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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or do you not leave kids unattended at a birthday party?

999 replies

Dumbodog · 04/03/2019 19:01

Unless you've discussed it with the host beforehand?

DS 4th birthday party at a soft play on Saturday. 12 invited, mix of friends from nursery and friends from our street. However parents were free to bring siblings and pay normal entry fee for them. All fine.

The eldest of one of the mum's from nursery (her younger sibling was invited) came running over to me crying about 20 mins in to the party and tells me her mum told her to come to me if she needed anything. I continued looking for her mum and she then tells me that mummy has gone to the shops. I wasn't too bothered at that point, thought she perhaps needed something urgently although still should have let me know. Her DD was fine and went back off to play with her sister.

Half an hour later she still wasn't back and the invited kids were going into the party room for food. Her eldest DD was crying because she couldn't come in and she was now being left in the play area unsupervised. I let the staff know the situation at this point. I found the mum's RSVP text and tried calling her (not friendly with her other than to say hello to at nursery) and there was no answer. I tried on and off for the next hour!

The party came to an end and she still wasn't back and still wasn't returning my call. The staff said they could keep the kids but would have to call the police. I thought this was the best scenario as I obviously couldn't take them with me, and god forbid if anything had happened to their mum then at least the police would find out.

I received a call from the mum about half an hour after I got home and she was shouting and bawling at me! She couldn't believe I over reacted so much and just left her kids as she'd only gone to get her hair done. Apparently I should've known she would be back. She was livid the police had been called and they gave her a talking to about leaving the kids without telling anyone and she was lucky social services hadn't been called. But again, apparently I should've known she'd be back and I could've at least taken the kids home with me instead of "showing her up" like that. She said she thought others would also leave their kids, as if I was a bloody babysitter! She hung up on me when I tried to tell her that how could I possibly know she'd have been back when I didn't even know she'd gone until her kid told me. What if something happened to her? Or the kids while she was gone? What if she just never came back? She told me I was batshit and hung up Grin

So, AIBU or does she deserve a cheeky fucker award?!

OP posts:
InfiniteCurve · 04/03/2019 21:38

Why is leaving 2 children, one of whom she hardly knows and the other whom she doesn't know at all in the care of soft play staff, presumably well trained in what to do in this kind of situation and also - presumably - not prone to unkindness to children, an uncaring and callous decision?
Why would the DC be any happier with OP ( who they don't know) than with soft play staff, who they also don't know?
It's not as if OP left them in the park in their own or waiting in the street...

Original poster
Dumbodog · 04/03/2019 21:39

mathanxiety There was an hour between the party finishing and the time my mum had to leave for work. Party finished at 4, mum leaves at 5. So should I have left 2 hours?

OP posts:
Dippypippy1980 · 04/03/2019 21:39

The mum was in the wrong but I would have handled it differently.

The mum should have chatted to you before she left, and once it was clear you weren’t going to supervise her other child she shouldn’t have left her. She also should have returned to the party on time - and you should have made it very clear on th invites that you would not be able to facilitate late pick ups so children would be left aloneness if the centre if they weren’t collected promptly.

THe mum must have been very late to necessitate you leaving and the police being involved. Parties rarely end exactly when they are supposed to and I would have waited half an our before I started TRying to contact other shcool mums to see if anyone knew her well.

I think you are getting a hard time beciase you haven’t shown much concern for the children - who I could never have left with the staff.

But hopefully the children won’t go to the same primary school and you won’t have to interact further with this mum.

MTGGirl · 04/03/2019 21:40

Come on ppl! She left them in staff care who had procedures for this kind of situation. She didn't leave the kids in a forest all alone!
OP- this was the perfect and only solution in this case. The fact that she had the nerve to call you raging is another matter. I also would suggest telling the nursery and raising with CS. The kids won't feel anything from that, but she will have to answer some questions and be in an awkward situation. She deserves it!

Poppylizzyrose · 04/03/2019 21:40

Op did the right thing, she told staff, she didn’t just leave the children. I’m only on page one and some posters are so rude! What if the parent had said she’d kidnapped her children?! You can’t just take other children home who you barely know... calling the police and leaving them after telling a member of staff was the correct action. It isn’t about saving face, the op has to think seriously, leaving a child with a worker with an up to date dsb (safety check) after calling the mother over and over again and I’m sure doing a fair bit of waiting is fair enough.

What if ops mother is older and struggling with the 6month old? So many things to consider.

Going to read back and hope some other posters see it the way I do. Flowers

Uptheapplesandpears · 04/03/2019 21:41

Dear me there are some barrels being scraped here.

Girlinstripedpyjamas · 04/03/2019 21:41

Not unreasonable AT ALL. And some of you saying she is are showing how unreasonable people can be. Abandoning kids for a haircut and ignoring phone? Totally unacceptable

RaffertyFair · 04/03/2019 21:42

The party came to an end and she still wasn't back and still wasn't returning my call. The staff said they could keep the kids but would have to call the police.

No mention of waiting after the end of the party .....

fraggle500 · 04/03/2019 21:44

You absolutely did the right thing!
I can't believe how many people think it's ok to not take responsibility for your own children.
I had some thing similar happen to me... took many years of CF mother giving excuses as to why she couldn't pick her child up on time... broken down car in the pub... left purse in supermarket with new fella interview ran over taking substances and so it went on. I felt sorry for the child, feed him, had him stay the night etc
He got taken in to care - I wish I'd spoken up sooner or certainly not minimised and enabled this behaviour

Original poster
Dumbodog · 04/03/2019 21:45

Why on earth should I have waited for a woman that shouldn't have left in the first place?! IME, you don't leave 3-5 year olds. I feel for those kids, I really do, but I couldn't wait around.

OP posts:
Bookworm4 · 04/03/2019 21:46

The so called mother left her elder child at a soft play, pointed out a stranger and told her to go to her, never told OP the child was there. This is child endangerment.
The not feeding her is irrelevant, this woman abandoned her child, she could have been abducted, walked into the steeet, injured herself, endless list, I would report to SS, these kids are not safe.

Goldmandra · 04/03/2019 21:46

I'm intrigued to know what people think the OP would have brought to the situation by sticking around.

She was a stranger to the children, as were the venue staff.

The children were safe and happy, playing in the soft play room.

The staff had the same information as the OP had and had expressed their intention to keep the children safe and contact the police. That needed to happen whether the OP stayed or not.

How would she have helped by staying around and making her mother late for work?

Michaelbaubles · 04/03/2019 21:46

you should have made it very clear on th invites that you would not be able to facilitate late pick ups so children would be left aloneness if the centre if they weren’t collected promptly

Totally unnecessary. The party ends when it ends. You take your children home at that time. NOBODY doesn’t know that.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 04/03/2019 21:50

Frankly the mother isn’t feckless and cheeky,and blaming you for her shortcomings
As a student I worked in a shop,after lunchtime rush we spot a kid playing alone,no adult
We looked,made announcement in store parents of toddler pls come to main desk,etc
1 Hour passes we call police,child taken away ad we were left with a contact name and crime ID
Parents rocked up from pub lunch,bawling,roaring,effing how dare we call police
They maintained we’d over reacted,not apologetic,don’t know how it ended other than they’d to go collect child from police

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 04/03/2019 21:51

Frankly the mother is feckless and cheeky,and blaming you for her shortcomings

PreseaCombatir · 04/03/2019 21:53

Your all acting like the op left the kids shivering on the street corner.
She couldn’t wait, staff had procedures in place, and the situation was dealt with. Negligent mother reported for being negligent. Good.

Poppylizzyrose · 04/03/2019 21:56

Glad a lot of people share my view op!

She was a cf you are not and did completely the right thing, you had to get home to your baby! You caring enough but yours and your own Mum proves you aren’t a cf!

Strokethefurrywall · 04/03/2019 21:56

you should have made it very clear on th invites that you would not be able to facilitate late pick ups so children would be left aloneness if the centre if they weren’t collected promptly

Fuck me. Do you know people this thick that they require this spelling out to them? If so, they shouldn't be having children. Jesus. How much hand holding do people need...

MrsJDornan · 04/03/2019 21:56

Completely agree with you op, the mum is a CF and you done what you could, she shouldn't of just left them, I always stayed with my son at that age but if I would've left I'd of made sure the parent had my contact number and knew I was off

Not only did she leave them without letting you know she was back late and wasn't answering her phone, I hope the call from the police made her think

Bibijayne · 04/03/2019 21:57

For what it's worth OP, I'd have done the same as you. You had other children (including a newborn) to look after. There should be some DBS checked staff at the softplay and the police were on there way.

WoollyMummoth · 04/03/2019 21:57

I would have done exactly what you did op. No way would I be taking a strangers kids home. That’s just mental.
There was nothing wrong with leaving them with the staff, it’s not your job to be their surrogate mother until their useless piece of shit mother bothers to turn up.

Poppylizzyrose · 04/03/2019 21:58

Auto type made my spelling look shocking.

You caring enough about your Mum and your baby prove you aren’t a cf. she had work, what if she was on last warning? No one knows other people’s struggles. The other Mum was a complete twat frankly and I’d have done the same. X

thedisorganisedmum · 04/03/2019 21:58

Let it be a lesson for all the CF parents who think a party is free babysitting - but not even asking takes the biscuit.

How can a parent be so casual about little ones and their safety!

OP, I am not sure many people would have dare doing so, but you absolutely did the right thing, I am impressed. Another reason why it's so much better not to host a house party, where you are left with children for hours and there's nothing you can do.

I hope the mother won't neglect her poor kids like that in the future, how dare she.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 04/03/2019 21:59

No,party invites don’t need to explicitly say collect on time,you fuckin numpty
Just in case a feckless parent is at the hairdressers
Reliable,conscientious parents arrive before party finishes to collect their kids

MrsShaff · 04/03/2019 22:00

Ok Let's assume OP waited longer for CF mother, children are happy, CF might've apologised and gone home. She will do the same thing next time in another party and again.
Now she learnt her lesson and won't neglect her kids anymore.
I'm with you OP, you actually did the right thing for her kids.