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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or do you not leave kids unattended at a birthday party?

999 replies

Dumbodog · 04/03/2019 19:01

Unless you've discussed it with the host beforehand?

DS 4th birthday party at a soft play on Saturday. 12 invited, mix of friends from nursery and friends from our street. However parents were free to bring siblings and pay normal entry fee for them. All fine.

The eldest of one of the mum's from nursery (her younger sibling was invited) came running over to me crying about 20 mins in to the party and tells me her mum told her to come to me if she needed anything. I continued looking for her mum and she then tells me that mummy has gone to the shops. I wasn't too bothered at that point, thought she perhaps needed something urgently although still should have let me know. Her DD was fine and went back off to play with her sister.

Half an hour later she still wasn't back and the invited kids were going into the party room for food. Her eldest DD was crying because she couldn't come in and she was now being left in the play area unsupervised. I let the staff know the situation at this point. I found the mum's RSVP text and tried calling her (not friendly with her other than to say hello to at nursery) and there was no answer. I tried on and off for the next hour!

The party came to an end and she still wasn't back and still wasn't returning my call. The staff said they could keep the kids but would have to call the police. I thought this was the best scenario as I obviously couldn't take them with me, and god forbid if anything had happened to their mum then at least the police would find out.

I received a call from the mum about half an hour after I got home and she was shouting and bawling at me! She couldn't believe I over reacted so much and just left her kids as she'd only gone to get her hair done. Apparently I should've known she would be back. She was livid the police had been called and they gave her a talking to about leaving the kids without telling anyone and she was lucky social services hadn't been called. But again, apparently I should've known she'd be back and I could've at least taken the kids home with me instead of "showing her up" like that. She said she thought others would also leave their kids, as if I was a bloody babysitter! She hung up on me when I tried to tell her that how could I possibly know she'd have been back when I didn't even know she'd gone until her kid told me. What if something happened to her? Or the kids while she was gone? What if she just never came back? She told me I was batshit and hung up Grin

So, AIBU or does she deserve a cheeky fucker award?!

OP posts:
Strokethefurrywall · 04/03/2019 20:48

But how could OP have been "kinder"? I really don't understand!

She's at her son's birthday party, dealing with what I can only assume to be softplay misery on speed because she's the hostess. I'd be struggling to be kind to anyone except a bartender with a bottle of wine frankly.

She was kind. She left them with responsible adults, and when asking if the sibling could join the party, was told the sibling wasn't allowed.

Just because the CF mother is a neglectful twat, it doesn't mean that OP has to drop everything to fill the void.

Mummyoflittledragon · 04/03/2019 20:51

You also asked about leaving the children. Dd has a soft play party aged 6. Most of the parents stayed. They all stayed bar one set of parents for her 5th birthday party. Dd wouldn’t have been ok to be left. I actually was the only parent, who stayed for her friends 8th birthday - not by choice (friend. Is almost a year older than dd).

Petalflowers · 04/03/2019 20:51

The CF mum was very CF. She shouldn’t have blame you when you did try to get hold of her, plus she should have informed you that her dd was being left, plus she arrived late after pick up time. She basically left a child unattended in a public place!

You did nothing wrong.

SnuggyBuggy · 04/03/2019 20:52

Good for you OP.

maddening · 04/03/2019 20:54

The thing is if the 8 Yr old hadn't been crying the op might have had no clue that the mum had left, the kids may had gone off to the play frame and the op would be no wiser that they had been left, then they could have been V vulnerable and no-one be watching them, the cf mum played a stupid game with her dc and lost - she did not ask anyone if they were OK to watch her dc before she went, if she had the op would have had the opportunity to tell her the latest time for collection - you never make assumptions about other people's time, you ask and make alternative arrangements if the answer is no or does not suit you.

Cf mum is the only one to blame here

PiebaldHamster · 04/03/2019 20:55

You absolutely did the right thing! This woman didn't give a fuck about where her kids were.

And people RTFT! The OP couldn't hang around, she had to go and pic up her baby as her mother needed to go to work. Work. As for taking them with her, on what planet does someone have 2 spare car seats knocking around.

And plenty of places are very strict about who goes into the room at hired parties.

This stupid bitch ditched her kids.

I guess a lot of the replies on here show why she thought she could get away with it.

Yep.

SnuggyBuggy · 04/03/2019 20:58

Even if the OP could have hung around why should she? She's not a free babysitter. The kids weren't in any danger and if they were emotionally distressed that's their CF mums fault

Shinesweetfreedom · 04/03/2019 20:58

It’s not your place to wait after the party.
This was the correct procedure.To let the police be called.
She couldn’t be arsed letting you know where she was.
How many other times has she or would she just leave her kids unattended if you had just covered up for her by not getting police involved.Shown her up yeah for being a shit mother,and expecting others to cover up for her.She will have to think twice now before she decides to totter off without a thought to her kids.

PiebaldHamster · 04/03/2019 21:00

As for this women screeching at you on the phone, she'd be blocked.

Hullaballooooo · 04/03/2019 21:01

That was some cheeky f**kery of the highest order & you did the right thing OP given your own responsibilities.

titchy · 04/03/2019 21:03

I think the police were negligent in not reporting this mother to the social service

They may well have alerted SS. In fact I'd say that was standard procedure in a case of child abandonment.

Eliza9917 · 04/03/2019 21:05

I hope this CF mother is on here.

rioroller · 04/03/2019 21:08

Ive been a volunteer ar a few youth groups, what the OP did was textbook what I was advised to do if a parent failed to show.

You 100% DO NOT take a strangers kid home.

hibbledibble · 04/03/2019 21:08

At some parties it is expected that parents drop and collect, but not at age 4. Ok to leave children at this age if there is discussion with the parent.

I don't think it was fair to leave the children alone at the soft play either though. I would have been too worried about them and would have waited as long as possible: even if it meant the grandmother coming over in a taxi to bring the baby before going on to work.

SnuggyBuggy · 04/03/2019 21:10

To be honest I don't get the modern trend of bringing non-invited siblings to parties.

PiebaldHamster · 04/03/2019 21:11

even if it meant the grandmother coming over in a taxi to bring the baby before going on to work.

The magical world of endless money! Must be nice! Plenty of people wouldn't have the funds to get a taxi (no telling how far she was, either) to enable a CF who abandoned her kids, became uncontactable and no indication of when she'd be back.

piggybrownhare · 04/03/2019 21:11

I couldn’t have left the older child and definitely would have let her come into the party room to share the food. I would have felt really heartless to leave her out. Poor thing. I also would never have left the kids but part of me feels the mother deserved what she got, what she did was gob smacking and shocking, poor kids to have such a selfish mother, she clearly didn’t learn a lesson from her actions either, judging by the way she put all blame on you.

piggybrownhare · 04/03/2019 21:13

Just to add I wouldn’t have taken the children home but would have hung around longer and waited with them, for their sake as they must have been upset and frightened.

LivingDeadGirlUK · 04/03/2019 21:14

god why would the older child need to go into the party room? She wasn't going to starve during the few hours of a soft play party! What about all the other accompanied siblings who would then be asking why they cant go in?

1Wildheartsease · 04/03/2019 21:17

The mother didn't leave her children in OP's care - she just left them at the soft-play centre.

OP doesn't know her or the children well enough to be able to step in as a proxy-parent in this situation.

Of course they had to be handed over to the staff and the police when their mother didn't turn up to take them home.

RaffertyFair · 04/03/2019 21:17

The CF mother was 100% out of order and deserved the shock and humiliation of the police. What an appalling way to treat her children and the OP. She was also 100% out of order to complain to OP.

I agree that the children were not OP's responsibility. And she took no responsibility for them. She was not inconvenienced either during the party or after the party (other than trying to contact CF). She has explained why she couldn't wait - and she didn't wait. So, again no inconvenience to the OP.

The reason the OP is getting a hard time is because she has shown absoutely no care or concern for the children. She was annoyed with the CF (understandably so). But why are the children included?

She didn't post about a horrible situation in which she'd had to leave the children. She didn't describe the events in the way PotatoesDieInHotCars put them. No emotion about the children at all.

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 04/03/2019 21:18

but would have hung around longer and waited with them

The Op has already explained that to do that she would have had to leave her baby longer with her mother, making her late for work. Why should the OPs mother be punished for being late, due to the other parent being a terrible parent?

NL82 · 04/03/2019 21:19

You should have paid for the sibling, given her food and waited for the mother to show up and spoken to her about it then. Absolutely end of. Lucky your kid is at nursery not school as that would have been something you would never have lived down re the police. She was being a CF yes but it wasn’t the kids’ fault

riotlady · 04/03/2019 21:20

I definitely wouldn’t have taken her kids home as others have suggested, I’d be worried that the kind of person who ditched her children at soft play without warning might be the sort of person to accuse me of kidnapping

Jekyllandhydesmother · 04/03/2019 21:20

Very likely that they were reported to children's services by the police. The bitch of a mum obviously doesn't think twice about neglecting her kids.

All of you saints saying you'd have "stayed with the poor kids" need to face reality. Say this happens all the time (very likely by the blatant couldn't care less attitude) but noone ever reports it to the police or CS. What happens if the kids start going hungry/missing meals/ left alone?? The reason we have serious case reviews is because people don't report the "little" things and a bigger picture gets missed.

Honestly, if I were you OP I'd be putting in a report to CS. You can do it as a member of the public by calling the CRT and raising it. I don't know the ins and outs as I usually report as part of my work so use an inter agency form.

What concerns me is her attitude since being spoken to! She's needs some serious intervention to sort out her parenting!!

To conclude: YANBU at all! Genuinely well done to you, we need more people like you in the world.

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