Or do you not leave kids unattended at a birthday party?

[Dumbodog]

Unless you've discussed it with the host beforehand?

DS 4th birthday party at a soft play on Saturday. 12 invited, mix of friends from nursery and friends from our street. However parents were free to bring siblings and pay normal entry fee for them. All fine.

The eldest of one of the mum's from nursery (her younger sibling was invited) came running over to me crying about 20 mins in to the party and tells me her mum told her to come to me if she needed anything. I continued looking for her mum and she then tells me that mummy has gone to the shops. I wasn't too bothered at that point, thought she perhaps needed something urgently although still should have let me know. Her DD was fine and went back off to play with her sister.

Half an hour later she still wasn't back and the invited kids were going into the party room for food. Her eldest DD was crying because she couldn't come in and she was now being left in the play area unsupervised. I let the staff know the situation at this point. I found the mum's RSVP text and tried calling her (not friendly with her other than to say hello to at nursery) and there was no answer. I tried on and off for the next hour!

The party came to an end and she still wasn't back and still wasn't returning my call. The staff said they could keep the kids but would have to call the police. I thought this was the best scenario as I obviously couldn't take them with me, and god forbid if anything had happened to their mum then at least the police would find out.

I received a call from the mum about half an hour after I got home and she was shouting and bawling at me! She couldn't believe I over reacted so much and just left her kids as she'd only gone to get her hair done. Apparently I should've known she would be back. She was livid the police had been called and they gave her a talking to about leaving the kids without telling anyone and she was lucky social services hadn't been called. But again, apparently I should've known she'd be back and I could've at least taken the kids home with me instead of "showing her up" like that. She said she thought others would also leave their kids, as if I was a bloody babysitter! She hung up on me when I tried to tell her that how could I possibly know she'd have been back when I didn't even know she'd gone until her kid told me. What if something happened to her? Or the kids while she was gone? What if she just never came back? She told me I was batshit and hung up

So, AIBU or does she deserve a cheeky fucker award?!

Also drop and run is one thing but drop run and then don’t return to actually collect your own kids whilst ignoring the frantic phone calls because getting your hair done is more important is quite another

Lelly, but even better, this was drop two (not one), and then run. . . without letting anyone know about the addition. . .

What if the mother had received some awful news?
So if you received bad news, you'd just abandon your two kids wherever you are and leave, and then remain uncontactable for over an hour? Because essentially that's what she did. She didn't tell anyone she'd left. One child wasn't even explicitly invited. She left two children with no proper care because she actually didn't hand over care of them.

And if I heard this story had happened at my kids nursery then I’d think your child would be left off some birthday invites so you'd invite the kid of the Mum who will just swan off for hours and not tell you, but not the kid of the responsible Mum who handed over care of the abandoned children to the appropriate people

@sleeping No. I wouldn’t invite either.

Dumbodog I can imagine how flabbergasted you must have felt. From a child protection point of view I actually think social services should’ve been informed - this woman left the child invited at 4years of age without letting the party holder know but I can see that if a child is invited then maybe some parents may feel ok at leaving them, but to then leave the older sibling again without letting the party holder know is completely unacceptable. What happens if that child had wandered off and got hit by a car in the carpark? Or taken by some opportunistic criminal? That mother left her children without supervision and care so she could have her hair done? She left them past the party time like they were baggage she could pick up at her own leisure. This will not have been the first time I’m sure. How often are those children left unsupervised? I personally wouldn’t have left the children at the end of the party, I would’ve asked my mum to drop my child to me if she couldn’t babysit anymore. I would’ve probably chatted to the kids and found out how often mummy popped out and left them - I have dealings with child services and this is quite worrying behaviour. Maybe this mother can’t actually cope and needs support. I definitely would’ve confronted her to be honest.

And I actually have been in a similar situation. Mum fucked off,didn't have her number as she didn't RSVP and only realised at the end. Frantic fb messaging to get her number,several phone calls and texts no answer. Yes I took the child home with me as we had to leave,not appropriate to hang around for ages ,I knew the child and we lived close enough to walk. More messages and voice mails to let her know where we are and my address. Two hours later she showed up with a "sorry I fell asleep".
Yes I let the school know. A few months later she got banned from the playground for assaulting a TA in front of children and everything. Couple more months and SS got involved and child now lives with nan.

Knowing what I know now I should've involved the staff and ring police/SS.

I always stay though and will until DD is about 7/8 or it's a home based party.

😆

God forbid if one of the kids had fallen off something and needed hospital care shortly after she abandoned them!

Or OP had taken them home (likely with inadequate child seats for the 4 yo and the older one) and something had happened, they accused her of something, ShitMum turned up to find the kids gone and had gone off at the staff.

Or something actually HAD happened to ShitMum and she'd got two scared kids for hours and hours, wondering at what point she wouldn't be crucified by the Perfect Parents for phoning the Police.

If everyone takes the attitude of enabling her to continue neglecting and abandoning her children, no one will ever join the dots and put into place the help the kids need.

Why is anyone giving the OP a hard time? Why does it become her problem that this woman is unbelievably irresponsible? Never in my wildest dreams would I leave my 4 yr old unattended and the idea of abandoning two small children without a word to anyone - she fully deserved what happened. She is a danger to her children.

Derxa, I agree the children should come first, just a shame their mother abandoned them without saying a word to anyone to go and get her hair done, didn't answer her phone and didn't come back to pick her children up at the end of the party. She put op in an impossible situation and she did the best she could under the circumstances.

Nope, I can fully believe this happened.

It's a cascade effect.

So-called Mum dumps off kids, abdicating her responsibilities.

Mum of party child does her best to deal with kids.

Mum of party child comes up against cold hard reality of having to assume responsibility of HER baby, to enable her mother to fulfill her responsibilities to her employer.

Mum of party child does what she can to ensure care of children that so-called Mum didn't give sufficient craps about, and then fulfills her duty of care to her children, baby and mother.

So-called Mum of dumped off kids is outraged that another mother didn't put so-called Mum and her poor kids before their own children and mother.

YANBU

Only read first page of thread and can’t understand why posters are having a go at you. Her children are not your problem, she behaved completely irresponsibly and knew that when she got caught out. You left them in a safe place with staff at a soft play centre who had informed the police, not out on the streets. Too many piss takers in this world. A party for 4 year olds usually means you stay,it’s not an excuse for free childcare while you piss off to get your hair done! Unbelievable.

OP, I'm with you on this one she is a CF. The reason people have soft play parties is because they don't want the extra pressure of sole responsibility of other people's kids, for whatever reason. I've never had one of those parties, ours have always been self hosted so never had those kind of issues but I think I'd have done the same. I know that the CF's kid wouldn't ever be invited again to anything I organized. I had one turn up 30 minutes early "because we were passing and it was easier than going home" while we were still trying to set up a treasure hunt (which would have been pointless once the little madam knew where all the clues were going) and that pissed me off enough. Fortunately DD never wanted to invite her again.

Parties now need planning for a lot of contingencies:

1. Identity if any parents are CF, assess whether they have record of abandonment and ask what time they require additional care.
2. plan to take additional children home, minibus a good option in case every parent a CF.
3. Check for siblings and pay for them all, it is important that and CF children do not complain later of hunger to CF.
4. check if minibus should stop at CF address later in day, next day if CF on a binge.
5. don't report CF behaviour to anyone as it is their human right to be CF towards anyone they want.

😂

Well something similar happened to me, a girl I had never met before was encouraged to come over to my house by her mum as my children were playing outside in the village we lived in with their dad. So she turned up at our house and I tried to contact her mum ALL DAY who I had never spoken to in my life. She completely ignored all attempts to contact her. I had to watch the young girl like a hawk as it turned out she was quite a bully and was threatening one of our younger children. In the end I had to drive her home and find her house (with help from the neighbours). The mum was home and claimed she never received my calls, but she also didn’t attempt to retrieve her 8 year old from a total strangers house, who she abandoned for about 8 hours.

Her dd had lots of trouble at school and I put it down to her appalling parenting.

Have you all missed the update where OP says she now hears that CF did this previously and was 3 hours late? And police were called then? The CF does not actually have a fuck to give.

Have you all missed the update where OP says she now hears that CF did this previously and was 3 hours late? And police were called then? The CF does not actually have a fuck to give

They’d probably use that as proof that the OP should have left at least four hours in between the party and having to get back for the baby 😂

Well I’ve just spent hours reading this and I’m gobsmacked at all the posters having a go at the OP here!

OP you did the right thing in the shit situation you were put in. How dare that CF have a go at you?! She chose to sneak out without asking you if you minded (which means she knew it was a piss take), she ignored phone calls (to the pp who said batteries die - yes they do, but then calls go straight to voicemail. You also don’t abandon your kids without making damn fucking sure that you can be contacted) which also says she knew she was wrong, and it sounds like she didn’t arrive until after the police turned up, meaning she was very late.

If I read everything correctly, you left half an hour after the party ended. I think you said the play centre staff said they’d give it half an hour and then call the police? So at that point the mother was an hour late. If it had been an emergency she would have contacted someone. If she’d been in an accident then this was the best way to get the children to the right people to be taken care of. She was more than happy to abandon her children though which says everything about her parenting. And so what to the pp who said she might get a visit from SS now? GOOD! If it was a one off incident with a lapse in judgement they aren’t going to take her kids away. But if it turns out that she’s regularly neglecting her children it may mean they finally get the help they need.

Those children were not your responsibility. The invited guest may have been during the party hours but presumably the parent still signed the child in? That means they are responsible. You have to actively speak to another adult to ASK them to take responsibility for your child and make sure they have a way of contacting you. So no, you were not wrong to leave them with the staff there because you had to leave. The only person at fault is the mother. Presumably the children also have a father - why didn’t she arrange for him to come and stay with the kids and take them home if she wanted to get her hair done? Even if they aren’t together that could still be arranged!

I don’t envy you as I wouldn’t have known what to do in that situation. I’ve been ill for the past few years and it would have taken everything out of me just hosting the party and I’d need to get home to rest - but from the sounds of it I’d have been lynched for that. Or if it was me, hubby & our 3 children we wouldn’t have been able to take the kids anyway (not that I would have because that would be batshit and opening yourself up for prosecution) as no spare seats in the car! I wouldn’t have liked to have just left them there admittedly, but you do what you can in the circumstances. You didn’t have a choice.

Well done for standing up for those kids and not being treated as a doormat.

Organising a kids party with kids / families you don't know is a risk in itself at this age and so you have to be extra clear on expectations. However, on behalf of your child's guests / friends it was really poor that you left those kids behind. How frightening for them. I would be annoyed but couldn't leave those little kids. Thankfully, the mum wasn't in an accident.

@Mumoflil1 - what part of:

Crispin is invited to help MiniDumbodog celebrate tuning 4.

At Soft Play Hell, from 2pm-4pm.

... is ambiguous or unclear?

Do you need specific, special (maybe in neon lighting? Or Braille?) instructions to turn up to collect at any time other than 4pm...?