School forcing my son to play rugby

[Nearly47]

AIBU to think that it is wrong that the school is forcing my DS to compete in the rugby team?
When we joined I new he had to learn how to play and I have no issues with that. But to compete involves staying late at school twice a week and going to games Saturdays mornings plus he already plays football that's the sport he prefers. I am really annoyed and not sure how to proceed.

“Being part of several school teams (especially if he can become a captain or win trophies) is something that universities and employers really like to see“
I don’t know about employers- but universities couldn’t care less.

Employers couldn't give a fuck about sports achievements.

Who said they did? That's really weird.

I mean unless you're going for a job that is sport related obviously!

Sounds a bit disability discrimination as well.

Our interviews are based on competencies related to the job.

Not about whether you were on the swimming team at school in year 8

Is this an old boys network that's being alluded to?

Surely you checked all this out before sending him there though, unless it's in some tiny little addition to the school policy?

Tell him he has to come home straight from school. Tell him you won't take him in a Saturday. Tell school you need him home straight from school every day.

Done.

My DS was asked to come and train with the university rugby team before he was due to start. They had spotted him as someone who they thought would be able to join the team as they had looked through his personal statement. So whilst some don’t care some really do go through personal statements and link potential students to not just sports but drama etc....

Rugby is the superior sport. Just drop the football if you think it’s too much.

“So whilst some don’t care some really do go through personal statements and link potential students to not just sports but drama etc....”

No they really don’t. And it would be wildly unfair if they did.

Rugby is the superior sport. Just drop the football if you think it’s too much

Why should he though? There’s no benefit to anyone having someone on the team who doesn’t want to be there. It’s ok for him to have other interests.

How can they force him?

They aren't going to manhandle him onto the pitch but, as you'e said you do need to check whether you signed up to something that says he has to play if selected.

I don't think you've yet said if this is a private school if it is the snobbery around rugby v football is pathetic, no team sport is better than another

You seem very worried about his schedule, but Sporting kids do learn to manage sports and homework and its a good skill to learn.
I'm normally the first to say I don't like schools nagging kids to do things but in this instance, lots of kids would LOVE to be picked for the team. Some kids go from primary to secondary and see a fall in their level of physical activity and if he's good at a sport and can have a good run about after school and still get home by six then that is something I would have and did encourage for my kids. They made great friends taking part in these things and regularly switched from Rugby to football and taking part was character building for them and made them push themselves. Of course they would have loved a lie in on a Saturday, but once there they really enjoyed it. I think if you say to a child choose one or the other, of course they will choose just one.

Refusing to take part says to him he can pick and choose what to participate in at school, something which might not be to your liking when he starts saying he will do Geography but not maths homework, sets him apart from the other kids and could cause difficulties for him at school because they will percieve him as someone who cannot be relied on to take part. Other, more suitable, opportunities may pass him by.
If its just for 5 weeks, why not try to manage it and see if its possible and then let them know whether it works or not.

Rugby is the superior sport

Why is that?

Because posh kids play rugby and yobs play football.

FFS, what awful, judgemental and plain wrong responses the OP is getting here!

She's not asking for opinions on whether football is better than rugby, or advice on how to manage her family/time, how it will look on his CV or whether he needs to see a GP for low energy! And she doesn't deserve to be grilled on whether it's her son's choice or her choice! Give her some credit please!

She is simply asking whether school can force him to take part in an extra curricular activity.

OP, don't listen to any of the nonsense about conditions/expectations of the school. If it was a private school there might be a contractual obligation, but it isn't, it's a state school (grammar is irrelevant). A state school cannot force any child to take part in extra curricular activities, and certainly cannot force them to miss after school or weekend time doing so.

As one or two (enlightened) others have suggested, just email the school, tell them he won't be taking part. End of. He cannot be punished, he cannot be kicked out of school, doing so would be unlawful. I wouldn't even waste your time requesting/reading policies, there will be nothing in a policy that can enforce his participation.

And she doesn't deserve to be grilled on whether it's her son's choice or her choice!

Well it was a reasonable question given the OP didn’t elaborate....

"Being part of several school teams (especially if he can become a captain or win trophies) is something that universities and employers really like to see"

Not sure about universities but it is absolute bullshite that employers care about this. Honestly, we dont care if you were school prefect at the age of 9 or able to chuck an egg shaped ball around at 15. If anything, including this just looks like a very desperate attempt at padding out a crap CV IMO.

Op surely they can't have a policy that kids must compete if the school deems them good enough. You need to be more assertive if your DS genuinely doesn't want to do it. Is he perhaps telling the trainer something different so he doesn't feel on the spot?

They aren't forcing him though?
Sounds like he's keen to do both, the school are keen for him to be on the rugby team too so they're colluding to persuade you!
Let him do it!

It does sound like you're using the word "force" very loosely, OP.

School are telling him he has to do it because they want to encourage their best players to pursue sports.

He is agreeing to do it because a) he doesn't want to say no to a teacher or b) he doesn't want to admit to you that he wants to do it

You are agreeing to it because you don't want to say no to a teacher.

“Not sure about universities but it is absolute bullshite that employers care about this”
I am sure about Universities-except for degrees in sports related subjects, obviously. So that’s both myths thorough knocked on the head.

Bloody Mumsnet. No one ever seems to understand that school are not the boss of you.

Op just use your words and say NO. They can't force you. Good opportunity to teach your son the value of not mindlessly conforming

My son does two sports; football for a local team and club running. He trains or competes in one or the other pretty much every day of the week. He's a whip thin, wiry Y8 and is actually quite pone to overtiring himself.

He's recently been hauled into the school football team and I really feel the extra activity is too much. Last Monday he had a very full on PE lesson, played football for the school then did 90 minutes training with his athletics club. Its too much, he was visibly tired on Tuesday. Fitting a match and another couple of training sessions in will be exhausting. Apparently they are also eyeing him up for the rugby. He is not a fan of rugby. Thing is, sporty kids often shine across the board at sports but they can't do them all.

Sports people need to rest as well as train, probably more so when they are growing. Playing for the school comes lower on DS's list than playing for his current team or running and he also wants to find time for things like stem club.

I don't think your stance is at all unreasonable OP.

To be fair, when DS1 was jobhunting, a couple of grad schemes stated they were looking for kids with X points at A level and county level sport.
its not a myth.

Employers couldn't give a fuck about sports achievements.

not strictly true. I have recruited quite a few graduates for various companies, so no experience whatsoever. For an equal degree, employers did prefer the ones who have been part of the competitive team, because their training was intense, things like up at 5am every day to train. These young people were obviously more dedicated, more rounded than the others.

Once you have a few years experience below your belt, it matters much less, but it's still worth having. At least in my experience.

She is simply asking whether school can force him to take part in an extra curricular activity

And the answer is no. They can moan and cajole and guilt trip but so what?

If I were paying private school fees I wouldn't stand for being told what to do in my private time, either. I'd say you owe the state sector more, not less, than the private sector, given you are getting something for nothing (I know we pay taxes but you're not paying directly). But I still wouldn't have the school telling my family how to spend our weekends.

“a couple of grad schemes stated they were looking for kids with X points at A level and county level sport.
its not a myth“
Well, unless it was for a sports related job, they were acting illegally.

Grad schemes

Is not the same as

Employers full stop

Which is what was claimed

Where does this leave kids with physical disabilities or even disadvantages
If they are looked over for jobs when they have the requisite qualifications and so forth

I think this is alluding to school tie / old boys network stuff

I think that stuff is shit

Far fewer girls play rugby so if being on the rugby team gets you jobs it's sexist as well