To ask what questions your dcs asked which left you lost for words??

[trebless]

So 7 year old dd strutted into the long room and said the following:

'Mum you know I never ever want a boyfriend, I never want to be married and I do not want to have babies so that means I'm gonna live with you forever and ever and ever'.....

Me: 'Oh well that would be lovely sweetheart but you might cha.....'

Dd interrupting me 'but not really forever because you are going to get old and then you will be dead. I'll probably ask Lexie (her cousin) to come live with me then. I'm having your room though'

No words from me to reply. Somehow proud of her forward thinking though

My DS asked:

What is a fetish? (He'd seen the word on the Kat Von D counter )

And in the same shopping trip

What are kinky boots? (Saw an advert for it)

The people around me each time seemed to think it was very funny. I think my face looked like all at the same time

A selection of the questions I was asked one (very long) day by my 3 year old:
Do trees have babies?
Where does the sun go at night time?
Does God have a mummy and daddy?
Who gets Father Christmas his presents?
Why don't snowmen have feet?
Why can't penguins fly?

DS, then 2 or 3: What does gay mean?
Me, elbows deep in dirty dishes, suddenly feeling very important and crowned with this sacred duty to bestow upon my toddler liberal open-mindedness and respect for all, whirling around and taking a seat: Well... you know how we love each other... well, firstly there’s different types of love, like Mommy and Daddy love each other in a grown up kind of way, not the same way that i love you - though I do love you very much! ...Anyway... (DS is looking confused, I’m floundering but damnit my kid shall be woke) ... well. Basically a man can love a man, or a woman can have a wedding with a woman... (painfully stagger on for another minute or so) ...And THAT is what gay means!
DS, looking thoroughly exasperated: NO, mummy. What does GATE mean?

In a toilet cubicle with a very young DD who asked at top volume, "Mum, when I grow old will I have a hairy bottom like you?"

I hid in there for another 10 minutes to make sure everyone who might have heard had left before we came out.

My DS, 11, asked me what it meant to wank yourself off 😱😱

And your reply was....?!

I replied it was playing with your privates then hastily said goodnight!

Good swerve! A masterclass in parenting right there.

DD came out with "where's my daddy?" aged 22 months when we were watching television. Obviously I knew we were going to have that conversation sooner or later, I just wasn't expecting it so early and at that particular moment. I was just about to come out with my prepared, honest but age-appropriate explanation in accordance with all the literature that I'd read on the subject, when she said "Can I watch Peppa?". And that was the end of the subject (until the next time).

Some real gems here! My prize goes to the earnest penis-explaining dad!

DS(4) to my very heavily pregnant friend: ‘Can I have a look for the baby’s head?’

Again, DS, several weeks ago: ‘If this is the world and it’s a ball, why don’t we fall off?’
Cue extensive discussion about gravity that I was definitely not awake enough for. Gravity not mentioned since, until tonight (in my bed for a treat as DH is on a night shift, and he wanted to swap sides with DS2(1)):

Me: No, DS2 can’t go on that side, he needs the side with the rail or he’ll fall out.
DS1: No he won’t, he’ll stay in bed because of gravity.
Me: No idiot child, gravity will make him fall out if he gets too close to the edge...
DS1: No Mummy, not the world’s gravity! The gravity from your boobs!!’ They aren’t actually the size of planets, so I assume he’s just noticed that DS2 is in fact more attached to them than to anything else in life.

My brothers partner was having a baby. My then 5 year old was very concerned how it was going to get out as there was no door

How does an apple stick together?
(DS was 5 I think).

Not a question but Christ, I was confused!

DD: I made a poster today
Me: ooo of what?
DD: a murder scene
DD: 😐. Erm.... right. Do you want explain a bit more?
DD: Well. I drew a lifeboat
Me: erm..... a murder lifeboat scene?
DD: an emergency mummy (eyeroll)!!
Me: that makes more sense....

There had been a school trip to an emergency services museum the week before

Dd had some frackers when younger.

"Why can't we set the sun to come up when we want it to?"

"I wish I only needed one hour sleep its so boring"

Upon being told about periods and yes I did correct the mistaken impression I'd clearly unwittingly given her

"Well I'm not having them. They sound like far too much trouble" not saying she's wrong!

On adult relationships

"Well I'll have a boyfriend and he'll be useful for children but I don't want to live with a boy, they're messy and lazy" again not so sure she's wrong.

Justmuddlingalong - dds spooked me a few times. When little she would talk a lot to a "wee old man" that was invisible, when I got a description out of her AND she did a drawing he was uncannily like my granda who'd died long before she was born, some of the things she said he'd said fit too - inc some idioms with his own "twist" or wrong way of saying them that he used. She did it once telling my mum to calm down over a worry she'd be late for something, a muddled up version of a saying he used to say all the time in the muddled way. Mum went white!! (He was her dad).

She's also known shortcuts in places she's never been before.

She also said a few times that sometimes her big sisters and big brother were with the "wee old man" (I lost 3 before dd, never told her till she was much older), he'd always adored children. Apparently they were fake laughing at his cheesy knock knock jokes - this was something he was known for. She mentioned knock knock jokes in front of my bro once and he straight away went "granda?" Apparently his boy did similar, "the silly old man is telling really bad knock knock jokes dad".

Decried on mn, but I believe granda is around keeping an eye on the great grandkids.

Sprouts - point him in my direction I've been cooking veggie + omnivore meals for over 20 years.

Omgineedanamechange - sounds like a not daft dd!

On "I'm not that old" comments

Dd to my mum "so when you learned to drive did granda do the walking in front of the car with the flag?"

"Granny were you allowed to touch granda when you danced together before you were married?" (They clearly did more than that given she was 4 months pregnant with me when they got married 😂)

Mum's only early 70's now! Baby boomer!

To me:

"Were you excited when telly got invented?"

"Can you remember how to do the twist?"

"Was rationing really horrible?"

Reply
"I'm 35 ask your gran!"
I'm only 46 now ffs!

Although sweeneytodds dgm is clearly the oldest nanny out the bunch at over 2000 years old 😂😂😂

Crackers not frackers

Just remembered on relationships:

Mummy can you go out with my teacher?
Me I don't think DH would be too happy about that and he's your teacher so that's not appropriate and he's half my age.
DD Mummy its fine, you can have a boyfriend and a DH you just can't marry them both.

DS Mummy I think the Headmaster is in love with you and wants to trade up his wife to you. The question is do you want to trade up DH? 😱
DD immediately adds DS would the Headmaster be Mummy trading up or trading down, he's not very intelligent is he as he always says its been a amazing week at school which shows he's a bad liar. I think she would be trading down. Mummy would the Headmaster be trading up or down?
This is all in a restaurant with DH there and lots of other local people. 😳
Had to explain you don't trade people and am married to DH and Headmaster is married.

That's hilarious penguins

Very small niece once asked a completely bald, 90-ish 2nd husband of Dgm, where his hair had gone.

He said, 'I don't know - where do you think?'

Niece thought for a moment - 'Up to Jesus?'
Cue much hilarity - he was a jolly old boy.

Latest one from dd this morning in the playground waiting in the line

'Mummy have you ever lived in a crack house?'

Me: 'what??? No sssshhhhh'

Dd 'good because I never ever want to live in a crack house either, I hope we never move to a crack house'

Silence.......

Dd 'would you want to live in a crack house if you could?'

Me: 'Nope, ok darling you are going in now, have a lovely day'

Just drove home and realised she's talking about the empty old derelict house that we pass every morning.....that's covered in cracks

DD1 once said she wanted to be a farmer when she grew up, cue speech from me that it was really hard work and she'd have to save up to buy a farm and go to college for the right skills etc etc.

DD1. Oh no, it'll be much easier than that. I'll marry a farmer.

Well yes, that probably would be the easiest way.

Sitting with DD, aged about 8, watching one of those nature documentaries. Footage of two ducks mating appears on the screen. DD looks round at me.

"Mummy, do people mate the same way ducks do?"

Me (caught unawares but determined to be factual) "Er - well, yes, pretty much."

DD: "Does the daddy always go on top?"

Me (starting to sweat a bit): "Yes, I suppose so..."

DD: "Isn't he heavy?"

Before I could think what to say she gave me a beautiful smile, said, "I expect you've forgotten, haven't you?" and went back to the television.

DD1 approximately 3 at the time when we were driving past the churchyard:

I can see Granddad (dead long before she was born) climbing out of his hole.

I put my foot down!

@Graphista females on her side of the family do have a history of longevity

My nephew when he was about four, "Where is your baby?" I chose not to have children.

"You put him in the ground." No, never been pregnant.

This is puzzling, could be upsetting, and I'm wondering what and who he's been half listening to.

Another nephew asked when on telly a very obese man was being interviewed, "How many babies has he got in his tummy?"