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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or do you not leave kids unattended at a birthday party?

999 replies

Dumbodog · 04/03/2019 19:01

Unless you've discussed it with the host beforehand?

DS 4th birthday party at a soft play on Saturday. 12 invited, mix of friends from nursery and friends from our street. However parents were free to bring siblings and pay normal entry fee for them. All fine.

The eldest of one of the mum's from nursery (her younger sibling was invited) came running over to me crying about 20 mins in to the party and tells me her mum told her to come to me if she needed anything. I continued looking for her mum and she then tells me that mummy has gone to the shops. I wasn't too bothered at that point, thought she perhaps needed something urgently although still should have let me know. Her DD was fine and went back off to play with her sister.

Half an hour later she still wasn't back and the invited kids were going into the party room for food. Her eldest DD was crying because she couldn't come in and she was now being left in the play area unsupervised. I let the staff know the situation at this point. I found the mum's RSVP text and tried calling her (not friendly with her other than to say hello to at nursery) and there was no answer. I tried on and off for the next hour!

The party came to an end and she still wasn't back and still wasn't returning my call. The staff said they could keep the kids but would have to call the police. I thought this was the best scenario as I obviously couldn't take them with me, and god forbid if anything had happened to their mum then at least the police would find out.

I received a call from the mum about half an hour after I got home and she was shouting and bawling at me! She couldn't believe I over reacted so much and just left her kids as she'd only gone to get her hair done. Apparently I should've known she would be back. She was livid the police had been called and they gave her a talking to about leaving the kids without telling anyone and she was lucky social services hadn't been called. But again, apparently I should've known she'd be back and I could've at least taken the kids home with me instead of "showing her up" like that. She said she thought others would also leave their kids, as if I was a bloody babysitter! She hung up on me when I tried to tell her that how could I possibly know she'd have been back when I didn't even know she'd gone until her kid told me. What if something happened to her? Or the kids while she was gone? What if she just never came back? She told me I was batshit and hung up Grin

So, AIBU or does she deserve a cheeky fucker award?!

OP posts:
PreseaCombatir · 04/03/2019 22:00

Am imagining unrolling the scroll of caveats that these people add to their invites, preemption gets all of the unlikeliest of scenarios.

PreseaCombatir · 04/03/2019 22:01

*preempting

Dixiechickonhols · 04/03/2019 22:03

I know some people would have stayed with the kids until the mum came but how long do you wait when she isn’t answering her phone. If you have to go to collect the baby you have to go. If you had the sibling in party room it could have caused havoc as other siblings would have wanted to come in. Plus older child is a total stranger could have had any allergy or been vegan, halal you have no idea. You can’t put children one you’ve never even seen before in your car without car seats. I bet mum has form for this and is just outraged she has been caught out. She won’t do it again.

SmiledWithTheRisingSun · 04/03/2019 22:03

Wow. I would have taken the kids home and text her. You're a bit mean.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 04/03/2019 22:05

Wow,you need to read the thread
Wow you need to think of the other pressing commitments op had
Wow you cannot seriously take an acquaintance kid home when errant mum is late

SmiledWithTheRisingSun · 04/03/2019 22:05

Yes the mum is a CF.
But you're not very kind.

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 04/03/2019 22:06

Wow. I would have taken the kids home and text her. You're a bit mean.

Well good for you can you answer a few questions for us and the Op who are apparently mean for agreeing with her?

  1. How would you get the home without car seats?
  2. What will you have done if the mother had accused you of kidnapping her children?
  3. How would texting her help when the mother wasn't answering messages or phone calls for an hour?
  4. Would you have fed them? What if they had allergies?
Strokethefurrywall · 04/03/2019 22:07

SmiledWithTheRisingSun - why is OP not very kind??

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 04/03/2019 22:08

This has nothing to do epwith kindness,everything to do with a safe outcome
And that was achieved by calling police
Kind,is a party bag.an invite to party
Kind is NOT looking after a kid when mum won’t answer phone for 1+ hour

Strokethefurrywall · 04/03/2019 22:09

There are so many questions I'm waiting for the answers to...

Or do you not leave kids unattended at a birthday party?
Original poster
Dumbodog · 04/03/2019 22:09

I literally don't know these kids from Adam and I wouldn't take someone else's kids home with me in those circumstances, no matter how mean it might make me!

OP posts:
LipstickHandbagCoffee · 04/03/2019 22:10

I would have called police,only difference is I wouldn’t have given the mum an hour
30min no contact I’d have called Police
And no I’d not take the kids home with me

titchy · 04/03/2019 22:12

So CF parent neglects her kids. OP reports said neglect to appropriate authorities. But OP is at fault Confused

You do realise that someone capable of abandoning their kids at soft play is probably capable of other forms of neglect and by reporting it OP may just have nipped the neglect in the bud, hopefully leading to a better outcome for the kids.

Did she bring a present? Are you going to send a thank you note? Grin

NataliaOsipova · 04/03/2019 22:15

*I'm slightly in awe of you OP, this is the kind of thing I would secretly love to do but would honestly never have the nerve.

The CF won't be pulling a stunt like this again anytime soon, will she?!*

This! Absolutely this. So many tales of CF-ery on MN; they get away with it because nobody calls them out on it. OP - quite reasonably - didn’t pander to the CF mum and she made sure the kids were okay and that someone was responsible for them.

cheesydoesit · 04/03/2019 22:15

OP, you handled it perfectly.

Missingstreetlife · 04/03/2019 22:16

People leave kids with neighbours in shops and libraries, outside pubs, in cafes... it's very irresponsible and the police often come. If parents don't turn up foster parents may be employed. Don't leave kids unattended, and if you are going to be late tell someone, make proper arrangements.

Kolo · 04/03/2019 22:18

You can’t just drive off with someone else’s kids without permission! In this situation, I’d have done everything you did OP. I’d have tried to stay at the venue longer if it were possible, but I’d definitely have called the police/SS. I’d have imagined an accident or serious illness befalling the absent mother, because that’s the only reason I can think of that I’d fail to pick my own children up.

thedisorganisedmum · 04/03/2019 22:20

you'd be nuts to have taken the children home!
Can you imagine the mother calling the police when she realised the kids were not where she left them, she had no address, and you simply took them?

absolutely not.

theliverpoolone · 04/03/2019 22:21

I would have taken the kids home and text her
And if she had, I bet CF mum would have given the OP a mouthful of abuse for kidnapping her kids and making her travel somewhere else to collect them. If someone I didn't know took my dd to their home without my permission I'd be calling the police on them. Of course the OP shouldn't have done that, I can't believe so many people have suggested it Hmm

Fr3d · 04/03/2019 22:21

I would like to nominate this mum for CF of the Year Award Grin

OP is getting such a hard time...she left the kids with the staff, who agreed to take responsibility ...and then followed their own procedures for the safety of the kids.

Any soft play party I've been at is strict with time, 2 hours and you are out, there is probably another party moving into the party room behind you.

It was being a CF to even leave the uninvited child there unsupervised..and direct them to the OP! Obviously a young child too.

janetforpresident · 04/03/2019 22:21

I know it's been said but it really needs saying again: this is how neglect is missed because people feel sorry for the kids so cover for neglectful parents. If this woman has done this what else might she have done and got away with over the years? What might she be capable of? This will have been logged with ss now and if it is a regular thing they will get involved.

I would have phoned the police myself if the soft play place hadn't and as the op said the girls were happily playing in the soft play thinking they were waiting for their mum so there was no reason for the op to stay.

People blaming you or saying you were mean are ridiculous op and are part of the problem.

RaffertyFair · 04/03/2019 22:22

Hold on a minute.

Posters saying that OP was right handing the children over the moment the party finished, why aren't you telling OP she should have done this the moment she realised the CF mother had left the building? You are saying CF mother neglected the children by leaving them at the party but the OP did nothing about that.

You can't have it both ways.

Dixiechickonhols · 04/03/2019 22:24

Would the kids even have left the centre and gone with the op. The elder at least should have been taught not to get in a total stranger’s car. In car park, running late for her mum to get to work, no car seats, trying to force two perhaps screaming kids into a car. How is that better for kids than staying at safe play centre where they were happily playing with staff to wait for mum.

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 04/03/2019 22:25

why aren't you telling OP she should have done this the moment she realised the CF mother had left the building?

Because rightly or wrongly some parents of small children think its fine to leave children at a party without staying. Some parents understand it is not ok to do this for younger children but some think it is acceptable and the 'norm'. This in itself doesn't make the parent a bad parent it just means that's the choice they make a little like how some parents let you children play out and others don't.

M3lon · 04/03/2019 22:26

OP you did exactly the right thing. Cannot believe the Cfery of her phoning up to have a go at you!

The only plausible reason I can think that anyone would find your actions in any way at fault is that they've taken the piss the same way and gotten away with it somehow!

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