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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School forcing my son to play rugby

301 replies

Nearly47 · 06/03/2019 08:05

AIBU to think that it is wrong that the school is forcing my DS to compete in the rugby team?
When we joined I new he had to learn how to play and I have no issues with that. But to compete involves staying late at school twice a week and going to games Saturdays mornings plus he already plays football that's the sport he prefers. I am really annoyed and not sure how to proceed.

OP posts:
Hersetta427 · 06/03/2019 09:32

State boys School near us has compulsory rugby for year 7. One session before school at 7.30, once after school and Saturday mornings. Not sure what happens if you don't go. It's our top choice for dd when he goes to secondary but really don't want him playing this much rugby (they have a-g teams as well)

WorraLiberty · 06/03/2019 09:32

They didn't select him for a couple of months but now indicated interest in him continuing in the rugby for the next year and selected him to play this week.

So how/when is the 'forcing' taking place?

It sounds to me (and obviously I could be wrong), as though it might be your son indicating to them that he'd really like to play, but you won't let him.

Have a proper word with the school.

IncrediblySadToo · 06/03/2019 09:34

Your mindset of ‘too much’ & ‘not enough time’ is the issue here. Your mind would be blown if you lived here.

That aside. You still haven’t answered whether it’s state or private. Or what you agreed to when you accepted a place at the school.

JacquesHammer · 06/03/2019 09:34

When do you break up for Easter OP? The schools rugby season finishes then.

Let him try it for a few weeks, IF he enjoys it and manages then great. If he finds it too much you can get in touch with the school and say "he tried it but it doesn't work for him"

CuriousaboutSamphire · 06/03/2019 09:34

Grammar school? Then this is what you signed up for.

Yes, he will find it tiring to start off with.

Yes, you as a fiamly will need to adjust.

You will all need better time management if he is to get the very most out of his schooling.

But that is part and parcel of the privilege of a grammar shcool education!

Sirzy · 06/03/2019 09:35

So he wants to do both. She he isn’t being forced to do it. Infact he is being forced by you not to do it!

JacquesHammer · 06/03/2019 09:37

Grammar school? Then this is what you signed up for

Not necessarily! The OP needs to check school policy.

Seeline · 06/03/2019 09:37

All the other boys on hte team will be getting hte same amount of homework, and I bet that most of them play another sport and/or play an instrument/play in an orchestra/do scouts as well.

My DSs school maintain that hte boys who have multiple interests/activities are the ones that do best academically because they learn how to manage their time as well as having a break from their studies.

Original poster
Nearly47 · 06/03/2019 09:40

About the timing issue. School recommends 1.5 hours homework everyday. It takes him longer sometimes as he works slowly, gets distracted. Believe me when I say is feasible to keep both sports going and have a balanced life. I know of some families that are happy living frim match to match but that's not how I want to live neither does DS. He was constantly complaining when he had to play rugby Saturdays. He never complains about going to football.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nearly47 · 06/03/2019 09:41
  • is not feasible
OP posts:
JacquesHammer · 06/03/2019 09:45

OP you still haven't answered how they are "forcing" him to play and what the school's policy is.

Original poster
Nearly47 · 06/03/2019 09:45

I give up. My son told me to email them to get him out of rugby. More than once. His attitude to rugby is it's fun but he doesn't to do it three times a week and definitelynot Saturday morning. The forcing happens when the PE teacher tells him that he MUST attend training and compete. He is an obedient boy and is terrified of going against the teacher and getting punished.

OP posts:
CuriousaboutSamphire · 06/03/2019 09:45

Not necessarily! The OP needs to check school policy. Oops! I sort of meant generally... things are always doifferent in grammar schools, families have to work around the school's requirements., it's part of the contract!

I should have been more careful in my wording!

CuriousaboutSamphire · 06/03/2019 09:46

My son told me to email them to get him out of rugby. That is THE FIRST TIME you have answered that question clearly. You might have had different answers had you said that on page 1!

Original poster
Nearly47 · 06/03/2019 09:48

And the PE teacher mentions that he is good at rugby at every email he sends me.

OP posts:
JacquesHammer · 06/03/2019 09:48

*Oops! I sort of meant generally... things are always doifferent in grammar schools, families have to work around the school's requirements., it's part of the contract!

I should have been more careful in my wording!*

Ah sorry, I see what you mean! Yes I absolutely agree that if the school has that policy, then the OP has to make it work because they accepted the place and everything that goes with it.

Just wanted to make a point as I'm a rugby coach and have been into various schools (private/grammar) and none have the policy of compulsory extra-curricular sport.

Original poster
Nearly47 · 06/03/2019 09:49

I did say he chose football over rugby. But it seems people think I am not telling the truth.

OP posts:
SardineQueenII · 06/03/2019 09:53

A state school then -

I didn't know they could make you do stuff like this.

I don't have a boy at secondary though so how would I!

Interested if they make the girls do stuff on Saturdays as well OP.

In general I don't think it's on for a school to insist children give up weekend time on the regular.

JacquesHammer · 06/03/2019 09:54

I did say he chose football over rugby. But it seems people think I am not telling the truth

In your first post you said "that's the sport he prefers" - people were responding to that, that wasn't a definite "he doesn't want to do rugby at all".

As I said let him do it for a few weeks, then you can decline the place.

Have they said there will be consequences if he doesn't play?

howabout · 06/03/2019 09:56

Stop getting involved and get your DS to stand up for himself - I thought that was the point of competitive contact sports like rugby.

My 7 yo is refusing to do gymnastics in PE atm due to a skint knee. She is so stubborn there is no way I or a teacher could force her to participate. Her older sisters are in their final years. They have had to say NO to lots of sporting, musical, enrichment, volunteering and academic opportunities over the years. It is a Life Lesson and the more you step in the less able they are to choose and the more they will blame you / and or teachers for the outcome.

chocaholic73 · 06/03/2019 10:00

I remember attending an open evening for Year 6 parents at our local part selective (state) school. The Head made it totally clear that families were signing up to putting the school (and everything involved with it) first and anything else a very definite second. I suspect there is a similar expectation with your DS's school.

FloofyDoof · 06/03/2019 10:00

My son (now 20) went to a school that did this, I think it was the first 2 terms that it was compulsory for all boys to attend Saturday morning rugby, then just those selected for the team. Plus the school sports field was around 4 miles away outside the town. I didn't drive either, so really bloody awkward and took up half of Saturday. It was worth it for the really good (state) school though, and we were told about it (and the ridiculous amount of required sports kit) before he started.

If it's really not doable then I'd ask to speak to someone at school about it.

MeAgainAgain · 06/03/2019 10:03

"The Head made it totally clear that families were signing up to putting the school (and everything involved with it) first and anything else a very definite second."

This is a terrible attitude.

There are loads of things that should come ahead of the school.

Blinkingblimey · 06/03/2019 10:04

Is it a state grammar or a private grammar?... I’m aware sometimes people fudge between the two but quite obviously there’s a difference. Either way you must have known in advance and after looking round your schooling options that this was the deal at this particular school. If it’s a state grammar you may have more wiggle room to request your dc does no more than the compulsory games sessions that are timetabled. If it’s private then I think your son may just have to suck it up.

LIZS · 06/03/2019 10:09

But that is probably the sport he prefers because he has done it previously. Rugby is a more recent introduction and the social mix will be different if it based around school. Several boys have probably played at clubs or prep schools for years and he is still catching up. Do you support, go along and watch? Maybe if you met the coach face to face it would be easier to explain the dilemma. I would also warn you that football can equally dominate the week if he plays at higher level so either way his , and your, spare time will change.

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