 and 8. So state schools do do this. I don't really see the point.

Sounds like my son's grammar school - they are obsessed with rugby! Luckily for DS (he hates it) he's rubbish at it anyway so never gets picked for the school team. He still has to play every PE lesson all winter though.

Whether they've communicated this to you in advance or not, I suspect they can't legally force him to play after school and at weekends. At DS1's grammar, they do have some Saturday events that are compulsory (founder's day,speech day, open day etc.). But because these are compulsory, they are legally classed as school days that count towards the x number of days that schools are required to open on. Therefore, they get a weekday off in lieu. Their summer holidays always start a good week before other local schools as a result. DS likes this as he gets a full day of extra holiday in exchange for going to speech day for a couple of hours one Saturday. I doubt your son's school are giving him a day off in lieu for each Saturday match, so I doubt they can insist he attends legally.

That said, how many 11/12 year olds would be happy to face down a strapping rugby teacher and insist they are leaving now no matter what when they are being told they must stay? Not many!

a strapping rugby teacher

Possibly a bit of stereotyping going on....?

@PhilomenaButterfly

If the so-called "compulsory" enrichment happens outside core school hours (09:00-15:30), I don't believe they can enforce that.

As far as I know, grammar schools are basically selective state schools so you do get choices. My son plays football for an academy so the school could fuck right off if they asked him to give it up!

@LonelyDadNeedsHelp it does, it happens between 3.25 and 4.10. Thank you, if DD doesn't want to do any of the activities in September, I'll definitely email the school.

I once missed out on my dream job because when I was 11 I never hit a rounders ball, couldn't do the hurdles since I was 0.4 m taller than the hurdles ans fought over in team games as the person NOT to be picked.

OF COURSE NOT since I am a physicist and do you think that my HoD gives a fart about my inability to do team games?

Ironically, the gyms almost a second home in winter.

“When I’m recruiting people after qualifications and experience I will look at people that have played in a team sport.“
I do hope that one of your rejected candidates finds out about this and takes you to a tribunal!

Looking for those who have played in a team sport is likely to be a very good proxy for other characteristics that are protected by law.

You might want to have a think about that.