Or do you not leave kids unattended at a birthday party?

[Dumbodog]

Unless you've discussed it with the host beforehand?

DS 4th birthday party at a soft play on Saturday. 12 invited, mix of friends from nursery and friends from our street. However parents were free to bring siblings and pay normal entry fee for them. All fine.

The eldest of one of the mum's from nursery (her younger sibling was invited) came running over to me crying about 20 mins in to the party and tells me her mum told her to come to me if she needed anything. I continued looking for her mum and she then tells me that mummy has gone to the shops. I wasn't too bothered at that point, thought she perhaps needed something urgently although still should have let me know. Her DD was fine and went back off to play with her sister.

Half an hour later she still wasn't back and the invited kids were going into the party room for food. Her eldest DD was crying because she couldn't come in and she was now being left in the play area unsupervised. I let the staff know the situation at this point. I found the mum's RSVP text and tried calling her (not friendly with her other than to say hello to at nursery) and there was no answer. I tried on and off for the next hour!

The party came to an end and she still wasn't back and still wasn't returning my call. The staff said they could keep the kids but would have to call the police. I thought this was the best scenario as I obviously couldn't take them with me, and god forbid if anything had happened to their mum then at least the police would find out.

I received a call from the mum about half an hour after I got home and she was shouting and bawling at me! She couldn't believe I over reacted so much and just left her kids as she'd only gone to get her hair done. Apparently I should've known she would be back. She was livid the police had been called and they gave her a talking to about leaving the kids without telling anyone and she was lucky social services hadn't been called. But again, apparently I should've known she'd be back and I could've at least taken the kids home with me instead of "showing her up" like that. She said she thought others would also leave their kids, as if I was a bloody babysitter! She hung up on me when I tried to tell her that how could I possibly know she'd have been back when I didn't even know she'd gone until her kid told me. What if something happened to her? Or the kids while she was gone? What if she just never came back? She told me I was batshit and hung up

So, AIBU or does she deserve a cheeky fucker award?!

My expectation is that people will collect their kids from the party.

Thus far, over several years of throwing children's party, no parent has needed any level of hand-holding on expectations, above and beyond the information on the invitation.

But maybe the people I know have super sonic levels of cop on, to know that a 4pm pick up means you pick you kids up at 4pm (read: minimum requirements to function as an adult human). And my reality is skewed.

One mum told DH that CF pulled the same at a party about a year ago (DS only started this nursery in August) and the party child's parents also called police as she didn't arrive for 3 hours and they had no contact details for her. Don't know anymore than that. Could have been the first time, could have been the tenth.

This further info doesn't surprise me in the slightest. At this point, I'd be putting a call into social services myself.

I am surprised, however, that none of the other parents mentioned this to you during the party, especially once it became clear at the party's end that abandonment-mum had previous for this.

Wow I’m speechless! You’re both wrong in my opinion. What the other mum did was wrong, in leaving two children unattended and without informing you. However, that could have been dealt with later when you met her.
With food, Even if it was strictly only for party guests, I’m sure as the person paying for the party you could have spoken to the staff and explained the situation to allow the older sibling in and share the plate with the younger sibling.

If you felt the need to call the police, I think you should have atleast stayed until they came. How traumatic for the poor kids to be left alone. Yes it’s an inconvenience to you, your mother who was looking after the baby and had to go to work after etc etc. but these things happen in life sometimes unfortunately. But leaving two little children to be handed over to the police by the staff is just wrong and irresponsible on your part.

You’re both wrong.

I cannot believe what you did. Lots of parents leave their kids at parties. She was wrong to do so without letting you know and leaving her eldest there but you were wrong to not insist the eldest go into the party. I’ve let siblings etc in, it’s no big deal. But to think it’s ok to leave the kids there and call the police is disgraceful. That could have caused a whole world of shit for the mum. You’re out of order. As the host you have to wait until all kids are gone. That’s normal. You are both very wrong in this op.

But to think it’s ok to leave the kids there and call the police is disgraceful. That could have caused a whole world of shit for the mum

What's disgraceful is abandoning your own children at a party, with no thought for them, not giving a shit about their welfare, not giving a shit about even making sure you're connectable. But let's blame someone else, eh?

How do we know the mum really has form leaving her kids for 3 hours and then oh the police are called again. Why wasn’t this mentioned in first post?? The op could be making that up to justify her poor decisions. Yes the other mum was wrong but I cannot ever imagine thinking leaving the kids and calling the police was a suitable option. Can’t get my head around it. People do turn up late coz they think the host wil look after them not call the police. It’s weird. Poor poor kids going through that. I’ve waited with kids for half an hour and it never entered my head not to. I think op has a lot to learn too.

But we can only take the ops word for that. She is very inexperienced at parties. People do sometimes go off and are a bit late it’s shit but it’s hardly police-calling-worthy. Christ the op will be lucky if anyone goes to a future party they’ll be scared to do something wrong. I never left my kids at that age but plenty did. She might be a single mum who just made use of the time to get shpppibg. Having an older child might have made her more used to leaving them at a party. Yes it was wrong not to communicate but stuff happens. Never heard anything like it in 12 years of children.

The kids weren't left alone, they were left with playcentre staff. The kids didn't know the mum holding the party from Adam, why would it be more comforting to stay with her? Their own mum not being there traumatised them, not the actions of the person holding the party. Their mum is negligent, not just a cheeky fucker.

It’s normal as the host to stay with the children until the kids are picked up and I’ve nevef known otherwise. Parents hosting parties don’t just think right it’s 4pm, let’s go, stuff it that 6 kids are left. The staff would normally expect you to stay. It’s just normal?? People are not always on time dropping off and picking up. I’ve never hosted a patty yet that hasnt finished half an hour after the time on the invite from chatting to parents. Thanking them for coming etc etc. No host leaves dead on the time the invite says it finishes, most people are there half an hour after. The op needs to ensure she has a good hour after the party for chatting to parents etc not rush off. It’s all very odd. I’d have called the police on a number of people based on op criteria and they’re all good parents. Picking up late is not the end of the world but the op turned into a trauma.

She waited after the party ended but couldn't wait forever.

Right, thought it was half an hour?? Not that long. This is mainly down to inexperience of hosting parties on the ops front I’m afraid. Thinking everything will go exactly according to plan. Parents are not perfect at party etiquette, turn up late, pick up late, forget pressie, leave child etc. This is just how it is. Many parents can be cf at kids parties coz they take advantage of having an hour or so free. You need to build in time around the party so you are not put into a difficult situation in the first place. You can’t expect to leave at 4pm if party finishes at 4pm. Yes other mum should have communicated better but they don’t always. I’ve hosted over 20 kids parties with both my kids and been to many many more, what the op did wasn’t normal and I’d go mad if someone did that to me.

I'd go mad at the mom who wafted off to get her hair done without telling anyone, dumping an older child on the party mom without knowledge, not answering her phone and returned so late that the police were called.... but hey we're all different.

Well no I wouldn’t go mad. What’s the point?? She was wrong but neither the kids nor the mum deserved what happened. It’s ridiculous to call the police. parents do just go off at parties at times. I never left mine when they were young but plenty did and some were late picking up coz they know you will wait with them. The woman was wrong in leaving both kids and not checking but the op did something far worse in her response.

OP is getting unfair criticism here.

She didn't have permission to give the older sibling food. What if that child was allergic to some food stuff and became ill? What if she'd wandered out of the softplay and gone missing without you being aware the mother had put you - unasked - in loco parentis?

You did the right thing OP. The mother exploited the situation for her own interests here.

She was half an hour late from what’s been said? I’d still be chatting to other parents at that point. The op shouldn’t have thought it ok to go at 4pm.

@sb have you actually read the thread? The OP didn’t call the police, the soft play did and the kids left behind had absoloutely no idea they’d been left because they were off playing. The OP is not a babysitter. Their mum deserted them, she didn’t just ‘run late’ she made herself completely uncontactable for a long period of time and at that point nobody had any idea where she was or what had happened. The police were called because something bad COULD of happened to her and they would of needed to of handled the situation. In fact the mum had just decided to go get her hair done. She caused this, not the OP and she deserved the telling off she got!

Well I feel as though it’s all been blown out of proportion because op doesn’t understand kids parties. I agree the other woman should have communicated about what she was doing but calling the police for being 30 mins late is ludicrous. Just put yourself in that situation as the other mum. You turn up to a party a bit late and your kids are stood with police?? Really this is normal??

It’s the same thing, the op let them call the police. It’s madness.

It is probably normal for her as it is not the first time it has happened.

No the police weren’t called incase something bad had happened to the mum that’s been built in by op to make it sound less mad than it is. It’s all ridiculous.

So the op said in a later post after being criticised.. Don’t actually believe it. Think op is just trying to justify the silly actions she took.

I imagine it's the policy of the soft play place to call the police if a child appears to have been abandoned there.

We don't know when the absconder mom picked the children up though sb - it could have been at 4.31, it could have been at 5.30 when the police called the OP....

SB the mum wasnt 30 mins late. The OP has said she has no idea what time she eventually decided to turn up because the police wouldn’t tell her. Your version of events is not the events as described by the OP. How is it that the OP doesn’t understand kids parties but the mum who decided to abandon her children ignore every text and phone call then turn up at god knows what time after the party had finished does understand them? The OP has no control over what the the soft play policy is for children left behind.she held a party with a clear finish time, she waited as long as she possibly could and then she had to go. You keep describing what the other mum did as ‘turning up a bit late’ which is not true- she left the party with no warning, no update, didn’t respond to any forms of communication at all and then didn’t return to collect her children at the agreed time. Any consequences of those actions are completely her fault, not the OPs

But they hadn’t. They were at a party and being picked up late. The op was responsible at that time. Ok the older child shouldn’t have been there but was. But what sane person would hear the play centre staff say ok, you go and we’ ll calll the police. My god who would do that to another parent? For being a bit late turning up? It’s not right. Nothing that is said will make me think otherwise because it’s just one of the most ridiculous things I’ve ever heard. The other mum was totally crap and inconsiderate,yes but the op leaving her kids behind with police is unforgivable .