Or do you not leave kids unattended at a birthday party?

[Dumbodog]

Unless you've discussed it with the host beforehand?

DS 4th birthday party at a soft play on Saturday. 12 invited, mix of friends from nursery and friends from our street. However parents were free to bring siblings and pay normal entry fee for them. All fine.

The eldest of one of the mum's from nursery (her younger sibling was invited) came running over to me crying about 20 mins in to the party and tells me her mum told her to come to me if she needed anything. I continued looking for her mum and she then tells me that mummy has gone to the shops. I wasn't too bothered at that point, thought she perhaps needed something urgently although still should have let me know. Her DD was fine and went back off to play with her sister.

Half an hour later she still wasn't back and the invited kids were going into the party room for food. Her eldest DD was crying because she couldn't come in and she was now being left in the play area unsupervised. I let the staff know the situation at this point. I found the mum's RSVP text and tried calling her (not friendly with her other than to say hello to at nursery) and there was no answer. I tried on and off for the next hour!

The party came to an end and she still wasn't back and still wasn't returning my call. The staff said they could keep the kids but would have to call the police. I thought this was the best scenario as I obviously couldn't take them with me, and god forbid if anything had happened to their mum then at least the police would find out.

I received a call from the mum about half an hour after I got home and she was shouting and bawling at me! She couldn't believe I over reacted so much and just left her kids as she'd only gone to get her hair done. Apparently I should've known she would be back. She was livid the police had been called and they gave her a talking to about leaving the kids without telling anyone and she was lucky social services hadn't been called. But again, apparently I should've known she'd be back and I could've at least taken the kids home with me instead of "showing her up" like that. She said she thought others would also leave their kids, as if I was a bloody babysitter! She hung up on me when I tried to tell her that how could I possibly know she'd have been back when I didn't even know she'd gone until her kid told me. What if something happened to her? Or the kids while she was gone? What if she just never came back? She told me I was batshit and hung up

So, AIBU or does she deserve a cheeky fucker award?!

I've been in that situation myself, as I've pointed out Benny.

Although I've never managed to throw a kid's party where one of the guests had to leave by ambulance. . .

Slightly off topic but are you going to report this to the designated safeguarding officer at nursery? It could be they have some little niggling concerns and this may help build the picture. Or it could mean she's a one off cf and they aren't at all worried otherwise and they'll leave it there. Just my thoughts.

No I meant the other CF mum abandoned her kids to get her hair done, not the OP you was left in a very difficult position.

This one

Where did I say any of that? I said that in the OP's shoes I would have taken the kids with me. I think it's perfectly reasonable that OP had to leave to pick her baby up.

If the soft play wouldn't have let the OP sign out the kids then that's a separate issue - it's not the reason the OP didn't take that course of action.

I think the mum was out of order big style! She shouldn’t have left them at the party without telling you where she was going and she should have been back before the party ended. If you had known where she had gone and she was running late she should have let you know! She does deserve a telling off however, if it was me I wouldn’t have left them at the party. Even though they weren’t your sole responsibility you were still a face they knew and they must have been frightened when they got left. We all do things though so hopefully this won’t happen again and you won’t be put in that situation!

You never know this may build a bigger picture than what other people may know. She may leave her kids a lot, who knows. But I think you did the right thing. I couldn’t have seen her not have any food though. But You had to go to your child - people saying your mum could have waited half an hour... OPs mums job may not allow that. I also wouldn’t take children in my car who I don’t know unless in emergency, which this wasn’t, they were safe - you have to safeguard yourself too. She could have answered her phone having her hair done, she could have told you she was leaving or She could have stayed. YANBU

Have you heard anything else from CF OP?

Think you handled it really well. Worst part is not calling/ texting you back to let you know what was going on. Why should you have to spend time at your own child's party ringing another parent?!

Surprised at the number of people who think you were BU.

mbosnz, well those bowling balls are heavy hey? When the bowling alley staff tell you that it needs looking at, you listen.

But p’raps I should’ve taken the stance here and sent someone else’s child, my son’s guest off on his own to be terrified until his CF mum could make it. Maybe one of the strangers from the bowling alley should’ve gone while I just got on with my own shit instead of being a CFs dream!!

I told mum straight while her kid was out of the way that it was a piss take, and that she’d not be doing that again!

And she didn't do it again. To you. And then may well have carried on gaily neglecting her child, which couldn't be watched for because the appropriate services hadn't been informed. But hey, none of that matters when you think you've got the moral high ground.

I'm amazed how many people are advocating covering for child abusers.

I think the other parents at the nursery will feel sympathy towards OP in the situation. Really? This is one of the most disgusting threads I've ever read on MN. Truly shocking.

A series of unfortunate events benny, I'm sure. Just lucky that you had the resources that you could go with the child to the hospital while the party kept going for your child and all other children were suitably supervised, though, hey?

Not everyone has those resources - then they've got to make difficult decisions and choices.

When a parent leaves a child in someone else's care, they need to realise this could become the case. When they choose not to be contactable, they need to understand that their child may have been in extremis - as the child in your care was, and they are choosing to be non-responsive to their child's need, and they are leaving their children at the mercy of other people's choices and obligations.

And it is purely on the parent if they are making unnecessary choices to abandon their children to other people like that. It is horrible for the child. I know. I've been that child. But the responsibility is purely with the parent, and even as a child, I understood that. I appreciated the people that tried to mitigate my parents lack of care, but I never blamed them if they couldn't entirely make u p for it. I knew they couldn't.

Keep gnarling away with your judgy finger pointing and your burn the witch with good hair stance!

What?

Also, it doesn’t take balls to let someone take the piss out of you for an hour and a half and then have a stern word

Well I think that’s terrible that the OP left her children there and didn’t even bother telling the party host! I would never do that. I wouldn’t have let the other child in to the party room, it wasn’t that child’s friends party, it was the siblings, and I’d stay a bit but given she phoned and phoned the woman who didn’t answer, why should she have to stay around with the OP kids, no! She would’ve known what time the party ended! Next time maybe she won’t leave her kids!

Yes it is disgraceful tgat the mum left the kids without a word, and was non contactable and late. Maybe op had nobody else to collect her baby, maybe everone had left and left op on her on with these kids and she has her baby to collect at a a certain time on top of it.

Anyone who disagrees with OP - would you happily do as the girls' mum did, and never see a problem with it?

Anyone who disagrees with OP - would you happily do as the girls' mum did, and never see a problem with it? I think both are disgraceful

Gosh I applaud you for taking action against the parent. Regarding the older child I find this a strange policy from soft play places. Most near us would allow siblings into the party room if the parents paid their entrance on arrival and paid to include a meal to eat with the party. I find it strange that the company would not allow the child to join you so you could supervise her. Obviously I would t expect you to leave the kids to eat and just look after the sister. As the party host I’d have even offered to pay the extra food cost for this child once I’d realised she’d been left. I can’t believe the mother though. If I’ve ever taken a sibling to a party it’s because I’ve needed to stay with the invited child not to leave. I’ve done both paying for the sibling to join the party to eat and also buying the sibling and sitting with them out of the party room while the invited child enjoys eating with their friends. I’ve even had my own sibling offered to join the party at no cost due to people not turning up.

Bit this mother really was out of order and I really don’t blame you for leaving them at the soft play for the police to deal with after your efforts of trying to contact the monthly. I’m not sure I’d have done that myself but more because is not have the courage. I see why OP needed to leave. I’d imagine the mother would have kicked off if OP had taken the children with her home so she could allow the GP to get to work on time.

Their mother was in the wrong and your options were leave the kids and the police get called, stay with them and risk your mother facing disciplinary action at work, or take them with you had they let you sign the kids out and risk being legally responsible for any ill that may befall them in your care. Out of those options you did the most sensible and responsible thing. Their mother was irresponsible and put her children at risk, not you.

I’ve had a very awkward situation with a party. On the beach and I requested parents to stay due to age of children and risks of the sea. Most did but a few dropped. One grandparent came and stayed as mum was at work. All the kids were collected and she was still there. We tidied up and started filling the car. My child asked if she could open presents but I like to wait til all friends have left. My child kept saying loudly ‘why won’t friend go home? My party has finished.’ And words to that effect. Grandma just sat there as her grand daughter dig away in the sand. I actually felt like I couldn’t leave. Grandparent was waiting for a lift home. Person was either late or they’d got the wrong time. No amount of hints helped get rid of this person. But as the host we hung around over an extra hour til they left.

You weren’t really the host on a public beach, IMO. You could have just gone home surely? Nobody owns the beach!

derxa what should OP have done differently at the end in your opinion?

This thread has officially gone down the shitter. Is everyone here drunk, is that why the ranting has ramped up a notch?

I hope OP is kicking back with a glass of wine laughing at all the virtue signalling from those claiming what they would have done and how they would have done it better.

I especially love how the kids are now rocking in a corner weeping, shamed and confused at the sudden abandonment of the OP. Instead of playing on the equipment until the mum showed up.

But don't let the OPs responses get in the way of the overactive imaginations, it's why I keep returning...

Glad my dc are grown up.

derxa what should OP have done differently at the end in your opinion?
As a teacher I had to deal with all sorts of parents who arrived late. The child comes first every time. I hope the OP is on a wind up because whe is totally unreasonable. Did your mother condone your actions, OP?