Or do you not leave kids unattended at a birthday party?

[Dumbodog]

Unless you've discussed it with the host beforehand?

DS 4th birthday party at a soft play on Saturday. 12 invited, mix of friends from nursery and friends from our street. However parents were free to bring siblings and pay normal entry fee for them. All fine.

The eldest of one of the mum's from nursery (her younger sibling was invited) came running over to me crying about 20 mins in to the party and tells me her mum told her to come to me if she needed anything. I continued looking for her mum and she then tells me that mummy has gone to the shops. I wasn't too bothered at that point, thought she perhaps needed something urgently although still should have let me know. Her DD was fine and went back off to play with her sister.

Half an hour later she still wasn't back and the invited kids were going into the party room for food. Her eldest DD was crying because she couldn't come in and she was now being left in the play area unsupervised. I let the staff know the situation at this point. I found the mum's RSVP text and tried calling her (not friendly with her other than to say hello to at nursery) and there was no answer. I tried on and off for the next hour!

The party came to an end and she still wasn't back and still wasn't returning my call. The staff said they could keep the kids but would have to call the police. I thought this was the best scenario as I obviously couldn't take them with me, and god forbid if anything had happened to their mum then at least the police would find out.

I received a call from the mum about half an hour after I got home and she was shouting and bawling at me! She couldn't believe I over reacted so much and just left her kids as she'd only gone to get her hair done. Apparently I should've known she would be back. She was livid the police had been called and they gave her a talking to about leaving the kids without telling anyone and she was lucky social services hadn't been called. But again, apparently I should've known she'd be back and I could've at least taken the kids home with me instead of "showing her up" like that. She said she thought others would also leave their kids, as if I was a bloody babysitter! She hung up on me when I tried to tell her that how could I possibly know she'd have been back when I didn't even know she'd gone until her kid told me. What if something happened to her? Or the kids while she was gone? What if she just never came back? She told me I was batshit and hung up

So, AIBU or does she deserve a cheeky fucker award?!

As I’m not the sort to abandon kids and call the Police instead

ARE YOU BLOODY KIDDING ME. Sorry for shouting but how on earth is it being twisted that the OP is now the one to abandon the children?

We also waited 90 mins while CF took her time to send her new boyfriend to collect her child. Did I call the Police? Did I fuck. He was in my care so I stepped up!

I am too lost for words to even begin to express how much of a martyr you are. Do you want a medal for letting cheeky fuckers walk all over you or something?

Benny, do you get paid per mention of the trip to A&E or something??

We get it. You took a child to hospital.

I would have taken my own child.

And you “stepping up” by letting people abandon their children for 90 minutes could lead to a case of neglect being missed. You’re not a hero, you’re a pushover and a bit interfering by the sounds of it.

'Would've, could've, should've'. It's real easy to say what you would have done, could have done, or the OP should have done - it's hypothetical. But when you're in a very real situation with the very real responsibilities, limitations and obligations (and powers - e.g. to require the soft play place to allow you to breach their codes and obligations to go over the numbers allowed in a room, or to force them to allow you to remove two children that you didn't sign in, and barely know from Adam) that you have, quite often, what you say you would have done, what you think you could have done, and what you think you should have done, transmogrifies to something very different. And a hell of a lot more realistic.

You might not be entirely happy with the choices and decisions you had to make, but if you're not the kind of person that abandons their two kids to total strangers, without even having the courtesy to notify them, and then doesn't take calls from the total stranger (kid could have been having a choking fit, had managed to break a bone), you're most probably going to make the best choices you could in the interests of all concerned in that situation.

Thank God my DD is way past this age but so I know what I did wrong in the past it was

*Not allowing a good three hour clearance between party and any other commitments I may wish to have incase children were abandoned by parents
*Ensuring I had proper "back up" - what like the A-Team?
*Having the ability to profile parents who I've never really engaged with as we pass each other on the nursery run to establish who are likely to be on my at risk register for disappearing for the length of a party
*Emoting at every opportunity

OP, I feel for you both in the party debacle (not your doing) and this thread..

My family and friends were there to step in, you know like good people do at a kids birthday party...

Like people who don't have to go to work an hour after the party is over .

We also waited 90 mins while CF took her time to send her new boyfriend to collect her child. Did I call the Police? Did I fuck. He was in my care so I stepped up!

You enabled neglect of a child to continue by not informing the authorities about this parent.

Leaving your kids at a party without telling the host is a bit cheeky sure, but it's hardly so unusual as to warrant police involvement!

I would have just taken the kids with me to pick up the baby from my mums and left the CF to chase me around to pick her kids up. And have given her a bit of a bollocking when she turned up.

I'd feel as a party host the kids had pretty clearly been left in my care - not abandoned.

Bennyandthejets sounds like a CFs delight. Good that Police were called, what the mother did was highly irresponsible.

@Benny clearly a child was seriously injured during one of your children’s birthday parties. However this is not what happened during one the OPs. Why would you need to call the police in your situation?? The OP was left with two children because thier CF mother went to get her hair done and decided to abandon all responsibility. It’s not the same scenario!!

PCohle that causes a whole lot of problems, taking the child off the premisis that the mum left them without permission. Op not having sufficient room or car seats in her car.

There are those that act with thought and kindness and genuine concern for children’s welfare,

Kindness and genuine concern for children's welfare is putting things like this in the open ,make others aware and inform authorities. Which OP did. A neglectful parent had to deal with the consequences of her neglect.
The only thing I'd do differently to OP would be to also report all this to the nursery as well.

Absolutely the right thing, shame on the mother to put you in this position, l hope the fact that you had to keep trying to contact the mother throughout the party didn't spoil it for you and your little one. She is responsible for her own children, hopefully she will learn from this

If I could not get hold of a parent after trying numerous times, I would bloody call the Police, that parent could have been in an accident or collapsed.

You accepted responsibility for at least one of those children and should not have abandoned your duty of care to her by leaving her with strangers that way. If your mum absolutely couldn’t wait for you to wait for the mum to return (or drop the baby to you there) you should definitely have taken the children with you. I would be surprised if any of the other mums at your child’s school ever leave a child in your care again. Shocking. Those poor children.

She would not have been allowed to leave with the children. She also did not accept responsibility for either of them as cf did not ask before she bolted.

Aero pretty sure the mum would be fine with OP taking them off the premises if it was that or the police being called.

In OP's shoes I'd feel I had been left with a duty of care for the children (ie they hadn't been abandoned).

There was a drop off time, and a pick up time stated on the invite. She assumed a duty of care for one child during that specified time.

The duty of care of the so-called mother was only mitigated for that specified period, at that particular premise. She had neither right nor responsibility to remove those children, either the one specifically invited, or the one she had no knowledge of, from the premises, particularly without safe transportation.

@PCohle

But would the soft play let them leave with a different adult to the one they signed in with? I doubt it.

The soft play called the police, not the OP.

And the mum was ignoring attempts at contact for an hour. She could have been in a ditch somewhere.

I knew you’d be outraged by a genuine counter argument from someone who’s twice been in the position.

Keep gnarling away with your judgy finger pointing and your burn the witch with good hair stance!

If an ambulance gets called at your kids party you going to abandon your child guest? Whatever you’ve got going on if you’re inviting kids over, you have to show responsibility towards them and plan for worst case and not expect to be in and out without a hitch!

As for waiting 90 mins - I didn’t need to call the Police. I told mum straight while her kid was out of the way that it was a piss take, and that she’d not be doing that again!

Because actually, I have got fucking balls and the kid didn’t need the stress!

They allowed the mother off the premises without her kids. So in that scenario they were perfectly happy to accept that someone else had assumed responsibility for caring for her kids.

I'm sure OP didn't sign a disclaimer for being in charge of older child. The other parents stayed with their dc. The party ran to a certain time and OP remained there for 30 mins afterwards. She did her bit. I'm sure the CFs dc will get over it. She's only got herself to blame not poor Op who probably wished this younger dc had not been a guest at the party.

CF abandoned her dcs not the OP

The OP did the right things:

She did try to get the extra girl into the party -just to make her happy. When this failed - she did see that the girl got to go back to the soft play part again.

She stayed at the centre as long as she could without letting down her own childcarer - because she was aware of that carer's other responsibilities.

She ensured that the children (ones she was a stranger to) were happily playing and unaware their mother had abandoned them.

She didn't attempt to take the stranger's children away from the place where their mother had left them.

She didn't risk their safety by trying to fit them into a car without car seats.

Before leaving the centre she ensured that they were safely supervised by people in charge of the centre and responsible for children abandoned in this way. The fact that this meant that the police were called was not her responsibility - but was also a good thing.

pretty sure the mum would be fine with OP taking them off the premises if it was that or the police being called

Yeah, why not, she should perhaps just pop out to get two more kids seats as well, they don't cost much; and her mum should have cancelled her job, it's not as if she needs to work surely. As long as cheeky fucker mum doesn't have to take responsibility eh?

What fucking planet are some people on?

Also, I daresay the children would be more upset by being unexpectedly removed to a stranger's house than by staying in soft play where their mum left them.

Ellen - she didn't accept responsibility and she couldn't just "take them home" -they weren't signed in by the OP so the soft play couldn't just hand them over to the OP... Or would you put soft play reception staff in charge of deciding who to send children home with?