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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Or do you not leave kids unattended at a birthday party?

999 replies

Dumbodog · 04/03/2019 19:01

Unless you've discussed it with the host beforehand?

DS 4th birthday party at a soft play on Saturday. 12 invited, mix of friends from nursery and friends from our street. However parents were free to bring siblings and pay normal entry fee for them. All fine.

The eldest of one of the mum's from nursery (her younger sibling was invited) came running over to me crying about 20 mins in to the party and tells me her mum told her to come to me if she needed anything. I continued looking for her mum and she then tells me that mummy has gone to the shops. I wasn't too bothered at that point, thought she perhaps needed something urgently although still should have let me know. Her DD was fine and went back off to play with her sister.

Half an hour later she still wasn't back and the invited kids were going into the party room for food. Her eldest DD was crying because she couldn't come in and she was now being left in the play area unsupervised. I let the staff know the situation at this point. I found the mum's RSVP text and tried calling her (not friendly with her other than to say hello to at nursery) and there was no answer. I tried on and off for the next hour!

The party came to an end and she still wasn't back and still wasn't returning my call. The staff said they could keep the kids but would have to call the police. I thought this was the best scenario as I obviously couldn't take them with me, and god forbid if anything had happened to their mum then at least the police would find out.

I received a call from the mum about half an hour after I got home and she was shouting and bawling at me! She couldn't believe I over reacted so much and just left her kids as she'd only gone to get her hair done. Apparently I should've known she would be back. She was livid the police had been called and they gave her a talking to about leaving the kids without telling anyone and she was lucky social services hadn't been called. But again, apparently I should've known she'd be back and I could've at least taken the kids home with me instead of "showing her up" like that. She said she thought others would also leave their kids, as if I was a bloody babysitter! She hung up on me when I tried to tell her that how could I possibly know she'd have been back when I didn't even know she'd gone until her kid told me. What if something happened to her? Or the kids while she was gone? What if she just never came back? She told me I was batshit and hung up

So, AIBU or does she deserve a cheeky fucker award?!

OP posts:

Castieldeansam · 05/03/2019 21:58

You did the right thing OP. It was neglectful behaviour on the part of the CF. It will be recorded by police and hopefully passed on to SS. If you had taken children, whose to say you wouldn’t have ended up in trouble with police for taking them - who knows how CF would reacted.

SnuggyBuggy · 05/03/2019 21:58

I wish I had the addresses for some of the mugs here. I could leave DD on the doorstep, ring the bell and run off to enjoy a nice pampering session for a couple of hours because apparently it's wrong to involve the police when someone abandons their children

mbosnz · 05/03/2019 21:58

Sarcasm. Love that word, really should think twice before spelling it.

whipstitchandwhiskey · 05/03/2019 21:59

I’m absolutely stunned reading this thread...firstly by the CF mother (who is actually so much more than a cheeky fucker...as OP recently found out the CF mother has done this in the past so is actually neglecting her children), and secondly by the posters who are berating the OP for doing the only sensible thing in this situation

TabbyMumz · 05/03/2019 22:00

She might have left one if them in the ops care, but that doesn't mean she gave the op permission to take them home.

YourSarcasmIsDripping · 05/03/2019 22:02

mbo exactly. And even knowing all that and having the facilities, schools have the right and are even duty bound in some cases to involve SS in cases like this.

But nooo,OP needs to tke the kids home,adopt them,write them in her will and pay for another hairdresser session for the mum due to the trauma she caused.

mbosnz · 05/03/2019 22:03

Don't forget the manicure and pedicure sarcasm, the poor CF is bound to need some more pampering after all this trauma - for HER of course, not her children, or the people who had to sort out the situation when she decided she didn't want to be Mummy for a bit.

PCohle · 05/03/2019 22:04

There are worse things in life than being a mug.

The OP had no idea the mother was in her hairdressers when she left the kids. What if the mother had received some awful news?

MN seems to think that being a hard bitch is a badge of honour. By all means have a stern word with the mother when you find out where she actually was, but spending life going out of your way not to do anything for anyone on the off chance they might be taking the piss a bit sounds a pretty miserly way to spend you days.

whiteroseredrose · 05/03/2019 22:07

Ha ha. I wondered if she'd done this before and got away with it!

You did the right thing, particularly with what you've found out since. People don't change their bad behaviour if everyone adapts around them.

Aeroflotgirl · 05/03/2019 22:07

Op did tge only sensible option, it seems that CF mum has a form for this! This needed to happen, the only person posters should feel angry with is a cf mum who abandoned her kids without a word.

NorthernRunner · 05/03/2019 22:07

I don’t blame you at all OP.
I know this had already been said but just to reiterate, you had tried calling to no avail. If you had known or had she answered the phone, that would be different.
My dd had a soft play party at the end of jan for her 4th birthday, siblings came, unexpected and whilst they sat in party room for food, there was no food for them and the kitchen staff were not happy to just give them some food (as per my suggestion) so I do appreciate how strict some venues are.
What alternative did you have? I don’t have a car big enough for two extra children, I don’t suppose many people do...those children weren’t tour responsibility and you couldn’t track down their mom. In all honestly you did all you could. I would have done the same.

It may be worth mentioning this to nursery staff, just discreetly, as the children may talk about it, and you never know, the staff may ask you and other mom questions

mbosnz · 05/03/2019 22:08

If the mother had received some awful news, she could have told the person she had left one child with, and dumped another child with, and asked for some leeway and made arrangements with HER support network to ensure timely collection.

Incidentally, I've been involved in a fairly extreme school situation where we had children in our care (I was on the equivalent of the Board of Governors), and we didn't know if parents would be turning up to collect them.

Even knowing me, with my position within the school, and living directly opposite the school, the school would not have released children into my care.

Yes, we had teachers who were parents, who stayed to look after the children at our school. They were heroes.

NorthernRunner · 05/03/2019 22:09

(Sorry just saw your update- I have rubbish signal and my phone was stuck on page 30!)

sackrifice · 05/03/2019 22:10

Works for me.The first clue was in not even telling the OP she was off. I mean you are free to change all your plans, buy two new car seats, cancel your mother's work to facilitate a cheeky fucker, take random kids home, feed them things they might be allergic to etc etc. But the OP made the right call here.

Aeroflotgirl · 05/03/2019 22:15

The Martyrs on this thread are something else. If Police have Ben called before, one more similar SS will probably be involved, it is neglectful!

MummasTheWord · 05/03/2019 22:17

Aside from standing up to the venue and having the older girl sit in the party room and grab some bits of food, as harsh as it seems you totally did the right thing and does serve the mother right, feel sorry for the kids...but she pointed you out to her daughters, but did not tell you she was leaving and ignored your calls...totally her fault.

Thisaintphaedra · 05/03/2019 22:21

@Heads OP didn’t ring the police though did she? Or have I got that wrong.
My understanding is she also left and let the soft play centre phone the police and deal with the fall out.
The CF mum was definitely at fault but if I found myself in this situation I wouldn’t have left and let strangers deal with it. I would also hope that if I had been the mum and had been involved in an accident and couldn’t return to collect my kids that a party mum would have stayed with my kids. And if I heard this story had happened at my kids nursery then I’d think your child would be left off some birthday invites

pallisers · 05/03/2019 22:21

MN seems to think that being a hard bitch is a badge of honour.

The hard bitch in this situation is the mother who left a 4 year old at a party without even saying she was going (where I live absolutely no one does that), left her 8 year old in a play centre on her own and went off to have her hair done and silenced her phone. That is pretty much the definition of a hard bitch to me.

I have to wonder how many people have skirted along the edges of doing this - arriving back 30 mins late to a party so they could do another job or finish something. I'm sure their thinking is "oh it takes a village" or "mothers help each other out" or "why wouldn't she do something for me".

I'm a bit shocked at the bowling party injury. I've never heard of a party where a kid had to go to a&e. I think that party may have needed more adult supervision.

Robstersgirl · 05/03/2019 22:26

You are batshit, I would’ve been fuming too. She’s likely going to get a visit from social services now I never would have done what you did. I’d have waited or taken the kids with me and left my number. In my experience it’s always drop and run. If you said it was ok for siblings then you should’ve mentioned you wouldn’t be kind to them?

Strokethefurrywall · 05/03/2019 22:27

And if I heard this story had happened at my kids nursery then I’d think your child would be left off some birthday invites

I'm sure the OP is shaking in her boots

Aside from the fact that most of the nursery parents seem to be in agreement with the OP and not the CF.

mbosnz · 05/03/2019 22:28

If I had the luxury of time and not having to let my own baby down, and my mother who had to get to work, yes, I would have stayed. Otherwise, I would have ensured the children would be properly supervised, with an idea of what would happen if their so-called mother didn't turn up in a timely fashion, and regretfully left, knowing I'd done the best I could.

I'd definitely not leave the OP's children off the party invites, or not allow my children to attend her parties. I know that she'll collect her kids on time, and that she'll expect me to do the same - which I always do. And when something happens (such as being hospitalised) ensure that someone else does so.

Strokethefurrywall · 05/03/2019 22:29

Excellent, either a troll or more mind numbingly stupid people joining the thread.

Just keeps getting better!! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

Strokethefurrywall · 05/03/2019 22:29

Not you mbosnz

Lelly0503 · 05/03/2019 22:30

@robstergirl what’s your opinion of the children’s MOTHER who dumped her kids with no warning went and had her hair cut and ignored all attempts of contact?! Who made the OP responsible for her children? It was a kids party not nursery!

mbosnz · 05/03/2019 22:32

LOL, thank you Strokethefurrywall. . .

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