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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or do you not leave kids unattended at a birthday party?

999 replies

Dumbodog · 04/03/2019 19:01

Unless you've discussed it with the host beforehand?

DS 4th birthday party at a soft play on Saturday. 12 invited, mix of friends from nursery and friends from our street. However parents were free to bring siblings and pay normal entry fee for them. All fine.

The eldest of one of the mum's from nursery (her younger sibling was invited) came running over to me crying about 20 mins in to the party and tells me her mum told her to come to me if she needed anything. I continued looking for her mum and she then tells me that mummy has gone to the shops. I wasn't too bothered at that point, thought she perhaps needed something urgently although still should have let me know. Her DD was fine and went back off to play with her sister.

Half an hour later she still wasn't back and the invited kids were going into the party room for food. Her eldest DD was crying because she couldn't come in and she was now being left in the play area unsupervised. I let the staff know the situation at this point. I found the mum's RSVP text and tried calling her (not friendly with her other than to say hello to at nursery) and there was no answer. I tried on and off for the next hour!

The party came to an end and she still wasn't back and still wasn't returning my call. The staff said they could keep the kids but would have to call the police. I thought this was the best scenario as I obviously couldn't take them with me, and god forbid if anything had happened to their mum then at least the police would find out.

I received a call from the mum about half an hour after I got home and she was shouting and bawling at me! She couldn't believe I over reacted so much and just left her kids as she'd only gone to get her hair done. Apparently I should've known she would be back. She was livid the police had been called and they gave her a talking to about leaving the kids without telling anyone and she was lucky social services hadn't been called. But again, apparently I should've known she'd be back and I could've at least taken the kids home with me instead of "showing her up" like that. She said she thought others would also leave their kids, as if I was a bloody babysitter! She hung up on me when I tried to tell her that how could I possibly know she'd have been back when I didn't even know she'd gone until her kid told me. What if something happened to her? Or the kids while she was gone? What if she just never came back? She told me I was batshit and hung up Grin

So, AIBU or does she deserve a cheeky fucker award?!

OP posts:
HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 04/03/2019 21:21

You should have paid for the sibling, given her food and waited for the mother to show up and spoken to her about it then. Absolutely end of.

How's life in fairyland? Back in the real world the OP did exactly what she should have done. Hmm

PiebaldHamster · 04/03/2019 21:21

The reason the OP is getting a hard time is because she has shown absoutely no care or concern for the children.

Oh, bullshit! Their mother showed no care or concern for the children. If the OP hadn't cared she'd have simply walked off and left them both there, the way their mother did.

HerRoyalNotness · 04/03/2019 21:22

All the posters telling the OP she should have done this and that, won’t someone think of the children? What rubbish. Enabling people like the other mum is what leads to such cheeky fuckery. Why should the OPs mum be late for work because Op had to stay to mind someone else’s kids after trying to get hold of their mother for an hour! No ma’am. Bet the other mum doesn’t pull such a stunt again is a bit more considerate of people around her.

Strokethefurrywall · 04/03/2019 21:22

The reason the OP is getting a hard time is because she has shown absoutely no care or concern for the children.

How do you figure? Because I think leaving them in the care of the softplay staff was pretty fucking caring and concerning. She called the mother repeatedly. Pretty caring and concerning. But thankfully the OP decided that the needs and responsibilities to her own family come first.

And as OP said, the children were left playing and were happy and smiling when she departed. Nowhere does it say they were sobbing and terrified to be greeted by the police. Talk about drama llamas...

sewingbeezer · 04/03/2019 21:24

OP, you did the right thing leaving the kids at the soft play.
The mother hadn't made any prior arrangements with you to take responsibility for them and didn't answer her phone when you tried to contact her. What if she'd been in an accident? I hope she's learnt a valuable lesson about dumping your kids on other people, but I somehow doubt it.

Definitely CF mum and it reminds me of someone I know who wouldn't think twice about leaving her kids with an almost stranger to go off and do something else. She used to leave her 5 and 7 yr old alone in the house while she 'nipped out to the town', a good 5 miles away as we all live quite rurally. We live about a mile from her and I only discovered this by accident when I dropped my youngest DS for a play date. She was putting her coat on and I asked her what she was doing and she mentioned dropping off her teen son in town and getting a few bits from the shops in her way back. Wouldn't be more than 30 mins apparently. I told her I wasn't happy about leaving boys that age alone and she told me they needed to learn independence. I decided to return home with DS.
She home schools her kids now. Although I think that means no school in reality. Hmm

Strokethefurrywall · 04/03/2019 21:24

Lucky your kid is at nursery not school as that would have been something you would never have lived down re the police.

What. The. Absolute. Fuck????

PiebaldHamster · 04/03/2019 21:24

How's life in fairyland?

Exactly! Endless money for extra guests (if the place even allows for them), the grandparent fucking off work or conjuring a taxi to get the baby to her, endless time to sit in a soft play (more money, too) buying more food for the baby (endless supply of nappies, too).

Original poster
Dumbodog · 04/03/2019 21:25

Apologies for not replying to anyone. Hellish bedtime!

Someone presumed I wouldn't host a kids party on my own... why on earth not?! DH was at work all day on Saturday like he normally is (DS's actual birthday was Friday). The party was a piece of piss apart from the CF drama!

It was genuinely the staff that said the sibling couldn't join the party room. I only booked their small room and with 12 kids plus parents in there, it was packed. Sibling got over it fairly quickly and went off to play again.

They were both playing when I left them. The staff assured me they had measures in place to deal with the situation and that the kids would be out of the loop until they absolutely had to be brought in to it. They had my number in case the police wanted to contact me (which they did).

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 04/03/2019 21:26

Where I live, nobody stays for parties. It is assumed the hosts have enough help. Nobody brings siblings either.

This woman was a cf though, to just leave her kids there without telling you that you were her babysitter.

PiebaldHamster · 04/03/2019 21:28

You did the right thing, Dumb, bet the staff see this happen all the time.

Alittlebitofthat · 04/03/2019 21:29

OP for what it’s worth I 100% think you did the right thing. From the other mothers response I would wonder how often has she done this before and people have just brought her kids home with them. I bet she won’t pull that stunt again. If she’d spoken to you, asked was it ok to keep an eye on the older one etc you’d have been able to reiterate that she must be back at a certain time as you prob would have let her away with a bit of CF behaviour and let the older one stay. The number of people blaming the OP is staggering I cannot believe there are so many people that would agree with taking the piss like this. Because if you think it’s ok for this woman to do it then you must think it would be ok to do yourself....

mathanxiety · 04/03/2019 21:29

Posted too soon .....

... you were a CF too. You overreacted and made decisions that were callous and intended only to prove a point.

RaffertyFair · 04/03/2019 21:30

Because I think leaving them in the care of the softplay staff was pretty fucking caring and concerning.

It's the bare minimum.

I accept that OP says she had no alternative. But no hardly evidence of concern or emotional response to the children who have a shit mother and were left in a public place.

gamerchick · 04/03/2019 21:30

The fact she assumed you would take them home suggests she has form. You did the right thing because if she does have form for it she might think twice next time now all the other parents will know one person had the bottle to say 'no, not having it. Even if she does make herself out to be the victim.

Strokethefurrywall · 04/03/2019 21:30

I really want to know why the OP is lucky she's not in primary school @NL82??

What level of hell should OP expect if this happens in a UK primary school? Should she expect a public flogging? Her name dragged through the mud as the mother who Shock didn't look after kids after a party because the mother had fucked off to get her hair done?

Are parents really this fucked up and stupid that they can't see that the only person to blame here is the mother? Really?

FrozenMargarita17 · 04/03/2019 21:31

You did the right thing OP

PiebaldHamster · 04/03/2019 21:31

... you were a CF too. You overreacted and made decisions that were callous and intended only to prove a point.

Did you miss the part that she couldn't hang around because she needed to pick up her baby as her mother needed to go to work? She couldn't hang around. Hmm

mathanxiety · 04/03/2019 21:33

You cut it too close with your arrangements with your mum. You should always leave at least an hour between the stated end of a party you host and the next thing you have to do.

viques · 04/03/2019 21:34

I don't think you were wrong to leave the children with police. Anything could have happened to her,. The police might even have been looking for them if she had had an accident. We once had kids left after school, the police eventually called us and said their mothers were in their custody as they had been arrested for shoplifting!

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 04/03/2019 21:34

You should always leave at least an hour between the stated end of a party you host and the next thing you have to do.

Are you literally looking for any excuse to ensure that the OP is to blame? Hmm

Petalflowers · 04/03/2019 21:34

“It’s assumed the host have enough help”. But the host did have enough help. There were only six kids (plus playcentre party host). OP has already stated it was an easy party to run, apart from the abandoned kid situation.

Why was OP callous? And what point was she was trying to make? Op repeatedly tried to contact the parent, but couldn’t get hold of her.

Strokethefurrywall · 04/03/2019 21:35

Yes, it most definitely is the OP's fault... Hmm

PiebaldHamster · 04/03/2019 21:36

Oh, FFS, math, it's a schedule venue, on weekends it's probably packed and there will be limited available slots. 'Oh, sorry, I can't do that as I need an hour in case some dumb cunt leaves her kids with me and fucks off not answering her phone.' 'That's nice, well, you'll need to try to book elsewhere as this is all we have available.'

PiebaldHamster · 04/03/2019 21:36

Are you literally looking for any excuse to ensure that the OP is to blame? hmm

Pretty much!

piefacedClique · 04/03/2019 21:38

Come on @mathanxiety!!!! Get a bloody grip! No, OP shouldn’t have to leave an extra hour after after a party in case some cheeky fucker who you don’t know abandons her kids (without telling you) she was off for a hair do! FFS! YOU ARE DEFINITELY NOT BEING UNREASONABLE OP